never there
by jayadamslove
Summary: A story about if a girl was thrown into the mix. Summaries suck, so just read it. It's going to become a lot better with time.
1. the need to think straight

I OWN NOTHING. not led zeppelin or the zboys. only the characters i create.

--

The small room was dimly lit. Even through my closed lids I could sense some light was on. Which meant someone had entered my room. No sooner had this thought occurred to me when i small hand shook me roughly.

"Kimber, get up. Come on. I need to borrow some underwear and can't tell which are clean."

At this my eyes flew open. The dark blue room behind the beautiful face was obscured from view.

"Shit, that's why you woke me up?", i growled angrily, "Clean stuff is in the corner. Just smell it. Why can't you wear yours?"

"Some are at Luke's. The rest are dirty. Also i wouldn't have to wake you if you cleaned your room. And i will never smell your clothes." she said condescendingly.

My sister, Nicole, was completely against my lifestyle. She was going to a community college and dated some jackass from the valley. She was about 5 foot 5 inches tall and thin. Her entrancing blue gray eyes, big pink lips, and shoulder length wavy chocolate hair had left their previous position (a foot from my face) to the corner i had indicated.

"What time is it anyway?", my voice was muffled as i had turned into my pillow.

"About four in the morning... you should be getting up anyways for whatever you do.", she scowled.

I pulled my head from the white pillow and turned into a sitting position. Although i hated to admit it, she was right.

"Well take the underwear and leave. I do need to change."

Nicole grabbed a black pair and left, closing my door quietly. I pulled my legs through the comforter and onto the cold floor. I got up and scanned my room for my wetsuit and bikini. As i found them, i realized they were damp and cold with salt water. I then turned the knob of my door, and as quietly as i could, tip-toed down the hall to the bathroom. I stripped off my overlarge black sweatpants and Zeppelin shirt in exchange for the swimsuit and wetsuit. I zipped the wetsuit halfway up and looked at my reflection. I wasn't thin, but not big. Just curvy. My long brown hair had become streaked with blonde from the sun and recently had acquired electric blue streaks. My skin was tan and I had a strong jaw. I have big lips and big brown eyes. One lighter than the other. After i brushed my teeth and washed my face, i crept back to my room, took both my boards, and crawled through my window.

--

--

As I approached the P.O.P. parking lot, I realized I was the first there. I threw off my ripped Vans and skateboard on the broken down pier. I walked down to the beach and shoved my board in the ground. I looked out over the ocean and watched as Skip took the next wave. I was so focused on watching him swerve so gracefully i didn't hear the footsteps behind me. The next thing i knew i had received a swift kick in the butt. I lost balance but regained it quickly and spun around on my heel. I was met with a pair of pale blue eyes and shoulder length platinum blonde hair: Stacy Peralta.

"Hey, Stace."

"Hey, how long have you been here?" he asked grinning.

"Only a few minutes or something."

"Good I'm not late.", he said jokingly. Everyone knew that Stacy wore a watch and rarely took it off. Seconds later we were joined by Jay Adams.

"Dude, its killer today." he said excitedly as he swept his curly dirty blonde hair out of his topaz eyes. And then the sound of wheels against concrete approached again. I heard, rather than saw, Tony get off his board and join us.

"Hey guys." Tony was hispanic and had brown and blonde curls that fell to his shoulders. I plopped down on the dirty sand and put my face in my hands. My eyes closed as my other senses took over. The salty wind brushed against my hands blowing my hair back. The beachy smell tingled high in my nose and seemed to sit there. I could hear the waves breaking on the shore, the steady rhythm of them. Then i began to lose all senses as my mind seemed to drift off into darkness...

"Kimber, get up, they're coming in," rang Tony's voice in my head.

Damn. It was the second time today i had heard 'get up.' I looked up to see Tony and Stacy's retreating backs going towards Skip and his friends. I looked to my side and saw that Jay had remained with me. He stretched out a hand and pulled me to my feet. We grabbed our boards and followed.

"Today, Peralta has boneyard," Skip yelled, even though we were near enough he could talk normally, as Stacy's face fell in the slightest. "Adams, Wolffe take care of Vals. And Alva gets clean-up."

I headed to the least destroyed part of the pier, stuck my board into the sand, and began to climb, quite catlike, to the top. Jay followed suit. When we reached the fence I sat again.

"Tell me if anyone comes."

"You still tired from the party last night?"

"That, and when i was going through my hallway, John, Alex, and Eric caught me."

John, Alex, and Eric. Three of my step-brothers. All in all i have 7 siblings: the oldest is Nick, he is unfortunately blood-related and ran out on the family when he was 20. Then comes Nicole, who is my blood sister and 18. Then me, and I'm 16. Alex comes next, no blood-relation and is 14. I know I'm not supposed to choose favorites but he is mine. John is 14 too, but he isn't related to me or Alex. My other sister, Clementine, is 12 and related to Alex. Eric is 10 and related to John. And the youngest is Chris, who is only 7, and is Eric's and John's brother. How, one may ask, did I accumulate so many siblings? Simple: my dad walked out on Nick, Nicole and me when I was younger to be with some tramp. My mom started dating a new guy, who already had John, Eric, and Chris. But they split and he didn't want the kids, so she took them, as she already considered them hers. And now there's Ted. He's Alex and Clementine's dad, and they are still together. He is a manager of some grocery store and my mom, Kendall, is a waitress. So money has always been tight.

"Is Nicole still dating that Val?", Jay asked, a smirk on his face.

I knew what was coming. "Yea."

"Damn. Well tell her when they break up, I'm here for her." he played.

"Even after she slept with a Val?" I teased.

"I can forgive her." he was grinning now.

Sun was coming up now.The dark midnight blue had mingled with a salmon pink and sunburst orange. Just below those colors, the brightest orange-yellow I had known in my lifetime. The color of the sun. I knew looking at it was bad for my sight, but the shade of it was beautiful.

"Anyway, hows Phalaine? And Kent?" I asked, tearing my eyes away.

"They're fine, I guess." he replied with a shrug.

He looked at me in an odd way I didn't know if i liked or not. He was staring into my eyes as though he had never seen me before. I looked right back into his. They were perfectly almond shaped, and shockingly topaz. They almost appeared to be a sweet honey color, or the lightest color of a wooden surf board. I was so caught up loving the color of his eyes, that when i heard a car engine i jumped.

"Those aren't locals," I was on my feet in a second and peered over the fence. I recognized the car and grinned. 'Excellent' I thought.

"What?" Jay accused noticing the smile.

"I got these." I called to him as I made my way down to the pier, through the sand, and to the parking lot. A blue Mustang. It was who I thought it was.

"Locals only!" I called out.

The short brown hair and blue eyes found me, changing from annoyance to a smirk. His friend got out of the passenger seat. He was big, muscular and blonde. He swayed a little as he went to the trunk of the car where the blue-eyed boy stood. His expression showed interest.

"Hey Kimber." Luke said calmly.

"You know this is a locals only spot," I spat at him.

"But I thought you could let us in," he said, in a fake voice that i could read. It really was a I'm-dating-your-sister-so-let-me voice.

"Fuck off." I said, venom in each word. His expression went back to annoyance.

"What are you going to do about it?" he asked, clearly not thinking I was prepared.

"I spill. To Nicole. That you're two-timing her. How would you like to lose the hottest girl in the area?" I spoke clearly. I was going to tell her anyway, but it worked as good blackmail. I knew that the threat of having the most beautiful girl in our area, and her dumping him was going through his head. He would never live it down. The only thing he cared about was his reputation. He glared, but obviously couldn't think of a good response. The blonde in the background hadn't moved much.

"Fuck you Kimber. Fuck you." he growled in a menacing tone. And with that got into the drivers seat of the Mustang. His big friend stayed, looking at me. He moved closer, very clumsily so, until he was about five feet from me.

"Baby, come with me," he drawled in a low voice. A step closer. "I have a nice big house," Another step. "And it's all empty." He was about 10 inches from my face now. I wasn't about to back down. I could smell the liquor on his breath and wondered vaguely why he had been drinking so early. He was obviously drunk. He grinned at me and moved in a flash: his arms were around my waist and his grip was true. As I struggled and tried to break free I heard running footsteps. "Get-off-me!" I managed to stammer out. A horn honked. More footsteps, closer now. He then shoved, with what seemed like all his force, his mouth onto mine. My lower lip began to bleed profusely and he still didn't stop.

"Get the fuck off her!" He resurfaced and his grip loosened in the slightest. I seized my chance and broke free. But I used so much power I fell backward onto the pavement. The horn blared again. I looked up to see Jay face-to-face with the big blonde. It was pretty brave of Jay because the blonde must have been a foot taller and wider.

"Bastard, could you give us a second?" The blonde glared at Jay. The horn shrieked for a third time and Luke started backing out of the parking spot.

"Don't ever touch her again!" Jay snarled. He was shaking with anger.

"Evan, lets just get out of here." Luke yelled from his car. I heard more footsteps behind us, and saw Tony running to the scene.

"Not until this little bitch learns not to interrupt!" But Luke seemed to have counted for Evan and realized they were evenly matched. They would only take on someone if they had the upperhand.

"Listen to your friend jackass," Tony's enraged accented voice growled.

Evan must have heard the aggressiveness, for he looked from Jay to Tony to me still on he ground, and stormed to the passenger seat. Luke sped out before Evan could say anything else.

"Thanks guys. Sorry about that. I hadn't counted on the friend being such a freak." I said quietly. I was still flustered as Tony reached out a hand to pull me up. We walked back to the beach in silence. I was pretty sure they were both replaying the scene in their heads. I was. When I looked to the water, I saw Skip and his friends emerging from the water, Stacy following them.

"Your turn," Skip slurred.

I hadn't looked Jay or Tony directly in the face since the encounter, being thoroughly embarrassed. I knew i would have to face Jay to get my board, seeing as they were in the same spot. I braced myself.

"Your lip is bleeding." Jay said cocking his head to the side and looking concerned.

"Oh, yeah, it's nothing." I raised my hand to my lip, and when it came back down it was covered and sparkling with dark red blood. I had forgotten about it until now.

"That idiot did it? I should've hit him-"

I cut him off. I didn't need pity. "I've had worse. So shut up." I didn't look back as I sprinted to the gray-blue ocean, and plunged myself fully in. It was freezing and my lip stung with the saltwater. I hadn't expected any different. I broke the surface, breathing in the salty air as my lip stung even more. For some weird reason I liked this pain.

--

--

I leaped off my skateboard, popped it up with my foot and grabbed it with my right hand. I started to climb the high fence as fast as I could. I strattled the top of the fence, threw my board over and jumped after it. I landed in the concrete area i had named, in my head, the skating bowl. Mainly because it reminded me of a bowl. I walked across the bowl to the brick wall where Peggy stood. I was too tired to do anything right today. So I might as well talk to Peggy.

"Hey," came Peggy's soft voice. Her black hair rippled down her back and shone in the sun. My sleepiness reached a high all of a sudden, just from the prospect of having to reply. My 'out every night' lifestyle was catching up to me. I made a silent vow not to party tonight.

"What's up?"

"Nothing, why aren't you skating?" she asked curiously.

I didn't want to admit that i was tired. It seemed like a lame excuse. "I could ask you the same thing." I replied making my voice light. She grinned and we began to watch the guys skate. Jay was on the urethane board and I noticed Kathy Alva watching. I felt a surge of jealousy I couldn't explain. It was probably for the board though. As i shook my head from this thought and emotion Jay got off the board and Stacy on. I really need more sleep. I thought I felt a major headache setting in.

"Ooh, look." Peggy poked me and gestured over to where Stacy was standing. His hands were on Kathy's waist, obviously teaching her to skate. Peggy and I both started to laugh as Tony rode through them.

"Come to Shogo's tonight." Peggy said when the laughter deceased.

"I'll be there." I promised, already forgetting the promise i made to myself.

"Thank god. I hate it when you don't come." She said sarcastically.

Everyone in this town knew me for three reasons: my love of partying, the fact my family has more kids then we can feed, and that I play the field. Or as some may call it...frivolous. But other girls simply call out 'slut' or 'skank.' And I really couldn't care less. No guy will ever get me to settle down and i wouldn't befriend those girls anyway.

--

--

I sat in the wooden chair at the round table behind our kitchen bar. Stacy was on my left, Tony the right and Jay straight across. They were laughing about something I didn't hear: it was like that at my house, with all the siblings you might miss a few things.

"Kimber!" my younger step-brother Alex called as he came to the side of my chair. He loved Tony, Stacy, and Jay almost as much as I did.

"So guess what?" He said not waiting for an answer, "You remember the babe that hangs around in the parking lot with us? The blonde?" He asked looking at all of our faces. Of course we all knew her. He had liked her forever and had asked advice from all three of the guys.

"Yea, Yea, what's her name?"

"Janice."

"Okay, tell us what happened," I said becoming interested.

"She was watching us skate, and after my run we talked for a while. We're gonna go out on Friday." He finished proudly.

"Nice," I said smiling at him. All the guys congratulated him.

"That's pretty much it. You gonna be here tonight?" He asked me.

"Course not." And with that he left to talk to John.

"Speaking of which," I said turning to Stacy, " You and Kathy hit it off."

"I was just showing her how to skate," He said with a blush, small smile, and half glance at Tony.

"Yeah, right," I mused.

"If you ever do anything to her Stace, I'll shave your head." Tony said in mock anger.

The picture of a bald Stacy seemed to burst in our minds and Tony, Stacy and I began to crack up. Not Jay. I looked across at him, wondering why he had been so oddly quiet. He looked up at me with the same unreadable expression he had given me this morning. As though he was seeing me for the first time. His eyes... that beautiful topaz... and perfectly almond-shaped... they were so entrancing. My laughter deceased. Soon Tony and Stacy's did too and i stared fixedly at a spot on the table, thankful they had noticed nothing. I needed to think straight.

--

--

I took a swig from the red plastic cup of beer Shogo had handed me minutes earlier. I lost Tony, Stacy, and Jay upon entering the party, but knew they would come and get me when it was time to roll a joint. My beer in hand I headed to the stereo where Peggy stood. The blasting music rang in my head. Every inch of Shogo's house seemed to have a person in it.

_With blazin' eyes I see my tremblin' hands_

_When we know the time has come_

_Lose many senses, lose command_

_Feel your healin' rivers run_

"Hey Peggy!" I had to almost shout over Led Zeppelin.

"Hey," She yelled back with a smile. I turned my attention to where the people where dancing. Half the people seemed drunk already. It was fun to watch them dance around clumsily. I felt two fingers tap my shoulder lightly. And when I turned around I was met with a black haired boy.

"Hello," he said his voice deep and smooth.

"Hey," I replied almost breathlessly. I had forgotten how strikingly good-looking he was.

"Wanna dance?"

"Sure," I answered, regaining composure. As we made our way to the heart of the party, I was only vaguely aware of Peggy's eyes following us. But he seemed to have other ideas and he pulled me out of the center and into the kitchen, which was significantly quieter, but still filled with people. His rough hands grabbed me by the waist and set me on the counter. He joined me on my left.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I knew you'd be here and wanted to see you."

"Aw... you missed me." I teased.

Ryan and I had been dating for a little under a month, but nothing serious. He had shiny black hair that reached his ears. His skin was a golden color and eyes bright blue. Electric, and almond-shaped. I had never noticed before but they were the exact same shape as Jays. He threw a dazzling smile at me. The lips around the smile came closer until they were about two inches away and I closed the gap with my own lips. His amazingly full pink lips were smooth as they gently went to my bottom lip. My hands went to the back of his head intending to play with his hair. But he resurfaced.

"What happened to your lip?" He said looking at the now bleeding bottom lip.

"Oh, I busted it today," I said nonchalantly, not wanting to tell the story about the Val. "I can't even feel it."

"I'm surprised you didn't notice it, am I that awesome of a kisser?" He said grinning.

"Shut up." I replied, as I put my hands on the back of his head again and leaned in. He placed his hands on my waist and our lips met. He stayed away from my lower lip this time. Instead I parted my lips in the slightest to let the tip of my tongue come out, and lightly touched his lips with it. He opened and our tongues danced around each others mouth. Both exploring--

"Kimber!" I jumped away from Ryan so quickly I don't think he knew what was happening. "We're gonna go roll one, you coming? Or are you too busy?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." I was really craving one anyway. I hopped off the counter and turned to look at Ryan. "I'll see you later," I told him and he nodded.

Tony as waiting at the doorway to the main room filled with dancers. He gave me an annoyingly knowing look and started straight through the dance floor. The booming music filled my ears again, with a different Zeppelin song this time.

_Changes fill my time_

_Baby, that's alright with me_

_In the midst I think of you_

_And how it used to be_

At least Shogo had good music taste. We were now approaching the hallway where three wooden doors were. I knew the bathroom was on my right and grabbed Tony's arm to steer him into it.

"So, thats the new guy this month?" He said with an evil grin.

"Yeah," I said exasperatedly.

"What's pretty boy's name?" He teased.

"Ryan, but can you not tell the others right away, Tony? All you guys ever do with the guys I date is mess with them."

"Can you really even consider it dating?" I hit him on the arm.

"Kidding! Kidding! God... and I'll see how i feel about telling them after the first drag. And that might leave a mark so I have something to think about," he smiled. Shit.

We walked out of the bathroom to Shogo's bedroom and closed the door. Stacy was on the bed, Jay on the nightstand rolling the joint, and Tony perched himself on the only chair in Shogo's room. I plopped down next to Stacy.

"Finally," Jay said. He pulled out a lighter and lit the joint between his fingers. He took a long drag, held it in, and blew out a puff of smoke. He grinned and passed it to Stacy.

"What took you so long?" Jay asked as Stacy handed me the joint. I decided not to answer and took it between my two fingers, lifted it to my mouth, and inhaled a great amount of smoke. The familiar sensation occurred as I held it in. It was as though my problems were gone. Worry, troubles, anxiety... no more. I felt at peace with the world as I blew out perfect white rings of smoke.

"I just couldn't get through the people," I said hoping the subject wouldn't come up again, as my lips would be a little looser. I passed it to Alva.

The sixth time around the circle we were on our third joint and we were talking much more.

"Hey, you guys, you know what would be cool?" Jay said, with an idiot smile.

"Yeah, if we could fit--"

"Kimber's new guy is Ryan!" Stacy had been interrupted by Tony.

"Bastard!" I cried glaring at him. The effect wasn't as amazing because I still had a grin on my face. Stacy was laughing with no obvious reason why, I wasn't even sure he'd heard and Jay was staring blankly. I looked at Stacy and he was shaking so badly from the laughter it was funny. I started laughing. Hard. Then I threw myself against Stacy so that we fell off the bed laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee myself. Then I remembered.

"What did you say?" I asked looking up at Tony, with my hair flipped into my face, who was now laughing also along with Jay. They obviously loved the fact that instead of peeing myself I had started crying.

--

--

--

I stumbled through my front door with Jay and Stacy. My mother was sitting in the kitchen, looking stressed with some paperwork.

"Your home!" she said, hearing the door close and turning her head to me.

"Yeah," I slurred. The wall behind her was flipping around. I wondered if Jay and Stace could see that.

"Don't wake your father or siblings."

"Okay," I replied just wanting the conversation to end.

"And do you know where Nicole went to?"

"She's probably with her personal jackass," Damn, she was going to know i was stoned.

"That's what I thought," She said quietly looking preoccupied. "Oh and hi boys."

They muttered their hello's and walked me to my bedroom, where I fell face first into my bed.

"Can you believe it? I was completely stoned and she took no notice! It's like a perfect day man."

"Yeah, well I'm gonna get home."

"Me too."

"Whatever."

If i hadn't been so high, I would've noticed Jay lingering in my room for a minute after he said he was leaving. But I went to sleep in the same minute.

--

--

--

if you read the first chapter i love you. even if you hated it. but please review because i'd love to hear feedback.

--lette.


	2. stoned

once again nothing is mine.

--

I thought I might die from the throbbing. The light was burning through my eyelids, making it impossible to open them. I knew that I would have to get up soon if I wanted to make it to P.O.P. I decided I would get it over with or it would never happen. But then the light on my eyelids registered with the time of day. There was only one small light in my bedroom that I didn't face while sleeping. I flew out of my comfortable position and the room spun painfully. I squinted to my window and saw that it was bright outside. How long was I out? I scrambled out of my bed and almost fell to the ground. The room was spinning even more violently now. I looked around as my room came into focus and guessed it was midday. I swung around onto my bed again and went back into my own world.

--

"What are you still doing here?" Alex's voice rang in my head. That's odd.

"Kimber seriously, wake up," again. God couldn't he just give us a second?

"Jay, Tony, and Stacy are here, they're waiting," he said and I heard him leave my room. That was really weird. Jay couldn't be here he was… I must have been dreaming that was it. What a weird dream. My eyes opened slowly to reveal my bedroom. My headache had decreased sufficiently and I got out of my bed and headed to the bathroom. I really looked a wreck. My hair was sticking out on one side and my face was imprinted with the marks from the sheets and pillow.

After I had thrown my hair up and brushed my teeth, I went to the kitchen to find my friends talking to Alex. When I entered they looked up expectedly at me as though thinking I was going to yell, or be sick.

"Hey guys," I said looking at all of them. "Sorry I didn't make it out there today, I really passed out."

"Yeah we all thought you had gotten yourself lost. Even though you're always there I wouldn't put it past you," Tony said smirking at me.

"Shut up," I replied as I made my way through them to the shelf with cereal.

--

My hands were tight around the bumper of the bus. The speed was amazing. A natural high. I waved my hair back and gripped tighter with my right, so I could flip the driver off with my left. I thought this was when he really became frustrated. Jay on my side was hanging his tongue out. We were approaching a turn and I prepared to grab his waist. Stace let go first then Tony hooked onto him, Jay grabbed Tony, and I latched myself onto Jay. We spun off perfectly and skated right through the cars in traffic, hitting them as we went.

--

--

--

The door jingled as I entered Zephyr surf shop.

"Hey guys," a friendly voice called. It was Sid. The long brown hair and light brown eyes approached us carrying a broom.

"What's up Sid?" I asked with a smile.

"Oh, your sister came in today," he said, a look of apprehension on his face.

"What?!" I didn't believe my ears. Nicole? In Zephyr? No way.

"Yeah, she was saying that your mom had gotten a call about you not showing to school all week."

"Aw, shit," I moaned.

"She said to tell you," he told me and then turned to the guys, who had all been listening. "But all I wanted to do was-" he made a squeezing gesture with his hands, " If you know what I mean." He finished, smirking.

Tony laughed and said, "Don't we all."

Not wanting to hear their wishes about what they could do to my sister, I walked to the counter where Skip was slouching.

"Hey, grommet you weren't out there today, where'd you go?" Skip said in his drunken tone.

"Overslept, man. How was it?"

"Great, as always. But anyway I have to tell you something."

"Okay," I replied wondering if it was about Nicole again.

"I'm thinking of starting a skate team."

My eyes lit up. Was he saying he wanted me on it?

"Seriously?"

"And I want all of you here tomorrow, sometime in the day. At the same time," He slurred, looking at me over his sunglasses.

"Yeah, no problem man."

"Oh and your sister might kill me if I don't tell you-"

"I already know."

--

I crossed the threshold of my house, not wanting to make a sound. I needn't have bothered though because my mother and Ted were standing right in front of me.

"Hey, you guys. How are you?" I said at a desperate attempt for a good conversation.

"Sit down," my mothers voice was firm.

I took my place at our circular wooden table and sat. My mother sat across but Ted stood standing.

"Stand up," he said.

"Oh now this is confusing. One wants me to sit the other stand," I mumbled, standing none the less.

"What the hell are you wearing Kimber?" He said angrily.

I looked down at my clothes. I thought I looked fine. A pair of old faded jeans, that had been ripped and slashed in many places from falling, a black Stones shirt that I had cut a spiderweb design in the back, and my Vans.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"It looks like you haven't showered in a week, shredded your clothes, and is too revealing!"

"I'm not showing anything. Be thankful I didn't cut this in the front." I said.

"Don't talk to him like that. And sit back down," Kendall said adamantly.

"Kimber, you haven't been going to school. I'm not paying for you to go and surf all day. And at night all you do is drink and party. You really need to start thinking about your future," she stated looking me in the eye. Here she goes, the whole speech about how I'm messing up my life. Whatever. Ted had disappeared, probably off fuming somewhere.

"Look, mom, I'm not screwing my life up. I swear I'll go to school tomorrow and start trying a lot harder-"

"WHAT IS THIS?" came Ted's booming voice, then his loud footsteps and he stopped in front of me holding a brown paper bag. His entire head had gone red, and a vein in his forehead was threatening to burst. Because he was bald this was especially intimidating.

"Um… what?" I asked trying to look innocent.

He thrust the bag open and shoved it under my face. I looked down to none other than my stash.

"What are you talking about Ted?" my mom said looking from his red face to my guilty one.

"Look at this!" he yelled passing it across the table to her. She took the bag cautiously and opened it.

"Kimberly. Azure. Wolffe," she was shaking with rage. I winced at the sound of my full name. _Kimberly. _Ugh. Ever since I was old enough to think for myself I've gone by Kimber.

"Do you want to explain?"

"Um…" for one of the first times in my life I was speechless.

"I can explain!" Ted shouted. At this second shout I noticed some of my siblings come out of their rooms to listen. "She's a slacker, careless hippie who does nothing but surf, skate and party! She has a new boyfriend every week and is only 16! She rips all the clothes I buy for her and wears this shit! I've had enough of it! You are going to start going to school and are grounded for two months!"

"Fine!" I could yell right back. "I don't care!"

I stood angrily from my sitting position and stomped to my bedroom, passing my siblings stunned faces. I slammed my door with a boom and fell onto my bed. I lay there for a while wondering if I would really go to school tomorrow. I sure as hell didn't think so. A light tapping on my door resounded through my room.

"Go away Ted," I called. Yet the door opened anyways, and not the bald head of Ted appeared but the long brown hair of Alex.

"Hey," he said. When I didn't reply he continued.

"Sorry my dad got onto you like that. You know how he is, just so straight," again I didn't answer. There was a pause.

"So, is your middle name seriously Azure?" he asked chuckling a little.

"Ugh, shut up man," I said although a grin did escape me.

"Look, Kimber, I'll cover for you if you want to go out," he offered. I was overwhelmed by how sweet he was being and hugged him.

--

--

--

The window slid open silently. I grabbed my black hoodie and pulled it over. I stretched my leg through the ledge and window and slid my body through. My feet touched the concrete of the ground and I headed off down the street to Jay's place. My hands in my pockets I tread the familiar path to his house. Not even five minutes later I reached his place. I grabbed some pebbles from the ground and began to throw them against his window.

The window opened and out popped Jay's blonde head looking down at me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Can you just let me in?"

"Just climb that tree and I'll help you through."

The giant tree stood with a low branch I swung up on. I grabbed the branch above me and slowly made my way up the tree, scratching my hands as I did so. When I finally made it to the branch that I was able to climb through his window on, he pulled me by the arm into his messy bedroom. The light was off and he had clothes, papers, shoes, and some books he had been reading scattered on the floor.

"What are you doing here?" he asked immediately.

"Just wanted to see what you were up to," I said sitting on his bed.

"Uh-huh. That's believable. Seriously."

"I just got into a little fight with Ted and didn't want to be there anymore," I shrugged.

"Oh," he said obviously sensing I didn't want to talk about it. We sat in silence for a moment, then he said,

"So are you really dating this Ryan guy?"

"Sorta, I don't really know. It's nothing serious."

"What's he like?" he said. His voice sounded odd.

"Like any other guy I guess. Why do you care?" I asked looking up at him.

"No reason."

I lay down on his bed and breathed in. It smelled so good. It smelled like wood, but sweet. I couldn't put my finger on it. My eyes shut and I saw the fury in my mothers and Ted's face in my mind. I opened them again to find Jay on the bed too.

"Do you need to stay here tonight?"

"I shouldn't, but I really don't want to go back," I groaned.

"You want a beer?" he questioned.

"Absolutely."

He got up from the bed and walked out of his room quietly. I stayed still on his bed and nothing ever crossed my mind. It was blank. Jay reentered the room with two beers. He handed one to me and I popped the top off. I took a long gulp. Jay had his back to me and was obviously doing something. When he turned around he had a joint in his hand. This guy really knew how to calm me down.

He lit it and gave it to me.

Before I knew it, I was stoned.

"Jayboy, I love you man," I said as I lay across his chest.

"Aw Kimber so sweet."

"Yeah, I know man."

I felt him move as to get up and I shifted so he could. But when I shifted my head fell into his lap. He was sitting and making no motion to move my head. Simply staring down at me with a grin in place. Then his face came closer and before I could figure out what was happening, we were kissing and I wasn't stopping him.

--

--

"Get up, I'm taking you to school today," my mothers voice entered in my sleeping state. I awoke with a start, thinking I would still be at Jay's. I only remembered going to his house and getting a beer. From that point on, I couldn't think of anything that had happened. But I must've walked home at some time.

I got out of bed, threw on the clothes I had been wearing yesterday and went to the bathroom. When I had brushed my teeth and washed my face, I headed into the kitchen and got myself a bowl of cereal. I sat down at the table and stared into the bowl. I was trying to remember what had gone on last night. But I was so completely high I couldn't think of any of the night's events. Dammit. My mother tapped me on the shoulder and said,

"Come on. I'm making sure you get to school."

--

so that's that. please submit reviews. please, please, please.

--lette.


	3. your time is gonna come

I don't own anything. once again.

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I walked out my front door to another hot day, as though it was already summer. It was close enough. I just decided that the last two weeks of school didn't count. There were only a few more days. I shouldn't be forced to go. I grabbed the car door handle and pulled it open to reveal the inside of our shabby black Toyota. My mother was already inside the car and I didn't look or talk to her the entire ride. When we pulled up to the school, which was covered in graffiti, she spoke.

"Don't you dare even think about leaving," she said menacingly.

"Okay."

"I'll be at work."

"I know."

"So I'm coming to pick you up."

"You do that," I said in the same bored voice I had been using.

I opened my door and stepped out into the heat. I walked down the pavement and through the glass doors of Venice High School. The tan metal lockers shone at me from both walls. The stupid, popular, crowd-following, girls laughed and whispered loudly as I passed.

"Look who decided to show up."

"Stoner."

"Who's the lucky guy this week?"

I walked on, not daring to start a fight. When I took a left turn down one of the hallways I saw a familiar brown haired boy.

"Sid!"

"Hey!" he said turning around and looking at me. He made a beeline toward me.

"What's your first class?" I asked dully.

"Social Studies. Yours?"

"I have no fucking clue. What time is everyone showing up for Skip's thing?" I said, as I began to follow him to wherever his class was. Most of the girls were staring, whispering and laughing at me, while I received quite a few wolf whistles from the guys. He watched them expressionlessly.

"Um, I think around 2," he answered.

"I need to get out of here. Your coming to right?"

"Duh."

"Gnarly."

"Are you coming into my class?" he grinned. I hadn't realized that he had stopped at a wood paneled door with a window that read 'Room 62.'

"I've got nothing better to do," I sighed and followed him in. It was a tan room with desks scattered around in a feeble attempt at rows. There was a larger desk at the front where a man sat. He was balding with red-rimmed glasses. The blackboard behind him read,'Social Studies. Mr. Tison.' He didn't bother to look up as a student who was never in his class came in. I took a spot in the back row, and began doodling. Wishing it was already two o'clock and I was in Zephyr. I began to wonder what the guys were doing and found myself daydreaming in less than five minutes.

"Sid, it's 1:45," I whispered in his ear. It was another period of useless knowledge. He looked at me with a grin in place.

"Let's go," he mouthed.

I slowly raised my hand into the air. The teacher looked at me and pointed.

"I have to use the bathroom."

"No," he replied tonelessly.

"But, I have a lady problem that needs attending to," I said in the most polite voice I could muster. He looked utterly repulsed.

"Oh, well in that case…" he stuttered.

I rose from my chair and walked out the door with Sid. I couldn't believe it worked. The teacher was actually so disgusted by what I said he didn't even notice Sid. Whoa, we were awesome. Outside the room Sid and I exchanged grins and began to sprint down the empty hallways. We burst through the front doors flying down the steps. We slowed as we turned around the bend, laughing and joking with each other. The chipped yellow-orange paint shown all the way down the street and I knew we were finally there. He opened the door with the familiar jingle and I followed him in seeing a crowd of people already there.

I saw Jay talking animatedly with Tony. Peggy sitting with Shogo and Red Dog. There was Stecyk, the picture guy, and Chino standing behind the counter. And Skip leaning against the counter surveying everyone over his sunglasses and looking completely at ease. The others I knew only be sight, but no idea what they're names were.

"There you two are," Skip said, looking to Sid and I. "Everyone, sit down," he said in an attempt at a commanding voice. It just sounded out of place on him.

"Alright grommets…" Skip began. Unfortunately he had already lost me. Stacy wasn't present. I looked behind Sid's back to Jay who had a black Zephyr shirt over his head. I was hit with one in my face at that moment too. I looked at it. Solid black with the words 'Zephyr Skate Team' on the front.

"Bitchin'," I murmured. No one heard me over Jay.

"Wear it with pride…" and he was speaking again. I still couldn't focus. Maybe we were just waiting for Stacy. After all he did work…

"…Got you something."

"Holy shit!" I shrieked, forgetting about my concern. Skip had a cardboard box filled with brand-new skateboards, all set with urethane wheels. I leapt forward and grabbed a turquoise blue one. I ran my hand over it. So amazingly smooth. I was in love. Everyone was rising from their own seats before I realized Skip's speech was finished. I tried to catch Jay's eyes, but he seemed to be avoiding me. I purposely hung back, and nudged him. I whispered into his ear,

"Stacy?"

He finally looked at me. His eyes made me freeze for a second. They were piercing. And so very bright. Too bright.

"Hey Skip," he said, when everyone had left. " You got one for Stacy, right?"

Skip merely shoved him out the door and came back to push me out as well.

No sooner had I got out of the door when I heard Skip yell,

"I'm not bailing your asses out of jail!"

There was a crash, a scream, and I knew to run. Skip had locked the door to the shop. 'Fuck' was all I could think. I sprinted down the pavement flew across a highway, and ran down a steep hill. I had directed myself to P.O.P. without realizing it.

--

--

--

"So, are we going to Del Mar?" Tony asked.

"I didn't listen."

"God, you two. We are going."

We were in my house once again. The only one missing was Stacy as he was at work.

"This is so fucking awesome," Tony said. He looked, for the first time I had known him, giddy. How strange. "I'm gonna get a Coke," he informed us.

"This is insane," I said smiling. More like amazing.

"I know, man."

"Hey, dude, I have a question," I said. It had been bothering me all day.

"What?" he said. I looked at him. What a mistake that was. His golden hair completely distracted me.

"Um… Oh yeah. What happened last night?"

I could've sworn his face got a little pinker.

"Oh, you don't remember?" he asked.

"Not a thing," I shrugged. That was normal.

"Nothing happened."

"Cool," I said. What a relief. Tony joined us again and we began to talk about what a smooth ride it was on those boards.

--

--

--

I hopped off my board and pushed the door open to the little restaurant Stacy waited at. I saw him immediately. His back was to me and he was taking an order from an old woman, who seemed a little deaf.

"I want a water," she said loudly.

"Okay, ma'am, a water."

"No I said a water!" she practically shouted.

"Yes a water!" he said louder.

"No a WATER!"

"Whatever," I heard him say under his breath and walked off, his cheeks even pinker than usual. He noticed me in an instant.

"Hey," he said grinning.

"What's up?" I asked.

"This."

"When do you get off?"

"Like 15 minutes. Why?"

"Just wondering."

"Okay, well me and the guys are gonna be at Tony's. Another party."

"Cool. I'll be there. Was there anything else?" he asked curiously.

"Um…no," I said. Originally I had come to inform Stacy about the skate team. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew I would regret this as I sat to wait for him to finish.

--

--

--

The resounding booms echoed. I could almost feel the small house shaking. I walked through the house looking for the boy I would spend the party with. I had lost contact with Ryan, and didn't really mind. The people were dancing as I sipped on my beer. The bubbly liquid went down my throat as I felt someone run into me.

"Hey, Jay," I said, realizing who it was.

"Hey," he said smiling.

"Whoa, have ya'll already rolled one?"

"Nope."

The opening sounds of the new song permeated through the house. Led Zeppelin, the only thing I would listen to. The song was 'Your time is gonna come.'I'll never know if it was the beer talking, or the pot smoke I was breathing in, or just myself, but I'd found the boy I wanted for the night. He still stared grinning at me. Then Robert Plant's voice came ringing through the house.

_Lyin', cheatin', hurtin', that's all you seem to do._

_Messin' around with every guy in town,_

_Puttin' me down for thinkin' of someone new._

"Hey, Jay, do you want to-"

"Jay!" a female voice chimed in. I looked around him to see a beautiful blonde-headed girl gliding to him. He saw her and his eyes widened.

"Hey," he responded. I looked at both incredulously.

"Do you want to come with me Jay?" she said with an evil grin. I wanted to rip her head off.

_Always the same, playin' your game,_

_Drive me insane, trouble is gonna come to you,_

_One of these days and it won't be long,_

_You'll look for me but baby, I'll be gone._

_This is all I gotta say to you woman:_

"Yeah, I'll be right there," he said, that stupid smirk on his face.

"Who the hell are you?" I said to the girl.

"Oh sorry Kimber, this is Amy," he said looking at me, as though to say go away.

"Fine," I said, trying to say it as if I didn't care.

I turned on my heel and walked away.

_Your time is gonna come._

_Made up my mind to break you this time,_

_Won't be so fine, it's my turn to cry._

_Do what you want, I won't take the brunt._

_It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore._

_Don't care what you say 'cause I'm goin' away to stay,_

_Gonna make you pay for that big hole in my heart._

I walked through Tony's house, looking for anyone, anything at all. I didn't understand why I was so mad. Nothing had happened. I mean it wasn't as if I was into Jay. I couldn't be. It just wasn't right. I needed to roll one. Where the fuck was Tony and Stacy when you needed them?

_People talkin' all around,_

_Watch out woman, no longer_

_Is the joke gonna be on my heart._

_You been bad to me woman_

_But it's coming back home to you._

_You time is gonna come._

I walked out of the house, I had no more need to party. I threw my now empty cup in the house behind me. My feet pounded on the pavement as I walked back to my house.

**Flashback.**

_My wavy, wet hair was cold on my back. The sand was sticking to my feet as I trudged up to the parking lot. Tony was rambling behind me to Jay, and Stacy was next to me. I didn't talk much. When we finally reached the parking lot I set down my surfboard and heard Tony say something about his dad grounding him, so he had to get home. I said my good byes and sat to put on my Vans. Then Stacy said he had to get to work, leaving Jay and I alone. We went five minutes without saying anything. I was so tired I didn't think I needed to._

"_Kimber?" he said tentatively. I didn't understand why. _

"_Jay?" I said turning to him and smiling. I hoped he was going to make me laugh. I needed him to. _

"_Are you seeing anyone?" he said looking at the ground. I stood up. This didn't sound like a good joke._

"_No," I replied. It wasn't like him to be so… timid. Normally him and Tony were the loudest people I knew. _

"_Well, do you want to go out… with me? You know, like on a date?" he said looking me in the eyes. _

"_Oh, well, Jay I'm sorry, but… there's this guy. We're not official or anything, but well…" I trailed off. He said nothing, but looked like he was thinking over what I just said._

"_This doesn't make it weird, does it?" I asked. He was one of my best friends. We had been through so much together. It was as though Jay, Stacy and Tony were my brothers. But if possible, closer._

"_No… no. 'Course not." He said and then we walked home together, leaving so many things unsaid._

_--_

_--_

_--_

I crawled into my bed as this memory haunted me. My eyes closed to see his face light up, to another girl. I opened them again and they stung. There was no medium. The whole Stacy and the skate team thing, my mother and Ted thinking I was the worst child in the world, I had missed surfing so many times this week, and these feelings about Jay I couldn't figure out. Who even was the guy that I had turned him down for? I couldn't remember his name. This was pathetic. I'll never know how I did it, but my eyes closed, and I had to force them to stay like that. It took hours to fall asleep.

--

--

--

I woke up the next day at 12. I hadn't planned on missing P.O.P. but it didn't bother me. I went into the kitchen without bothering to look in a mirror. Alex was in the kitchen. I had thought I was alone.

"Skipping school?" I asked.

"Yeah, I just got here. What are you doing?" he said not looking up from his bowl of cereal.

"I guess the same," I shrugged, going to the cereal shelf and grabbing a box of whatever cereal we had.

"What's up with you?" he said curiously.

"I don't know. How's Janice?"

"Okay, I guess. Don't try and change the subject." I hadn't moved from the shelf and didn't turn around to face him. What was up with me?

--

--

--

Sorry this chapter was so short. And sorry it took so long, what with school and soccer. Anyway please please please review!

-lette.


	4. new wave

I realize the chapter before this wasn't great. Sorry guys. It just needed to be finished.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything. Except like Kimber and her family.

Note: this chapter starts off with Donnie leaving. I know that in the first chapter I said Kent because I had looked it up and that's what it said. But then watching the movie again it says Donnie. So they're the same person. Sorry about that!

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--

"God dammit!" Jay screamed. I flinched back at the sound of his anger. Donnie had just left, and he was taking it hard. I had come over to apologize for how I acted at the party, but he had forgotten and now I was comforting him outside a shabby motel we had skated to.

"Jay…" I whispered.

"No, you just shut up!" he snapped. Oh no. This wasn't going to go well.

"Jay, listen to me," I said forcefully. "This happened to me too!"

"Yeah, but your mom has Ted now! Who the hell is going to support mine?"

"I don't know," I whimpered. It pained me to see him like this.

"Exactly!" he shouted again. His came closer to me and I thought he was going to hit me. He looked furious. I shrunk a little, but didn't move. I could take a punch.

"Kimber," he said softer, but just as forceful.

"What?"

"I'm sorry," he said in a voice quieter than a whisper. This confused me. His eyes looked as though he was fighting with himself, a silent war was raging in his head. He examined my face with those beautiful eyes.

"For what?" I asked.

"This," he muttered as his face moved closer. It took me by complete shock when his soft lips met mine. At first I froze, not realizing what was happening. Then I took my hand to the back of his head and pulled him closer. He didn't object and grabbed my waist and shoved my body against his own. Both of us were fighting for the leading position in the kiss. Our bodies tangled around each other, there seemed to be no opening between them. Both of us molded to the other flawlessly, like two puzzle pieces. Then my brain caught up with my actions. I pulled away, but he held onto me.

"Jay," I mumbled, instead of listening he kissed my neck.

I tried again. "Your drunk, stop," he didn't listen and continued with the kissing of my neck.

"Jay!" I said loudly. He brought his face up, but didn't release his hold on me. I didn't mind. "We can't do this, you don't like me. Not this way," it almost brought tears to my eyes. It was probably that time of the month.

"What are you talking about?"

"We're just friends."

"I wan to be more."

"No you fucking don't! You just want to get laid!" my eyes were leaking.

"No, I don't, I love you."

"You are so wasted." His grip loosened. I felt like I had been in this position way too many times, but never with Jay. I broke free and stomped away. The tears running freely as he stood there dumbfounded.

--

--

--

I approached the pale blue car I would ride in to Del Mar. My legs were numb with nerves and excitement. But there was also a twinge of anxiety. I was going to see Jay today for the first time in a week. I had seen Stacy and Tony and we were fine. But with Jay I was just embarrassed. Today I had to ride for an hour or more with him? How would this happen?

"Hey, Kimber, man, you ready?" asked Skip from the drivers seat.

"Yeah, man," I replied opening the trunk and throwing my board into it. Then I slid into the backseat where Jay, and Tony were sitting. Tony moved to the middle seat. Sid was upfront.

"Hey bitch!" Tony called laughing.

"Shut up bastard," I replied. Tony and I lived to make fun of each other.

"Oh will do," he said still grinning. I didn't bother to look at Jay. I was most likely overreacting, but then so was he.

"Hey, what are ya'll going to do?" Sid asked, looking back at us. He obviously thought we were prepared.

"Well, I'll be doing Kimber," Tony said raising his eyebrows at me. Jay glared at Tony. Skip whistled.

"Oh no you will not."

"Why who hasn't done you? Give him a chance!" Jay piped up.

"You shut the fuck up you man whore."

--

--

--

"Excuse me, pardon me, coming through, ooh nice socks," Skip's voice slurred to all the people in line to sign in. Jay, Tony, Sid, Red Dog, Peggy, Shogo, Bob and the rest of the team were all following along in his wake.

"Red Dog, man you ready to kick these pansies asses?" I asked him.

"Hell yeah babe. Hey but if that happens you'll drink in celebration and then make-out with another chick, right?" I hit him in the arm. While we were talking Skip sweet-talked the guy at the sign in sheet and we were in. The scene that my eyes met repulsed me. It was a straight wooden glossed over plane.

"What the fuck?!" I exclaimed to no one in particular.

"Dude, what the hell are we supposed to do on this frickin' table top?" Red Dog shouted. As we moved in closer I saw many preppy boys doing moves I did when I was six. I couldn't help but laugh. We sat down, my mouth still hanging open.

"Kimber," a voice whispered in my ear. I recognized it as Jays. How did I end up next to him?

"What?" I asked looking at him. I tried to make my expression harsh, but it just wouldn't cooperate.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Whatever."

"Come on, can we just forget about it?" he asked.

"Forget about what?" he flinched at the harshness in my words.

"Next up riding for Zephyr Skate Team is Jay Adams," said a male voice.

"Your up," he had frozen staring at me. Then he raised himself and went over to the judging table and gave them something I couldn't see. The beginning riffs of Black Sabbaths 'Iron man' began to play. I then knew what he gave them. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was truly amazing. So… aggressive. I loved it. I cheered along with the rest of the team. He finished and returned to where we were sitting. I couldn't help but stand with the rest of the team and congratulate him.

"Hey! You totally blew me away!" I heard a voice say. I turned and the smile slid off my face. It was Gabrielle. This girl I had never gotten along with.

"What? You wanna blow me?" Jay said laughing. All the guys laughed with him. I tried to tune out whatever her answer would be, but couldn't.

"Maybe!" she said with a grin of her own and turned to walk away. Slut.

"Next up, an independent skater, Stacy Peralta," the same male voice said. My head whipped back around. The long blonde hair of Stacy shone in the sunlight. He seemed to be glowing. My mouth dropped. I had heard that Jay broke the news to him but had avoided the topic when with him.

--

--

--

"Dude, it was a bitchin' punch," I said jokingly. It was completely wrong for the mood. I was standing at the back with Tony and Kathy. The judges were announcing the second place winner. Tony had the highest score, but because the head judge or whatever made a slur on his race, Tony had hit him. He then was bumped down to third.

"Second place, Jay Adams," the announcer shouted. Jay pranced up to him snatched the trophy and grabbed a girl around her waist to plant a kiss. Jealousy reared up inside of me. I could feel my face going red. He broke it off, and looked directly at me. There was no smile on his face, nor on mine. He didn't brake off the stare until he was engulfed by the audience. I then saw Stacy walk up politely and take the first place trophy. He couldn't stop smiling and I couldn't blame him.

--

--

--

I threw my board in the trunk of the car. I felt as mad as Tony. I felt a slight pressure on my shoulder and saw Stacy who won first standing there.

"Congrats," I said with a forced smile.

"Thanks," he said, a broad grin on his face. He looked around and then asked, "So what's up with you and Jay?"

"Well, you know, he's just an ass," I said trying to make the conversation light.

"Don't play that game," he said seeing right through that.

"Nothing's wrong."

"I know what it is," he said a smile regaining its place on his face. "You _love _him."

"Shut up!" I said.

"I knew it! I knew it!" I threw myself at him and took him to the ground with my hand on his mouth.

"Stace," I said I was on top of him. "Never say anything, or you die. Okay?" He licked my hand and I brought it off. He took both my wrists in each of his hands and flipped me to the ground so he was straddled on top of me.

"What are you gonna do?" I dared him.

"Eh, this is as far as I thought it through. But I do have great blackmail now," he said as he got up and gave me a hand.

"Great," I sighed as he waved goodbye and walked to his car. I leaned against the car and watched people. Tony marched up to me.

"Hey, man," I said.

"Hey, Kimber," he sighed.

"T.A. I'm so sorry," I tried to say. He looked at me and then to the ground, then back up to me, his curly hair bouncing all the time.

"Yeah," he mumbled.

"I know what will cheer you up."

And with that I got Tony Alva stoned. He was much happier and so was I, also being high.

We got into the car when Jay, Sid, and Skip finally turned up. They knew we were high, and simply smirked. I leaned onto Tony's shoulder and played with his curls.

"They're just so bouncy," I said much louder than necessary. He looked at me and smiled a dopey smile.

"I'm hungry," he said suddenly.

"Oh my god! Me too! Skip I want French Fries! Now!" I yelled. He groaned and then turned into the diner we had already decided to go to.

After we had been seated, gotten our food, and Stacy had shown up, I was regaining a little bit of sense, enough to see Jay watching Kathy Alva very closely. But not enough to remember why I was so mad at him. What was it again? As I pondered this, a cold liquid hit me in the neck and face. I threw my fries in the direction I thought the water had come from. Everyone was throwing their food.

"Stop, Stop! You can't act like that here!" said a pudgy man who waddled up to us. "This is a family restaurant!"

His voice annoyed me and I stood up and threw my cup of Coke at him, staining his yellow shirt. Everyone laughed and started throwing food, but Skip laughed the loudest. Then Sid threw some lettuce and the man grabbed him. Skip lunged for the man, but he hit him.

"Hey! Hey! This is a family restaurant!" Montoya yelled separating the two. But Skip broke loose and rejoined the fight.

--

--

--

We drove home until it was only Jay, me and Skip in the car. I was almost asleep in the front seat when I heard Skip.

"Jayboy, you kicked ass."

"See you, Skip."

I didn't open my eyes until I heard Skip start to drive again.

"So, didn't wanna say bye, eh?" he said. How did he know? I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"I figured it'd be easier to just…"

"Not talk? That's not like you. I've noticed you've been different lately. What's wrong maggot?"

"I haven't been different," I lied.

He was silent for a second. Then,

"Jayboy likes you."

"So?"

"Different like. It's like likes actually likes. You know?"

"Um… no."

"I think you do."

"Look Skip…"

"Hey, don't 'Skip' me. I know things when I see them. You didn't see him the day after he found out about Roger."

"You mean Ryan?"

"Whatever," he said exasperatedly. "You know what I mean. And I think you should give him a chance. He's a good kid."

"Yeah I know that, but we're just friends," why did I keep saying that?

"Whatever you say you little punk." We pulled up to my house and he said goodnight and kicked me out of his car.

--

--

--

The cold wind whipped my hair around my face.

"It's still flat," Sid said.

"Three days in a row," Jay sighed.

I was standing on the pier with them, watching the now flat gray water.

"Hey!" called the familiar voice of Tony, who threw a small rock at us. "Get in!"

Next to him stood Stacy stuffing his face with a sandwich.

We ran to the car with Stacy driving, Jay up front, and me, Tony, and Sid in the back. I had no idea where we were going, until we left Dogtown, and entered the Valley.

"What the fuck?" I asked Tony who was directing.

"You'll see," he said.

We drove into a nice neighborhood, where people were leaving their house.

"Stop, stop, stop. Here," Tony said quickly as the car rolled to a stop.

"Hey, isn't that the girl from Del Mar?" Stacy said, looking back at Tony. He nodded.

"Ooh," I crooned.

"Guys, what are we doing here?" Sid wondered. Tony hit him in the stomach.

"Shut up boy. And sit back," he demanded.

Meanwhile in the front seat, Jay was playing with Stacy's window. He rolled it down, back up, and then tried down again. But he never finished because the handle broke.

"Dammit, Jay! Do you know how much this is gonna cost me? Your and idiot!" Stacy yelled. The rest of us sniggered, as Jay whispered, "Jesus."

"Get down, get down, get down!" Tony said as the people who were leaving finally pulled out of their driveway. We all ducked and heard the car rumble down the street. We took our boards and got out of Stace's car. We tried unsuccessfully to hide them under our shirts and jogged to the white wooden fence that led to a backyard.

"Dude are we gonna rob this place?"

Tony then showed us a set of keys.

"Damn, dude," I said.

We ran through the yard to and empty pool. Alva had jumped in before I registered anything.

"This wave breaks 24 hours a day, every day. And you know what bros? We're gonna be the first to ride it!" he said from the pool.

"Fucking brilliant!" I called darting into the pool after him. The others followed. I felt the wall. It was so steep. I was so excited.

"There's no way, this is too gnarly," Stacy said from the other side.

"Not if you got the balls," Tony yelled running into Jay. We all ran to the shallow side of the empty pool. Mad Dog went first. He rode down the slope and tried going up the side underneath the diving board. His board came out from under him and he fell to the ground.

"Aw," we all seemed to moan together.

It happened to Stacy too, except he slid down the side.

And again to Jay, who fell with a backflip to the bottom.

Then I tried. I went down the slope with the familiar swooping sensation in my stomach and gained speed going up the wall. But the board stayed on the pool wall, while I fell to the bottom like the others. I saw my board still sliding when I fell and threw my hands over my head just in time, as it came to hit me. I pushed it, and tried to feel if anything hurt. Other than some stinging, which was normal, I was fine and returned to the other side.

Jay shouted, "It's this stupid diving board!" We ran up to move it and Jay pushed it away himself. And back into the pool we went.

Alva started again.

"Hit it low," Jay said.

Tony pulled it off.

Then Jay went.

"Over the light!"

"Whoa…"

"Damn!"

And Stacy after that went over the light perfectly too.

I then succeeded going over the light.

Sid tried, but his board popped out and he fell with a crash to the floor, and didn't move. We ran to look at him. Tony poked him with his board. Sid stirred and looked at us.

"Aw, ah," were the noises he made.

"Are you alright, man?" Stacy asked.

"I-I can't feel my feet," this scared me but he continued sticking a joint in his mouth, "But then again, I can never feel my feet," he finished laughing.

Jay hit him on the head, and we began to skate once more.

It began that day, and then we had binoculars searching for empty pools. The group began to get bigger and bigger. And we were getting better. We soon had people watching us and cops searching for us.

--

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--

"Hey, dude, which way do I live?" I panted. Jay and I had ran from a house and gotten separated from the others. The setting sun had disappeared to complete darkness. I had no idea where we were.

"Aw, shit," I groaned.

"Nah, man I'll get you home," he said looking around and still wearing the hat he had stolen from the old man.

"Really? And how are you gonna do that?"

"Just follow me," he sighed going left down an alleyway. I ran to catch up with him. I didn't realize it but it was weird being alone with Jay now. We had never resolved the issue and hadn't ever been alone since. After a few minutes of silence,

"So… what's up?" I said stupidly. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Kimber, we need to figure this out."

"What?" I asked.

"You know what," he said and stopped walking. I sat down on the curb directly under and orange streetlight.

"So, what is it?" I said, wanting him to start.

"That night when we kissed. What did you mean by it?"

"God, you're serious tonight," I teased.

"Just answer the damn question," he pressed on.

"Okay, okay… um… I just got caught up in it you know?" he nodded and sat next to me. His face glowed the gold orange light of the streetlamp, making his eyes dark, but still as piercing.

"Wait, what did you mean?" I asked him.

"I really meant it," he said solemnly.

"Really?"

"I guess… I mean… I really fucked up our relationship, huh?" he said at an attempt for a laugh.

"Wait, you meant it though?"

"Don't make me repeat myself," he said, his face in his hands. I took one hand in my own and used my other to turn his face to me.

"Damn, you fuck everything up," I sighed as I moved inwards to him. Our lips met again, and the natural feeling seemed to crawl up inside of us. It just felt right. He began to lie down on the hard pavement and let my frame lay on top of his. His hands on my hips and mine now on his bare chest, we stayed, making out until common sense washed over us.

"You know," he said, now back to his normal self, "I wasn't drunk when I said I loved you."

"We're you high?"

"Flying."

"That explains it," I said smirking. He sat upright pulling me into the sitting position also.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked him.

"I think right."

"No you idiot, I mean like…"

"Oh, I guess, we could, be like a, you know…"

"Yeah, sure… that'd be fine," I stood to my feet.

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review people, review! Cause if you're reading and not reviewing… grr.

I need feedback/ideas.

I know where I want this to go, but its getting there.

Thanks if you help!

-lette.


	5. in the evening, when the day is done

I do not own anything…blah blah blah.

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Perhaps it was the fact that Jay and I were together. Or maybe that I was on a skate team. It could also be that school had ended so Kendall was off my back. Maybe it was a combination of the three, and that the parties had gotten ten times better. Whatever it was, I woke up the next morning feeling elated. That night Jay had walked me home, and kissed me for what seemed like forever, although we did have a few things to say.

"Hey, Jay," I murmured, while we were lying on the hard pavement outside my house. He was on top of me. It had been a fairly romantic night, I had to hand it to the guy.

"Hmm?" he replied, and then tried to start making out again.

"No, just one second," I said, pushing him off me and going to a sitting position. "I have a question."

"What?"

"Well, I don't think we should tell anyone about this."

"Why?" he asked, looking dumbfounded.

"Dude, we're like the most unlikely couple. And you have like so many girls all over you," I tried to explain. How could I tell him that the reason I didn't want anyone to know is because I didn't want to be screwed over by him? And then have everyone know?

"Yeah, whatever," he sighed. "You know, I just really wanted to tell the guys I fucked you," he said making the conversation light again.

"Boy, you're not getting that far," I replied, a smirk on my face. Maybe he would be the first boy to do that. Although it seemed I had done that with every boy I dated, I did have self-respect and feministic values. Besides if I did they would leave in an instant, I was sure of that. So I would play the game like they could get some, then dump them when they got close. It was quite fun.

I crawled out of bed reliving this memory. It was hard to believe I was dating a guy I shared so many interests with. But we weren't dating. I had to keep reminding myself of that, although it was hard not to smile as I brushed my teeth.

I saw Stacy's car pull up on the street in front of my house. I walked down the beaten concrete steps to the car. Stacy was driving, I saw Kathy in the front seat with the still broken window, Tony behind Kathy, and Sid next to Tony. My heart sank in the slightest when I noticed Jay wasn't in there.

"Move, Tony," I said, as he slid over to give me room.

"Ooh, I like it when you boss me around," he said, flashing one of his priceless grins, that made most girls blush.

"What about Blanca, Tony. Won't she mind?" I asked, making Kathy turn around.

"What's she talking about?" she questioned. Kathy and Blanca were close friends.

"Your dead, Wolffe," he whispered in my ear, then said audibly, "Nothing, Kimber just means… about the gift I bought her. You know and then gave to Blanca, because Kimber stole it, or something," he finished lamely.

"Uh-huh," she said with her accent thicker than normal.

Stacy bit his lip in the driver's seat to restrain his laughter.

"So, Stace, you and Kathy official?" I wondered aloud, knowing it would be more uncomfortable with her there. How interesting. His laughter cut at once.

"Uh…" he tried to start, but Kathy cut him off.

"Course we are, chica," she said trying to make it sound nicer. Kathy and I had never gotten along, mainly because I socked her in 9th grade for trashing Pink Floyd. I was proud of the punch because it gave her a black eye for a week. I grinned thinking of it.

"Where we headed Stace?" Sid asked.

"Venice Noodle," he said still blushing from my question.

"Who all is gonna be there?" I tried to make it sound like I didn't care.

"Red Dog, Peggy, Shogo, and Jay I think, Biniak might show too," Stacy rattled off.

"Why do you care? You love everyone," Tony's voice muttered in my ear to where only I could hear him. I looked at him and smelled the scent of cinnamon. Damn he always smelled good.

"I don't I was just wondering," I lied easily. We could speak normally now that Kathy had turned up some Aerosmith.

"I think not. You have a thing for someone in the group, and I'm gonna find out, baby. You just wait."

"Hah, who would I be interested in?"

"I don't know… Jayboy?" I tried not to flush. "Last night you and him ran off in a direction and I didn't see either of you again."

"Jay's a complete asshole," I said as though offended. Truth be told I couldn't care less. "And we've been friends since I was six."

"Yeah, but remember in fifth grade whenever you would wrestle with him? He was trying to get to second base."

"What a little pervert."

"You love a little pervert."

"Fuck off Alva."

"I touched a nerve."

"T.A. I swear I will tell Kathy about all your scandals with other girls, and Blanca will dump you in a second," I wouldn't ever do that.

"You-" but at that time I noticed we were in the parking lot for the Venice Noodle, and threw the car door open and went to the restaurant. I walked in with Stacy who had caught up with me. We saw them immediately. The loudest group of teenage asses causing a riot you could find. I walked over to them sitting in the biggest booth in the corner of the place. Jay looked up as he saw me, and I thought his face lit up a little. I had actually looked at the clothes I would put on this morning before I wore them. I had the shortest cutoffs I could find, a tight Grateful Dead shirt that showed off my midriff well, and my usual Vans. My hair was down and wavy with the blue showing up especially bright.

"Hey," he said slowly, looking me up and down. Stacy looked between us shocked. I noticed this while Jay didn't.

"Move over jackass," I said laughing. He came out of his trance and moved for me to sit next to him. Stace looked as though he was trying to figure out what he just saw when Kathy came up and pulled him into the booth, with her practically in his lap.

"Trying to get me to notice you?" Jay whispered out of the side of his mouth.

"Not at all, just thought I wouldn't wear a bra today," I said, equally quietly. His head spun to my chest and he stared for a second. "Just kidding, God…"

"Don't do that to me," he said with a malicious grin. I saw Tony's amused face out of the corner of my eye and decided to do something about it. I took Jay's fries and threw them directly in his face, some getting caught in his curls. He took the ketchup bottle from the middle of the table and squirted it all over me. I was so angry with him ruining my clothes I couldn't say anything. I wiped my eyes and mouth as clean as I could while I heard the others throwing food. I heard footsteps running to our table, and looked through my stinging eyes to see the manager, Stacy's boss.

Shit. I loved seeing my friends in awkward situations, but Stacy being fired? I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I ran through some options quickly in my head, while the others continued waging war. Normally I could use my body, but I was covered in ketchup. Maybe it would be a turn on? No it wouldn't be. I could try taking the blame for it, but it most likely would still get him in trouble. The manager was getting closer as I decided to just grab Stacy and run through the fire exit. I hurled myself over Tony, and took Stacy's upper arm, and heaved. Kathy fell and the manager simply stared after us. He then began yelling things at the others. We fell out the back door with sunlight washing over us. He looked at me gratefully.

"Thanks, I didn't even notice he was coming over there," he said laughing slightly at the narrow escape.

"Yeah, well, I'm smart," I said smiling, but on the inside I was a little annoyed. Jay and I were separated for the time being.

"You look pretty disgusting," he told me. It was true. My hair was matted with ketchup and my shirt was completely covered in it. My face had a redish tint to it.

"Ew, it really smells," I sighed, further examining my now ruined outfit. That's what I got for trying to look nice. Fuck this.

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I walked up the steps to my house with Stacy. We had decided to hang out there for a while, then check Zephyr. I opened the bright red door to the messy house. I saw my siblings lounging around, and then, oddly enough, my mother. She was supposed to be at work. She was sitting alone at the circular table with her head in her hands, her beautiful light brown hair was tangled, as though her hands had been running through it. I looked at Stacy and said,

"Hey, go hang with Alex or something. I have to talk to my mom," he understood and sat next to Alex on the yellow couch. They were watching Charlie's Angels. I walked over to the table and sat down in the chair across from Kendall. She started at the squeak of the wheels on the chair.

"Oh, honey, it's you," she mumbled. I noticed that her normally soft and pretty face looked lined and stressed. Her big light brown eyes were full of something like disappointment. I couldn't tell for sure.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing, nothing…" this was a terrible lie in my opinion, for there had never been a worse giveaway.

"Seriously, tell me."

"Well, today at work… what happened to you?" she had just registered my stained appearance. I could tell that she had jumped to the conclusion of blood.

"Ketchup, but what about your job?" I said waving my hand to dismiss the fact.

"I… got fired."

"Why?" I asked, suddenly worried.

"Well, just being too tired, and not good enough. But Kimber, I don't want you telling anyone about this okay? I don't want your siblings to worry…" she trailed off.

"Look mom I can get a job-"

"That's not necessary," she said standing up. And with that she left me sitting at the table alone.

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The small battery was cold against my hand. I reached up to my hood and brought it lower over my face. I noticed that Tony, Jay and Stacy weren't trying to be as inconspicuous as I was. I looked at their faces and said in the most demanding voice I could muster,

"Look, dudes, you have to try and… not look like yourselves."

"Ugh… shut up. They'll pick us up anyway," Tony snapped back.

We were standing at the bus stop and all had batteries in our hands. We would throw them at passing cars, or pedestrians while on the bus. A few minutes later the shabby blue and white bus came to a rolling stop and opened its doors. The elderly man that was muttering to himself stepped slowly on first, we followed. I realized my smirk was implanted onto my face as Jay, who was walking behind me, pushed my butt up the three stairs. The driver, a pudgy balding man, didn't spare a glance at us. I breathed a sigh of relief. What else would I have done with my day? Sure, I could spend it with Jay, but how would we ever be alone. We took our normal spots at the back of the bus, the two across from each other. I slid into the plastic seat hoping Jay would be the one to slide next to me. He did. I smiled for a second catching his eye. He grinned stupidly at me, showing me the batteries in his hands.

I couldn't help but notice the beautiful glint in his topaz eyes. I was drowning in them, but this type of drowning was one in which I never would want to breathe again.

"Hey, roll down the window," Jay said to me. I couldn't help but die a little inside at such a stupid remark.

"Okay…" I replied, taking the top of the window and pulling it down halfway. I looked to my left and saw Tony doing the same with Stacy watching eagerly.

"So," he said in a lower voice. "How've you been? You disappeared today after the Venice Noodle."

"I had to save Stacy from losing his job," I whispered back, not looking at him.

"Whatever, what are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing, why?"

"Lets hang out," he said, raising his eyebrows in the slightest.

"What does that involve?" His eyebrows went even farther up his forehead.

"Yeah, that'd be fine," I agreed. "Can we throw the batteries already?" I asked. Tony and Stacy had already thrown half of their ammo.

"Sure," he grinned and leaned over me to throw the first battery at a biker.

After we had been thrown off the bus, the day passed without incident. We smoked a few blunts, ripped a few pools, and the guys harassed many girls.

The darkness of night came quickly and I said my goodbyes to the guys, claiming to feeling sick. Jay and I had devised this plan. He would take a different route than me, but the two crossed paths. My Van clad feet tread down a sidewalk, passed a warehouse and came to a cross-section. I scanned the direction Jay would be coming from and saw no one. I sat down, knowing my path was much shorter.

I felt very conflicted. The thought had been running threw my mind many times that day: what would happen when Jay and I broke up? But then again we weren't even a real couple. Yet I desired to be one. Which brought me back to the original problem. Would our friendship ever be the same? Well I knew it would never be the same for me. I couldn't help but feel a very magnetic connection to him. The sound of approaching footsteps brought me out of my trance. Thinking it was Jay I spun my head to the unknown person with a broad grin. Unfortunately, the voice that spoke belonged to a girl.

"Kimber! What are you doing out here?" Kathy's voice exclaimed. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. All I could do was hope that Jay wouldn't come around the corner.

"I… Um…" I stuttered out, becoming aware of how weird I must have looked sitting down. "Jay and I were gonna go skate."

"Just you and him?" she asked. I knew perfectly well that she was always on the hunt for a piece of gossip. I pushed myself to my feet to reach her eye level. They were a deep brown and her long hair had a red glow about it. I was realizing how much more beautiful she was than I. Another set of footsteps echoed through the night. This time they were actually Jay's. I heard them slow, obviously taking in the scene. He reached the spot where we had stood and his bewildered expression was readable.

"Oh, hey you guys," his gaze lingered on her for a second longer than it had on me. More jealousy reared up inside of me.

"Jay," she drawled. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?" he questioned. He looked her up and down. I then realized she was wearing a clean, flowing white shirt and a denim skirt. If he didn't stop looking I was going to hit him. Without giving her time to answer, I cut in using an innuendo I knew her small mind couldn't figure out.

"Well, I don't know about you two, but I think it's going to rain," I glanced up at the clear sky. "I really want to get wet, but not out here," Jay's mouth almost dropped. Kathy looked at me as though I was crazy. "I'll see you two later," I finished smirking and walking away slowly. I heard him exchange a hurried goodbye and ran to catch pace with me.

"Decided to join me?" I said with a smirk.

"Lets go to my place," he told me.

"Sweet."

Fifteen minutes later would find us walking up his stairs. He swung open the screen door to his cozy house. I had always been welcome here.

"Phalaine!" I called seeing her in the next room. There was no need to shout, apart from my excitement of seeing her for the first time in a while. Jay rolled his eyes and went to the fridge.

"Sweetie! How are you?" she asked moving towards me and giving me a tight hug. Her blond hair and green eyes smiled at me, as though she were my own mother.

"I'm good, you?"

"Just fine… fine. Jayboy, honey, that ham went bad a month ago." He spit out the ham immediately and she turned back to me. "It's so nice to see you again! You need to come around again, where have you been-"

"Mom!" Jay interrupted. "Kimber and I were gonna go hang, so, can you like…"

"Oh, I get it," she said with a wink at us. Jay flushed as he took my arm and led me into his room. He swept me into his room and threw me onto the bed. I gave a small gasp as he leaped on top of me and began kissing me. It was ever so natural with him, never forced. He parted his lips and mine and looked down at me. His golden hair hung with a curtain on each side of his head. His topaz eyes were shining with excitement and passion as he licked his pink lips. He then came from being on top of me to beside me in his bed. His arms stayed around me and he placed his head parallel to mine. We fell asleep holding each other, not bothering to even take off our shoes.

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Sorry, this chapter was a filler. Very much so. And I realize that some of the characters (Stacy) are a little off to how the movie portrayed them. It's because I read an interview with Tony Alva and he said Stacy wasn't that straight and Jay that angry. So I went by it. But it'd be cool if you'd review! Cause I need it to keep writing.

-lette.


	6. fame whore

I don't own Lords of Dogtown, or any of the music I use. I realize that many of my chapters start off in the morning and I'm trying to stop.

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A bright ray of golden sunlight was shining through the window. It cascaded across our faces like a warm bath. My legs were tangled around in his, while his arms held me tightly. I could feel his hot breath on my forehead with my face being buried in his neck. I breathed in deeply, and smelled him. That sweet smell of wood, and his skin was so soft. I knew he was still asleep and didn't want to wake him, but I was beginning to get uncomfortable in this position. My eyes fluttered open, and the lashes tickled his Adams Apple. I shifted my head upwards to try and place it on a pillow, but he caught the movement. He gave a grunt and his eyes slowly opened. His lips curved into a small smile as he said sleepily,

"Morning." All I could do was smile back at him for fear of morning breath. I gestured to the door and he released me to turn over to his other side, no doubt falling asleep once again.

As I climbed out of his bed quietly, I couldn't help but think of how nice it was to just sleep with him and not have him pine for sex. I walked slowly down the hall in the clothes I had worn the night before. Thankfully, Phalaine was off at work so I exited the house without a disturbance.

I walked down the steps of his place and headed in the direction of P.O.P. I had a feeling Skip might be there, just waiting for waves, and I wanted to talk to him about how I performed at Del Mar.

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The pale blue waves smashed against the sand. The gentle breeze came warmly onto my face as I walked into the sand. I saw Skip sitting on his board out in the water, but it was flat.

"Skip! Man there's no use!" I heard Chino shouting.

"I know! I know!" Skip yelled back. A few of his friends began paddling in at this remark, but Skip's head did a fleeting sweep of the ocean, before finally giving in. He came in sighing, when Chino pointed at me.

"Maggot! Where've you been?" Skip called out, as I walked over to his side. He shook his shaggy, wet hair, splattering me with droplets of water.

"Just around, you know," I said drying my cheek, which was the wettest. "Hey, Skip, I was wondering… about Del Mar."

"What about it?"

"How do you think I did?"

"You're one of the best on the team, but…" he paused and looked for the first time I had known him, like he was choosing his words. "You're always messing around with it, man. Gotta get serious to win." I considered this. Jay had fun with it, but he was much better than I was, and could do that. Otherwise most of them did take it seriously, and Skip Engblom had actually said something that made sense.

"Yeah, I get it. You're right."

"I know I am. Go do something useful, alright? I got important things to do," he finished waving me away.

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"Peggy, hey!" I called at her, after she had almost hit me while I was sliding up the side of the pool on my board.

"Kimber! Get over here!" the girl cried, jumping out of the empty pool and going into the house. I stood there, bewildered by this demanding new behavior of hers. "Now!" she yelled, coming back into the doorway. I did not direct my body to actually obey the demand of Peggy's, yet it followed. I maneuvered my way out of the pool and into the eccentric house. It had a high ceiling and beautiful stone walls. Peggy made her way down one of its many hallways, with me at her heels. She took a right through a wooden door, which lead to a very wide bedroom. The bed was a king with a deep blue comforter, which complimented the light blue walls. Peggy spun me onto the bed and gave me a hard look.

"Tell me."

"What?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Who he is!" she said excitedly at the prospect of a new boyfriend.

"Peggs, I'm not with anyone," I said firmly.

"Yes, you so are," she smirked.

"No, seriously," I sighed on the inside, was it always so obvious? "If I had a new guy, you'd know before me."

With that I pushed myself off the bed and through the door, back out to the pool, with her following me, thinking over what she had just heard. A few wolf-whistles met my ears as Peggy and I exited the house together. Tony ran up to me, a dopey grin in place.

"How was it?" he said laughing.

"Oh, shut up," I grumbled, not in the mood for this. I found myself wishing that Jay and I were alone. He, meanwhile, stood with his board propped up into his hand staring at the scene of hormonal guys, but not partaking in it. I took a leap into the drained pool, grabbed my own board, and took off. He smiled a small smile obviously knowing what a showoff I was.

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I strutted inside the small house, cramped with people. I recognized the heads of my three best friends on Tony's couch drinking beer. I made my way through the people towards them and perched myself on the arm of the couch. They looked up at me and grinned. Jay handed me his beer, as he was closest (which I hade done on purpose), and I took a sip. A tingle shot down my spine that had nothing to do with the bubbly liquid. The taste of his lips remained on the plastic cup, tantalizingly sweet. I gave it back to him and his hand brushed mine, sending another electric shock wave. I bit my lip. It was all I could do to keep myself from pouncing on top of him.

"Dudes, lets go get high," I stated. Instantly they stood and I led the way to Tony's room. It had both he and Kathy's bed parallel from each other, decorated to their own liking. I sat myself down on Kathy's bed with Jay as Stacy and Tony sat on the other. Tony pulled a white joint out of his pocket and lit it. It was slowly passed around until it reached me. I took it gratefully and held in my puff of smoke. It burned my throat as I released it and took another breath. Slowly the joint came to an end, as my senses slowly burned out as well. We left the room back to the party. A new song was playing.

_Feeling so tired, can't understand it_

_Just had a fortnight's sleep_

_I'm feeling so tired, I'm so distracted _

_Ain't touched a thing all week._

_I'm feeling drunk, juiced up and sloppy_

_Ain't touched a drink all night_

_I'm feeling hungry, can't see the reason_

_Just ate a horse meat pie_

A voice I had not heard in what seemed like forever rang in my ear.

"Hey, I haven't seen you around." I turned to see the sleek black hair and blue eyes.

"Hey man," I slurred happily. I was too high to remember that I had practically broken contact with him, instead of breaking up with him properly.

"Are you excited to see me?" he smiled, obviously thinking I would laugh.

"Oh, well Ryan, I'm just… surprised," I said, forcing a small grin. It came out as a grimace. I saw Jay out of the corner of my eye, watching us closely. I felt my mind slide a little into place.

_Yeah, when you call my name_

_I salivate like a Pavlov dog_

_Yeah, when you lay me out_

_My heart is beating louder_

_Than a big bass drum, alright_

_Yeah, you got to mix it child_

_You got to fix it, must be love_

_It's a bitch, alright_

He seemed to pick up on my utter embarrassment. His smile became smaller and his eyes scanned the room landing on Jay. He had noticed Jay looking at us. Ryan glanced at me, back to Jay and finally figured it out. Jay's eyes did not waver under the glare of Ryan's.

"Kimber, who's that?" he asked raising his eyebrows in a dangerous manner.

"That's Jay, you remember him," I said glancing at the floor, hoping I would not let anything slip.

_Sometimes I'm sexy, move like a stud_

_Like I'm kicking the stall all night_

_Sometimes I'm so shy, got to be worked on_

_Don't have no bark or bite, alright_

_Yeah, when you call my name _

_I salivate like a Pavlov dog_

_Yeah, when you lay me out, _

_My heart is bumpin' louder _

_Than a big bass drum, alright_

Mick Jagger finished the song with more 'hey's and 'yeah's and one more 'alright.' I wished I could finish this embarrassing moment like he had finished that song. Jay approached us and turned his back on Ryan to lock eyes with me.

"Hey, babe."

"Man, I'm talking to her here!" Ryan said, shoving Jay in the shoulder. He had obviously been drinking, because Ryan was not aggressive normally.

"Yeah man I can see that," Jay said nonchalantly, turning to face Ryan.

"Give us some space then."

"Fuck," I whispered to myself, jumping in the middle of them with my arms out on either side of me, going into their chests. The jump had made my head spin, and I wondered for a second what I was doing, standing in the middle of two guys.

"Kimber, get out of this!" Jay said, and for the first time when he was high, he had become angry. He did not look at me. I realized that many people in the vicinity had began to watch us.

"Jay," I purred in his ear. "Just let it go. Please."

"Yeah, pussy, just let it go!" Ryan jeered.

"Kimber, move!" he yelled at me, but Ryan pushed me aside, and I being unprepared, fell to the ground. "What did you just do?" Jay asked menacingly.

"Whatever man, I'm out of here."

But before Ryan could leave, Jay lunged clumsily at him, punching him square in the jaw. I sprang to my feet, well aware everyone was now watching hard, and I called out,

"Stacy! Tony!" The two ran to the front of the population watching and flung themselves onto Jay and Ryan. Stace managed to get a hold on Jay while Tony grabbed Ryan.

"Dude, chill!" Stacy said to Jay, who was panting. He nodded and glared at me. I faltered under his glare, and trembled a little. Jay released himself from Stacy and left the house. Stacy came up to me, with a disdainful look.

"You better follow him," he told me solemnly.

"I know," I replied frowning a little, but left the party anyway. Many whispers reached my ears, and I was sure I knew whom and what they were about.

When I walked outside he was nowhere to be seen. It didn't matter, for I had a vague idea of where he was.

The full moon was reflected in the deep blue of the ocean. A rock shattered the calmness of the water and ripples broke through it, eventually evaporating. I did not need to search for the person whom had thrown the rock. I trudged through the sand and reached him.

"Jay," I said, but when he didn't cut me off or yell, I froze. That was as far as I had planned. "Um…" I began again. "Listen, I'm sorry." He grunted and threw another rock. The splash of it sent more ripples and a chill through me. I stood there in silence, staring out at the ocean. A few minutes of quiet later he spoke.

"Sorry? That's it?" he would not give me the courtesy of looking at me.

"What do you want?" I wondered out loud.

"Oh I don't know… how about that guy's a dick and don't worry about him?" I was surprised. Was that his way of saying apologize?

"Why should I apologize? What did I do? And you need to get a hold of yourself, God…" I trailed off still staring at only the side of his face.

He chose not to answer my first two questions."A hold of myself, huh?" Another rock was thrown, and still he didn't look at me. "Look, we don't even need to break anything, because there's nothing to break. So you can leave now."

"Jay… look I don't know what you're talking about," he finally looked at me and it shocked me. His eyes, normally so light and happy, were full of anger and hatred. Cold hatred, that seemed to make everything disappear.

"Hpmph," was all the sound he made, and then he turned his head back to the sea. Suddenly, frustration and anger to match Jay's swooped inside of me and I wanted to tackle him. But, I knew that would only make it worse. So I decided to scream.

"Look at me!" His head snapped around, eyes still hating me, but said nothing. I took advantage and pushed my lips onto his, trying to put what I couldn't say into the kiss. I tried to communicate the way I felt for him and show him that I was sorry, though I had no idea what I had done. He froze for a second under my impulse but gave in, placing his strong hands on the back of my head.

I broke the kiss and looked into his topaz eyes. The coldness had gone, but he still looked conflicted. I couldn't stand it.

"Jay, I don't know what the hell I did, but I'm not sorry," I said, not letting go of the fact that I thought I was innocent. His face remained close to mine, his hand still cupping my head, as he simply gazed at me. I waited for what seemed like a minute, and he said nothing, just stared. "Forget it," I said, my anger flooding back. I tried to leave but he caught me around my waist and whispered,

"You live that way," he pointed the other direction.

"I know that," I said indignantly.

"Then where are you going?"

"I… um…" I muttered, looking back at my black and white checkered Vans. I shrugged my shoulders. I felt the warmth of his touch as he titled my head back up to look at him. And for the first time I saw his face clearly in the moonlight. It was the face of comfort when I was depressed, the features of glee when I wished to have fun, and the shapes of every feeling in between. I needed to get a grip on myself. Why was I falling so hard, just to break up? I would never settle down. I knew then that was how it would end and I still wanted him, with every fiber of my being. And he kissed me, and it contained the passion and excitement. The sweetness of his mouth was perfectly in synched with what my own was doing. Finally, I felt the need for air. He took my hand and pulled me down to the sand. He lay down and I settled my own head on his chest, letting the beauty of the deep blue, sky wash over us, mingled with the pure white crescent moon and the twinkling stars. They seemed to smile down at us, in an annoyingly knowing way I could not explain, but as if they knew our futures.

--

--

--

My back was stiff and I felt grainy all over my body. It was a very uncomfortable position. I opened my eyes and they stung viciously. I shut them quickly, sat up and rubbed them hard with my hands. Immediately I realized my mistake. My hands were covered with sand, which had seeped through my eyelids, forcing them to burn even more violently. I staggered in the direction I thought the ocean might be, when I felt someone grab me around the waist. I jumped and gave a little shriek, but could not open my eyes. I flung my arms wildly around hoping to hit my attacker.

"Whoa, dude take it easy, Kimber," Jay said in an easy-going voice, while taking my wrists gently in his hands. I relaxed a little.

"My-eyes-hurt," I staggered out. I felt insanely childish.

"Come here," he said pulling me by the hand. I realized that we were no longer in the sand, but the solid, flat ground of the parking lot.

"What? Where? Jay?" I asked blindly.

"Ugh… just shut up… I have to sneak you in the back…" he muttered. I heard a door creak open and Jay led me into cool air and the smell of pancakes wafted toward me. He took a sharp turn and I heard another door open, hang open for a second and then him yank me hard. I heard the sound of running water and he placed my hands underneath it. I felt the grains of sand roll off my hands, and bent over to put my face under the water. It was cool and I rubbed the sand off of my eyes. I came up and opened them. In the cracked, rusty, old mirror, I saw my drained face. Jays face stood expectantly by mine, staring into my eyes through the mirror. It shocked me the way he looked at me. No other guy could do that. But then I took a closer look at myself, and was a little amazed.

Even with my eyes red and puffy, I did not look half bad. My dark hair hung straight and shiny, only in the slightest frizzy. My eyes were bright and lips pink. My olive skin seemed to give off a glow, and my cheeks were rosy.

"You ready?" he grinned, still looking through the mirror. I didn't smile back but walked through the door and out into the diner.

"We're eating. I'm hungry," I stated heading to a booth. I sat down on the plastic and watched him sit. He was wearing a plain black shirt and some faded jeans. He too, was covered in sand. His golden hair glimmered in the faint light and his topaz eyes were watching mine, watching his. He picked up a menu and perused it. I took my own and looked it over.

"Um… I'm getting the chocolate chip pancakes," I told him, setting down the menu. "What about you?"

"Omelet," he said tonelessly. "So, Kimber, you think everyone knows? I wouldn't mind… now we can get it on," he laughed.

"Ugh… whatever," I grumbled. That wasn't what I wanted to hear right now. We sat in silence for a few minutes, before he broke it.

"Kimber, I-" but he was cut off by the waitress. She had a pouf of frizzy brown hair, was smacking on gum, and was very large.

"What can I get ya?" she asked, bored.

We ordered and she walked away, clearly annoyed.

"I don't have any money," I told him.

"I don't either," he replied.

"Dine and Dash?"

"Exactly."

"You remember when we were 12, and we tried that for the first time, but left T.A. there?"

"Oh my God, yes," he laughed. "And then we saw him later and he had to wash dishes."

"Yeah," I reminisced. Then I thought of the party at Biniak's place later tonight.

"You coming to Biniak's?" I said, as the waitress came over and set our food down. I drowned my pancakes in syrup, watching him over our glasses of water.

"Hell yeah," he said while stuffing the entire omelet into his mouth and smacking loudly.

--

--

--

"There they are!"

"Can you believe it? _Her _with _Him?_"

"I heard he beat a guy because he was talking about her."

The whispers carried through the room and hit my ears like poison. How could I hear them? The house was so full of music it should have been impossible. But unfortunately, nothing was ever that easy.

"Shit," I muttered. Jay looked at me stupidly and asked,

"What? Something wrong?"

"Yes, you dillhole, everyone is talking about us."

"You should like that," he said with a smirk.

"Huh?" I asked. He better not say what I thought he would say.

"Well, you love to be the center of attention, don't think I haven't noticed."

"Fuck off," I said, but inside I was slightly elated. So he thought he knew me?

We weaved our way to where Tony, Stacy, Biniak, Sid, and a girl I didn't know stood.

They were laughing at something amusing when we approached.

"Hey," I smiled.

"Well, if it isn't the lovers," Biniak crowed. He was all for making me look like an idiot.

"Yeah right. I would never be with him," I laughed while flipping my hair.

"Oh as if. I was at the party last night! I saw the whole thing," said the girl. Her voice

was annoyingly high and her red hair seemed to bounce with each word.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Kimber," Biniak said. "This is Fawn."

"Ew," I sighed. "Well, I don't care. Hey have you guys heard from Skip?" Fawn looked

angry but said nothing.

"Nope. I think he's mad at us," Stacy replied.

"Why would he be?" Jay questioned.

"I don't know that's his problem," Stacy said, taking another swig of beer and looking

around for someone. At that moment, Kathy Alva glided over to us and took Stacy by the

waist to lean into a kiss. It was disgusting. I noted how Jay determinedly looked away,

and wondered why.

"Oh god," I whispered to myself. "I need a fucking drink."

"Yeah, no lie there, baby. You were up all night on your back. That must be real

uncomfortable." Tony said, and at that same time began moaning in an imitation of me.

I simply rolled my eyes and said with relish,

"Yeah, I was. After I did that dirty and sweaty and hot deed with your dad it really wore me out."

"Whatever," he answered. I turned to go retrieve a beer and made it all the way to the keg in the corner before I realized Tony was following me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to look at him.

"Bastard, what?"

"You and Jay are together right?"

"No! Why does everybody think that?"

"You know why. But that's not what I'm trying to tell you. I know my sister a hell of a lot better than you and I'm just saying…watch out."

"Look Alva, I don't need your advice."

"Maybe you do," he added before pumping me out a cup of beer and returning to the party.

--

--

--

Another filler! The next one I'm working on isn't I promise.

But unless I get reviews it might not be posted for a long time. Just saying, tell your friends! Haha.

-lette.


	7. seven

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything… duh.

--

--

--

"_Maybe you do."_

Tony's words rang through my head. I was sitting on my bed and had been since I woke that morning with a terrible hangover. All the thinking I was doing didn't help my headache. I ran my hand through my dark hair.

Obviously, Tony had said that just to make me think, or to see my reaction and verify Jay and I being together. He was surely laughing somewhere. And I, having known him forever, should have known that and not dwelt on the matter.

So why was I? Why was I sitting there, replaying the scene over and over in my head, trying to pick apart everything I knew about Tony? Was Jay using me to make Kathy jealous? He couldn't be; no one knew we had a thing. But Jay had always found that having more than one woman was so much-

_Knock, knock, knock._

The light sound made me jump out of my trance as the knob turned and Alex entered.

"Hey," he said.

"What?" I asked, not caring that he had done nothing to deserve my impatience.

"Can we smoke one? Please?" I was taken aback. I knew Alex smoked, but he had never done that with me.

"Sure, sure," I fumbled out, getting off my bed and crawling under it. My parents thought they had taken all of my pot, but they were seriously wrong. That was my light stash. Nothing big, the real bag was under there. I swept my hand around on the dusty floor, finally falling upon something that crumpled under my touch. I came out from under the bed covered in dust. I swept myself clean, trying to catch Alex's eye. He seemed determined not to look at me, for he was perusing the top of my desk, which contained nothing but my wetsuit. After a few moments of silence, I licked the paper of the joint to seal it, and he looked at me, smiling vaguely.

I took a lighter from inside of the sheets of my bed and lit the joint. I took a deep breath of it and passed it to him.

"What happened to you?' I questioned.

He puffed on the joint, looked at it, and then said, "This is good stuff," he then handed it back to me.

I nodded slowly, not pushing him. Another round and he would be talking, but I didn't need another; I was already talking.

"So at the party last night, Tony said something. And it has me thinking, but what if it's just a joke? And I'm stressed because mom lost her job and I keep thinking I should get one. And Ted hates me, he hasn't spoken to me all week," I sighed finishing my problems. They sounded so lame being spoken aloud. He surveyed me through the smoke.

"You and Jay are going out," it wasn't a question.

"What?"

"Don't deny it, I saw you two kissing outside one night while I was taking Janice back…" he trailed off, lost in thought.

"When was Janice here?"

"She's been coming over here for a while now, mainly at night," he muttered sadly.

"And I've never even met her, I'm ashamed by your lack of manners," I was high and didn't want him to mope around with whatever was bothering him. We needed to talk about me.

"Yeah, yeah… if I tell you something, will you not judge me immediately?"

"Uh… sure man. Whatever," I was prepared for a storm, and lay back onto my bed with the joint.

"We did it, and she's all…serious now. But the worst part is Ted caught me sneaking her in one night and he got all pissed. And then a different night we were smoking a joint and he came in and thought it was a cigarette and didn't get mad, but then figured it out and went off on us. He left for a second and somehow we started to do it again and Ted walked in. It was terrible. I think she's so scared now that she doesn't want to talk to me. And schools out so everyone is going to know that I flunked three classes, and I'm scared I'll get stuck here because I don't have the grades or money to get into college," he finished in one breath. I sat there, frozen by everything that went on in his head.

"Did you start to smoke again, or have sex?"

"Oh my God, don't call it that! And it was smoke, so he thinks I'm…"

"Just like me. But Alex, you're fourteen and already having se- fun? Damn, you're going to be a diseased one."

"Shut up," he replied finally laughing. He handed me the joint and I took it slowly.

"You shouldn't worry so much," I said after a moment.

"Why?"

"Cause I'm always going to be here to do worse things, and you'll get off easy. I'll make sure of it," he smiled peacefully and we finished the joint both concerned with our own thoughts.

--

--

--

I moved my head back slightly, a huge grin in place.

"Oh, come on I just got there," he sighed happily. I pressed my lips back onto his and felt him smile during the kiss. I was flat on his bed with him lying lightly on top of me. His hands cradled my head softly while my legs were wrapped around him. He broke away and looked down at me. I waited a minute and he said nothing but smiled his notorious smile.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm gonna go shower, would you care to join?" he whispered huskily.

"Better luck next time. I'll take a nap while you do that."

"Fine," he replied and left the bed to the bathroom. I stayed in the exact same position staring up at the ceiling. In the distance I heard the water start to run. I turned over and breathed in deeply. The smell of sandalwood and smoke filled my nostrils. It was the most beautiful scent I had ever known. I had just been with him less than a minute ago, but I wanted him with me again.

I leaped off the bed and crept to the bathroom door, which he had carelessly left open. The sound off water running was louder and masked my footsteps. I looked at my reflection in the fogged up mirror and shuffled my hair a little. I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do, but I didn't care. I turned to the shower curtain and punched it, not hard, but with enough force to make an impact. His head popped out from around the corner and grinned devilishly at me.

"Did you change your mind?"

"Maybe," I said.

"Well, come in."

"No, that's not why I'm here," I reached for the handle of the toilet and pushed down.

"Kimber!" he yelled. His head disappeared and then the entire shower curtain was ripped open. Before I had time to register anything he had the showerhead in his hands pointed directly at me. The water was scalding hot when it touched my skin.

"Fuck!" I screamed. The floor beneath me was covered with water and slippery. I fell to the ground. Jay stepped out of the shower still spraying me with water. I then heard him fall and felt his entire weight land on top of me.

"Ugh," I sighed, but then opened my eyes. His blond hair looked darker and was pasted to the side of his face. He looked straight into my dark eyes with his light topaz ones and kissed me, the showerhead flailing around us, sprinkling us with water.

"Here," he tossed me a shirt which hit me straight in the face. "And… here," he repeated the same motion, but this time with a pair of boxers.

"Thanks man," I replied. His back was still turned toward the dresser, looking for something for him to wear. I stripped off my wet jeans and underwear. I slid on the boxers quickly and checked to make sure he was still facing the other way. I then took off my shirt and bra, which had suctioned to my skin. But I was slower in putting on his shirt. I shook my shaggy hair in front and looked up to see him watching me. I smiled and put his dark shirt slowly over my head. Once over, I flipped my hair again. I jumped into the bed pulling the covers up to my neck.

"Fill a bowl for me," I said, my eyes closed. I heard rustling for a few minutes and then the squeak of the bedsprings. My eyes fluttered open and grabbed the lighter and pipe from him.

"Thanks." I flicked the lighter on and sucked deeply, holding in my hit and passing it to Jay. "Have you seen Tony or Stacy around today?"

He blew out a cloud of smoke. "Yeah, they were at the pool. Where were you?"

"I slept in and talked with Alex for a while."

"How's he?" I chose not to answer.

"You know what?" he inclined his head slightly to show he was listening, though he was taking another hit. "Isn't Seven a cool name, man?"

"Seven?"

"Yeah! Totally bitchin' man."

"What kid would want to be called Seven? He'd get hell from all the others."

"But you should name the seventh kid Seven, then it would be so gnarly."

"Since when do you even like kids?"

"I hate them."  
"So what's all this about?" I shrugged my shoulders, smirking like an idiot.

"I'm high!" I yelled and began to laugh. He grabbed my face roughly and looked at my eyes.

"Yeah, you're definitely baked," he said after observing my large pupils and red, glassy eyes. He wiped a tear of laughter from my cheek with his thumb.

--

--

--

Waking up in Jay's bed that morning was difficult, mainly because at first, I didn't know where I was, as Jay wasn't in bed with me. I woke, startled, to the sound of someone bustling around in the kitchen. I untangled myself from the sheets and moved groggily into their small kitchen.

"Kimber! You scared me honey," Phalaine laughed.

"Oh, hey," I mumbled nervously.

"Did you sleep here?" she asked jokingly.

"Uh… I… well…" I stuttered.

"Do you need to find Jay? Because he left last night… said something about needing a breath of fresh air."

"What time did he leave?" I wondered, hoping I was not pushing my luck.

"I'm not sure, but his hair was all wet, like he just showered. I doubt that helps though."

"Oh okay, thanks Phalaine," I said, confused.

"Yeah, no problem sweetie."

--

--

--

"Swear you didn't."

"I so did man."

"You couldn't have."

"How do you know?"

"Cause your you!"

"What are you dickheads arguing about?" I said, annoyed. I had just stepped into Zephyr to find Jay and Tony fighting, while Stacy and Sid stood watching, wearing the same exasperated expression. Skip was behind the counter dazing off into the distance as though he couldn't hear the commotion. Jay and Tony didn't even spare me a glance.

"I'm not sure they even remember," Sid told me.

"Skip's thinking of taking us to another competition," Stacy said.

"Where at?"

"No idea."

"Where have you been?" Sid asked, pushing a lock of brown hair behind his ear. "Stace said you weren't at the Pier."

"Here man. Just drifting."

"Aw, well stop cause I've been bored as hell," he said, putting a hand on my shoulder and dragging out the last syllable.

"You know what? Fine!" Tony said, coming over to where Sid, Stacy, and I stood.

"Hey guys," he said breathlessly.

"What was that about?" I said.

"Oh, that? Nothing, nothing," he started but then, a devilish grin came into place. "We were talking about you."

"No you weren't, idiot. I'm not stupid."

"I know that," he replied, snaking his arms around my waist and touching his forehead to mine. His soft curls caressed my face and covered his next words.

"I've missed you."

"I haven't gone anywhere asshole."

"I haven't seen you in your wetsuit in a while."

I laughed coyly.

"Yeah, that's true. Why don't you come over and I can model it for you?" Tony remained unfazed.

"I wouldn't mind," he said, moving closer until they lightly brushed mine. He began to play with my mouth when I realized he was actually kissing me. I sprung backwards wiping my mouth through laughs.

"Holy shit! I never thought you would have the nerve."

"You underestimate me," he said pushing me even farther from him.

Stacy and Sid were smiling as Tony glanced at Jay who had a forced smile in place. It wasn't until then I remembered Jay and I were together. I was used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted, and with whoever the hell came my way. Obviously Jay had the same mindset as he had left last night.

"You wanna see this new board Skip has in back?" he asked looking at me.

"Yeah man, I know where it is," Sid said.

"Not you," Jay replied while pushing him aside and nodding to me when he was walking to the back room.

"Whatever," I sighed. I pushed the sheet in the doorway aside, ending up in the back room where Jay was standing.

"Where is it?" I wondered. He looked at me, and he didn't look happy.

"What the hell?" he whispered angrily, moving quickly over to me.

"Huh?"

"You just kissed Tony!"

I laughed. "Oh yeah, 'cause you know, me and Tony are in love," I said quietly.

"Shut up."

"Stop making a big deal out of it."

"Stop shoving your face in other guys faces."

"Fine," I growled and roughly pushed my own lips onto his. He began kissing me with force and I returned it, wanting to be the one in control. I broke off, and looked at him, and in his sparkling topaz eyes, I knew I was forgiven. It was then I heard the shuffle of the curtain. My head snapped in the direction and I saw a sliver of Tony's triumphant face grinning at us.

--

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--

SHORTEST CHAPTER EVER! And it took me the longest. I'm so sorry! I just couldn't finish it to save my life. Also, my computer was being stupid and wouldn't let me upload. Please don't stop reading! I'm going to try and update every week and a half from now on, as long as I get comments.

I know, I'm a bitch.

-lette.


	8. a night behind bars

I don't own lords of dogtown or the people. It's a true story, nobody owns them.

Also, if you believe I wrote that piece of art by Bob Dylan, you have overestimated my artistic ability by lightyears.

--

--

--

Through the slight split in the curtain I saw Tony laughing and turning around.

"Hey guys-"

He was cut off immediately; my fist rammed hard into his side. A groan escaped his lips as I dragged him inside.

"God, you are such a bitch," he sighed.

"Tony, you may have just seen something, but you don't know for sure-"

"He knows what he saw." Jay said.

"No he fucking doesn't."

"He does Kimber."

"Do you two even know I'm still standing here?" We both looked around. I honestly had forgotten how close we all were to each other.

"Right," I said slowly, trying to figure out how to manipulate myself out of here. It was one of my only talents, and I planned to put it to good use. Before I had any time to think, Stacy and Sid walked through the curtain, obviously having heard the noise.

"Dude, why are you back here?" Sid asked to no one in particular.

Tony gave me one reassuring side glance, and said quickly,

"Oh, I just caught these two getting it on," he laughed maliciously and caught my hand which had sprung out, aiming for his tanned face. "No, no, no, chica. I only said that because of your first hit."

"Fuck you," I groaned, wrenching my wrist free.

"This is… unnatural," Stacy said, watching for either me or Jay to yell "We're just fucking with you!" No one did.

"I knew it!" Sid screamed pointing at us and laughing hard. Jay grinned slyly.

"So are you two together? Like no one else? Or is it another one of you two's infamous flings?" Sid choked out through his laughing brigade. I placed my hands on my hips. It wasn't on purpose, but it was the position I assumed when I was uncomfortable. It hadn't happened since I was about 10, and I wiped out on my board so hard one could see my bone poking out of my knee. I started crying, and whenever the guys brought it up, my hands shot to my hips.

"No we are not together," Jay said firmly.

"You guys just don't get it," I answered.

They looked back and forth between each other until Tony finally called our bluff.

"Liars," he sneered.

--

--

--

The pavement was moving fast under me. I could hear the hard noise of the wheels against the cold pavement. It was as though both were denying contact, and my weight was the only thing keeping them together. I pushed harder, sprung myself up, and leapt over a surfboard lying on top of two trashcans, while letting my board slide underneath. I jumped back on at perfect time and continued off. I was going to see my dealer, Jah, and Jay was going to meet me there.

As I neared the street corner I slowed and popped up my board. It was important Jay and I buy the weed at the same time, because alone we didn't have near enough money. We were planning on two ounces and the price was at about 160. I leant against the wall and waited for him patiently. As I stared blankly, I realized I was unconsciously watching a mother and child. It was odd for children to be seen in dogtown. I began to observe their motions intently.

The mother was shorter than me, and I wasn't very tall. She had lost all of the weight gained over pregnancy and had stunning jet black hair. There was nothing at all unique about the child, except for how loud it was screaming. It was such an annoyingly high sound and I immediately resented the child, and the mother for getting knocked up. They began walking down the sidewalk towards the intersection I was leaning by. Then a thought ran through my head.

I could jump this unsuspecting mother. She was so focused on her child, that when I hopped out at them, it would be no battle at all. And more money equals more weed, and during this season, Jah's bud was amazing. It was too easy. My palms tingled with excitement.

But suddenly, the small face of the child turned directly to face my own and the shrieking was cut immediately. It's eyes scared me, penetrated me, and gave me chills. They were the brightest, most shocking blue eyes I had ever seen, with the exception of Alex's eyes. I forgot I was staring at the young boy (for I now realized what it's gender was) and saw Alex watching me out of those blue eyes. What would he say if he found out his step-sister mugged a struggling single mother and her unsuspecting son?

As they walked by me, my gaze didn't falter. The woman noticed and kept a safe distance with her eyes down. The boy stopped and stared back. His mother pulled on his hand sharply and led him down the corner. I couldn't say I blamed her: a girl hanging around this street at this time in the night? I might as well have screamed I was a prostitiute.

But something in the boy's eyes gave me a foreboding sense about tonight. Something was going to go terribly wrong.

Before I could dwell on the matter, I heard the sound of wheels approaching and felt a muscular arm grab me around the waist. His warm breath tickled my ear as he growled, "Let's do this, babe." He kissed me lightly on my neck and all of my thoughts about the boy flew from my mind.

"I'm ready," I turned into him and gave him a light, passionate kiss. He licked his lips, took my hand, and we turned down the alleyway after the intersection. The darkness engulfed us, but we could make out two big figures at the end of the alley. They began walking to meet us in the middle.

"Kimbre! Babah, ho'd you'd behnd doin? An' Ayboy ere's thoo!" Jah said to us through his thick Jamaican accent. It was almost impossible to understand, unless you knew him well. He embraced both of us, as the other huge man he had with us watched like a hawk.

"Kimbre, sweehar, you'd eben mo gogeous tan I member! Le ma 'ave a look atchya," he said spinning me around. I cooperated.

"Jah, dude, it's great to see you. How have you been?" I asked.

"Yah know. Sthill 'live."

"Hey man, I don't mean to rush this or anything, because I love catching up, but we have to be going…" Jay sighed, doing quite a good impression of someone who willed to stay in the alley. I saw the nameless man give Jah a quick glance, or was it just a trick of the light?

"'Righ, 'righ… I gotcha. Ho' much'd yah neehd?" he questioned in a business-like manner.

"Two ounces," Jay replied, using the same tone.

"Goohd, goohd…" He said, and then turned to the man besides him, and began speaking in Spanish. I rifled through my pockets finding 2 fives, 6 tens, and 4 twenties, all crumpled, and all stolen. When I looked back up, Jah had the two bags of pot.

"Ohne huhndrehd and sixtdy 'ollars." I passed Jay my cash and he passed it to the man next to Jah. The man counted in silence. He looked up and gave a slight nod to Jah, who then passed the bags to me.

"Thatd's sohme ocean breedze. It's strohng shitd, soh be'd 'areful."

"Thanks Jah." Jay and I said in unison and turning around to walk off. But no sooner had I turned away when I heard,

"Jah! What the hell? Yo promised me! That why I'm even 'ere tonight!" It was a worried whisper, but I caught every word of it. Judging by the way Jay looked at me, he did too.

"Yah kihds, git back 'ere." My back stiffened as I came to a stop. I slowly faced them again.

"Loohk, I'd 'orry abou this. Kimbre, I druly amhd. Buh, see, I saihd if Tohby 'ere liked what 'e saw, 'e'd reap benehfits thoo." I was speechless. Jay took a step forward and said in his lowest and quietest voice, which was the most menacing,

"I can't let that happen, Jah. You're a good friend, but man, you can't whore my girl out."

"Little mother-fucker, I don't think you know what the hell you're dealin' with," it wasn't Jah speaking, but Toby. Jay took a step back, and towards me. His arm snaked its way around my waist, and pulled me closer.

"Fine," he said out loud, and then whispered into my ear, "Kimber, run. Run as soon as I let go."

I tilted my head slightly and said equally quietly, "You better come at the same time, or I won't." I felt his muscles contract in anger at me. Toby took a step forward and Jay's grip loosened. I spun around and sprinted out the alley with Jay at my heels. We were taking our last strides out of the alley, knowing Jah and Toby hadn't followed when I heard it.

There was a loud gunshot. I threw my hands over my head and kept going. Then there was another. I felt Jay take me from behind and swoop me into his arms. The third shot went off as he carried me out of the alley. He roughly put me back on the ground not braking pace. I sped up and came level with him. Then I heard something that frightened me even more. A police siren was ringing in my ears. It was then I remembered I was holding two ounces of weed in my hands. I couldn't drop them; not after all we had been through just to score. We turned another corner, then another, and then crossed a street when the red and blue shone in our eyes. There was a house just beyond this fence. If we could jump it, we might be able to hide the drugs, and just explain we were involved in a shooting.

I took a leap and came up halfway, then another step to jump over. I had cleared it with Jay directly behind. That was when the spotlight hit.

"Stop! Put your hands above your heads! Now!" the booming voice of the officer echoed, and I knew we were not going to be let off easy.

I sifted the bags off weed down through my sweatshirt sleeves, as I placed my hands on my head. I felt them fall into the crook of my back. My clothes were big enough to where I could shake in the slightest and the bags would fall out. I knew they would notice if something fell out of my shirt. And this hiding spot would be no good in a search. We were screwed.

--

--

--

The bright flash went off in my face. It stung my eyes, and I could only see purple for a second while I heard the officer go, "Oh come on. No smile for mommy?"

I wanted to tell him to fuck off. I wanted to hit him hard in the face. I wanted to run and get my weed back. But I controlled it and satisfied myself with giving him the finger.

The next guard was waiting to receive me and made me walk in front of him. He handed me a dime, and said "One call, honey," in a bored voice.

I looked at the cold, little, coin. I flipped in my hand, once, twice, three times. Who in the hell do I call?

I could try home, but what if no one answered? Or worse, Ted?

There was Stacy, but he wouldn't have the money to bail me out.

Tony was probably at a party.

Skip wouldn't tear himself away if he was drunk.

Sid came from the rich part of town. That was it, Sid!

I slid the dime in the slot and dialed. I pulled the black phone to my ear, praying that he would pick up.

One ring… two ring… three ring… four-

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered.

"Sid!" I practically yelled.

"No, no. Is this another one of his goddamned hooligan friends? 'Cause if it is, we're sleeping!" the man replied.

"No, sir. Actually, it's a friend from school. I was just calling to tell Sid I got my acceptance letter! May I talk to him?" I said in a falsely cheery voice.

"Oh… well fine… I guess. Hold on," I waited. And waited. Then I heard Sid's voice pick up from another phone,

"What do you want?" I also heard the click signaling his father hanging up.

"Sid! It's Kimber."

"What's wrong?"

"I got arrested for holding. Can you please come bail me out? Please?" I begged. There was silence from the other end.

"I'll get my dad's checkbook."

"I love you. I'll do anything to pay you back. Oh and tell your dad your coming out to celebrate that I got accepted into some high-class college."

"Fine. I'll see you in jail," And with that he hung up. I set the phone back, and the guard led me over to the cell where they held criminals for the night until they had a cell opening. He unlocked the door with the bars and pushed me inside.

Jay looked up immediately and patted his lap. I pulled the hood over my shoulder, not wanting to be noticed and sat leaning on Jay.

"I'm sorry," I sighed.

"Me too."

"Did Phalaine answer?"

"Yeah, she's coming. Who did you call?"

"Sid."

"Smart girl."

"Yeah."

There was silence as we speculated the dull, gray room, with our fellow law-breakers. There was a guy who looked no older than us, who was shaking uncontrollably and terribly underweight. There was a big muscular guy, sleeping against the wall. There were some girls dressed in revealing clothes, and covered in makeup to make them look appealing. And then there were five boys, who looked scared out of their wits to be here.

I looked into Jay's topaz eyes and felt like I was drowning in them. There are some experiences that you can't help but become extremely close to the person who is with you during the moment. This was one of those times.

"Kimber, I'm sorry about what happened with that jackass Toby. I knew what he was thinking, you could tell by his face. And as soon as I figured it out, I couldn't think straight-"

"Neither could I."

"And I got you thrown into jail. I can't believe it, I'm so sorry," he grunted out.

"Dude, shut the fuck up, okay? Were fine. I always knew I'd have a criminal record, but I thought it'd be for something cooler… like stealing a car, or something." He grinned.

"You really are my girlfriend," he said this very quietly, but I caught it.

"What, are you surprised?"

"A little. But sleep, 'cause they won't be here for a while."

The look from the young blue eyed boy had been right that the night was a disaster, but he obviously didn't know that what Jay had just said made it all okay.

--

--

--

I woke up, stiff and uncomfortable.

"Kimber, Kimber," Jay's voice chimed into my head.

"Hmm?" was my intelligent answer.

"Sid's here. Get up. He paid, and you gotta get home."

"Fine," I said, pushing myself up. I took three steps when I realized Jay wasn't walking with me. I looked back. "Aren't you coming?"

"Phalaine's not here yet. Don't worry. I'll see you later," and he strode toward me to lightly plant a kiss on my forehead.

"Okay. Make sure you get out," I then turned to walk out of the cell and into Sid's embrace.

"Kimber! Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine, let's just go," I replied.

We walked out of the prison without a word. I was paranoid the guards would look for any reason to throw me back in.

As soon as the doors opened I flung my arms out and breathed a sigh of relief. I spun on my heel to Sid and gave him a hug, practically yelling into his ear,

"Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You don't understand, I love you. Anything you want, anything at all."

He broke apart and looked me in the eye. "Anything?" he asked raising his eyebrows. I hit him lightly on the shoulder.

"You know what I mean."

We opened the doors to the car, and when he switched on the engine I heard a familiar rhythm.

_How many roads must a man walk down_

_Before you call him a man?_

_Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail_

_Before she sleeps in the sand?_

_Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly_

_Before they're forever banned?_

_The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,_

_The answer is blowin' in the wind._

"Oh, I haven't listened to this is forever," I said leaning my head against the seat. It was still dark outside, and the stars were shining as brightly. I closed my eyes.

_How many years can a mountain exist_

_Before it's washed to the sea?_

_Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist _

_Before they're allowed to be free? _

_Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head, _

_Pretending he just doesn't see? _

_The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, _

_The answer is blowin' in the wind._

Bob Dylan's voice and the vibrations of the car were soothing my anxious nerves.

_How many times must a man look up _

_Before he can see the sky? _

_Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have _

_Before he can hear people cry? _

_Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows _

_That too many people have died? _

_The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, _

_The answer is blowin' in the wind._

The song ended, but before I heard the last note, my body had drifted off into a deep sleep.

--

--

--

"Kimber! Wake up, come on, wake up right now!"

"Shut up," I grumbled.

"No! Sid said he got you from jail, is that true?"

"Yes, now leave," I moaned.

"What the hell did you do?" this voice was not the one that had been previously speaking. It scared me terribly and I decided to open my eyes. Everything was blurred at first and it was as though my eyelids were flipped inside out. I rubbed them viciously before the two people came into focus.

"So, what'd you do?" Nicole said. She looked infuriated.

"Shut up. Give her time," Alex snapped at Nicole.

"I got arrested for holding," I slurred, closing my eyes once again.

"You idiot!"

I could practically see Alex casting her a furious look.

"We didn't tell Ted or Kendall."

"Thank you… Wait… What time is it?"

"About one."

"Shit."

"Oh and get what else that kid who dropped you off said?"

"What did he say?" I asked, not really caring.

"He told me that it was you and Jay who got arrested! Together!"

"Yeah. So?" I kept my eyes closed as hard as I could.

"You two are together! He's disgusting Kimber!" At this I lost all control of my eyelids. I flung upward. My quick movements startled her.

"He is not more disgusting than the guy you're seeing. In fact, Jay's not disgusting, okay? So chill the fuck out."

"He came to see you. While you were asleep," she just wouldn't let this drop. I shrugged my shoulders, but my stomach did this weird, unknown flip I had never felt before.

"Don't you find that weird? While you were sleeping?"

"Seriously, get out."

To my utter surprise, she left.

"She's jealous."

"Of what?"

"Jay came to see you. He waited around here for an hour, just seeing if you were okay. He even stayed in your room for a while, making sure you weren't dead or something. None of the guys she's been with have done that. And you and Jay haven't even been together that long."

"You think too much, she's just a bitch."

He smiled at me and said,

"You're right. I am gonna get off easy."

"I would never lie to you."

--

--

--

What did you think?

Review!

No more unless you review!

-lette.


	9. broken noses and virgins

Nothing is mine… you know the drill.

But, this is when things start to happen.

Hopefully you haven't given up on me.

Also, the beginning of this chapter starts out like a person looking back on a few memories. Just heads up.

--

--

--

It didn't take long for most of dogtown to know Jay and I were together. This was mainly due to the fact of the news of us spending a night in jail. Most of our type would have saved our own skin, instead of sticking with whomever you were caught with. We had both bailed on many people, so it was a sign of true 'loyalty' as some put it for us to hang in there. But I knew better. We had only done it because it was our obligation; some unspoken agreement we had both come to over the many years we had spent together. It was the bond we shared from the abandonment of our fathers, the reckless drinking and drugs, and above all else, surfing and skating.

Slowly, we reached our one-month mark of being together. It came to me as a blur of happiness and peace. Whenever I was angry, or depressed, he was there. He never said the right things, but they were always real. He didn't lie to me, and I grew very trustworthy of our relationship. I had never had that with another person. It scared me. I feared the commitment or risk of getting serious. And I had the feeling he did too.

There was one conversation that remained imprinted in my mind.

It was almost a month after the run in with the law. I had stumbled into my house, wet and sore from an early surf session, only to find my mother and Ted sitting at the round table. They were speaking in hushed voices, even though my siblings didn't spare them a glance. Neither of them looked up when I entered.

I walked by them, pretending to get a drink of water, trying to pick up on what they were discussing.

"Kendall… that's all we have left. We can't do it."

"What are we supposed to do then? The only food we have is cereal, and that sure as hell won't feed seven kids!"

"Then we lose the house!"

"Or the kids starve!"

"Look… look… we just need some time. Okay? Believe me, I'll cover it."

"I don't think… but you know? Ill just look for work, I'm sure to find something…"

"What? You don't think I can do it? Huh?"

"No! I don't think you can do it on your own!"

"You-" he began to hiss back, but he noticed me, and I quickly averted my eyes. "Her… She could work… needs to start…"

"Yes, certainly…" she whispered without looking at me. Her brain appeared to be working faster, and her eyes were screwed up in concentration. "What I don't understand is how we lost so much, so quickly. Not that we ever had much, but…" She gazed upon Ted intently. He seemed not to be paying attention. But I realized what she was trying to say: she thought Ted was using it on drugs, prostitutes, or alcohol. Ted was watching me, and saw none of this.

I took this as my cue to exit and strode to my room quickly. I stripped off my large jeans and substituted them for some cutoff jeans. Just the thought of working repulsed me. My laziness was a weakness for me. I sat on my bed and decided I would stay until I wanted to go to the pool with the team. Hell, I might not even go today. A nap would be nice, maybe a party, and then some more sleep. As soon as I had come to the conclusion that this schedule was perfect, my doorknob turned. A skinny, shaggy-haired, topaz-eyed boy walked in, grinning at me.

"Let's go to the pool. We found a great one in this rich-ass neighborhood," he informed me, as he sat on the bed with me. I looked at him with a half-smile. I wasn't much in the mood. He did not seem to pick up on this. "But first…" he said quietly and he leaned in to kiss me. It was an innocent kiss, perhaps too innocent, for he broke away, looking at me confusedly.

"What's wrong?" he groaned.

"Nothing," I lied.

"Ted? Kendall? Me?" he questioned.

"Yes," I moaned, flipping myself into a fetal position, facing away from him. "We're broke, and I either get a shitty job, or leave."

"Fuck that. Sometimes you are such a pussy, you know that?" he was obviously trying to aggravate me.

"Shut up."

"You. Now come on, or am I going to have to fucking carry you?" Then, a thought coursed through my mind.

"Jay," I purred, turning slowly and sitting back up on my knees with my legs spread. I pushed on his chest and he fell into the pillow of my bed. I crawled swiftly on top of him and began to kiss him passionately and roughly. He returned the intensity and allowed me to take off his shirt. He removed mine slowly, while still caressing my neck. My aggressive side took over after that. My hands found the path toward the button on his jeans. He looked surprised at me, but I didn't stop.

"Wait… what are you doing?" he said breathlessly. I ceased fumbling with his jeans.

"Isn't it obvious?" I laughed.

"What, that were going to fuck, and then you're gonna leave me for some other guy?" he asked angrily. I stared down into his face.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered.

"Look, I wasn't planning on getting with you, just so you could use me. So tell me now if that's what you're planning on," he said this with a firm and monotone voice, but I saw the flecks of complete devastation in his eyes.

"Well, if it makes you feel that uncomfortable…"

"I don't like the idea of other guys on top of you!" he growled throwing me off him and into the spot he had previously occupied on the bed. At the same time he flew onto his feet and walked to the wall in my room, not facing me. I propped myself up on one arm, and started to smirk. Slowly, my smirk turned into a quiet laugh. He turned around, flabbergasted.

"What's so funny?"

"Jay, look, I haven't been with as many guys as you think."

"Really? 'Cause I've had at least twenty guys come up to me saying that they've all been with you."

"They're liars."

"Oh, so it's only five?"

I paused, and admitted, "Jay, I haven't ever been with a guy. Well, slept with one at least."

He looked at me blankly. "What?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Shocking," He finally laughed and joined me on the bed. Our lips met for a while, until I tore myself away.

"Let's get to the pool. I've got to show Tony that I can totally get higher than him, over the light at least."

We put on our shirts, and ran out hand in hand. We raced there on our boards in the sun, him reassured by our conversation, and me realizing that I was not the only fearful one out of us two.

--

--

--

Jay led me to a perfectly pale blue empty pool. My immediate reaction was how many people were there: Sid, Stacy, Tony, Red Dog, Biniak, Blanca, Kathy, Peggy, and so many more. Many were spectators and photographing the team skating. My excitement went up a level. Our notoriety seemed to have sufficiently increased.

Half an hour later found me climbing out of the pool to sit with Peggy. We didn't talk but watched. Then, there was a ripple throughout the crowd of people. All heads seemed to turn. At first, I didn't understand why, nor did I care. But then Peggy nudged me and pointed. A tall, beautiful, long-haired brunette had glided in with her entourage. She was wearing sunglasses, purple shorts, and had her yellow shirt tied in a knot. They made their way to the end of the pool, and sat as gracefully as possible.

"I'm gonna embarrass these guys," Peggy grinned.

She jumped into the chaotic pool, pushing and shoving with them. It amused me at first to see Tony skate right up to the gorgeous girl, but the next to go was Jay. It was undeniable; he had tried to impress this new girl. Jealousy reared inside of me, and before I could register what my feet were doing, I was back in the pool. Jay had not finished his run yet, but I got in position for me to begin.

"Yo, Kimber, what the fuck are you doing?" I heard Tony ask. But he was too late; I had kicked off. I gained speed quickly and headed directly where Jay would be coming down from the curve of the pool. He turned at the top, and saw me, but it was inevitable with the speed at which we were both going. There was a loud smack, and I slid backwards, my turquoise board rolling to meet me. I sprang up and found that my hands were extremely bloody. I wiped them on my cutoffs, leaving smears of red on each side, and walked back to the stairs of the pool. Jay had moved from the ground, and was looking daggers at me. I smiled at him. This pushed him over the edge, and he practically ran up to me.

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you. What the hell were you thinking?"

"What the hell were YOU thinking?"

"Look, all I know, is that you can not pull shit like that with me around? Okay you man whore?"

"You can be such a bitch! You know that right? So what-"

But a sudden outcry interrupted our argument.

"Pigs! Pigs!" a young voice screeched. There was a roaring sound of jumping and hurried footsteps. Jay grabbed me and pulled. We all ran to the fence. But to my utter horror, there were ferocious dogs on the other side. Now my hands started to tingle, and stomach flipped. I darted the other direction, which was straight into the cop.

"Freeze! Stop right there!"

"Try and catch me bitch!" Jay screamed as he leaped onto the hood of the cop car and ran over it. There was such an outpour of kids that the cop could not decide who to follow. I saw Stacy run to the left, and pursued after the long blonde hair, which was blinding in the sunlight. Stace opened his car door in a hurry. I hurtled into the passenger seat and yelled, "Come on Stace! Start it!"

The engine roared to life and he floured it. The car jolted forward and we sped down the street.

"Hey, hey, take a left," I said, making sure we were not being followed. We kept winding down different roads, until we reached familiar territory. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank god," he said.

"Yeah, I know."

"God, it's like I haven't talked to you, you know, alone, in forever."

"Kathy hates me. So, I don't think she'd like it much," he chuckled.

"She doesn't hate you, she's just a little…" he paused searching for the right word.

"Bitchy?"

"I was going to say uptight… but whatever. You just have to get to know her."

"I don't really want to. Besides, she's keeping you all to herself! That's why we haven't spoken in a while."

"Jay's doing that to you," he smiled.

"Shut up."

"So, you guys are pretty serious, huh?"

"Nah, well, sorta, I don't know."

"Uh-huh," he said with a skeptical glance. "Because if you two break up… or go up in flames…"

"What are you trying to say? Just spit it out."

"It's gonna make it weird, okay?" he said quickly.

"Fuck man, it won't. It'll just be weird for you and Tony."

"Exactly."

I groaned. "I don't care. All I know is I have to try and get a job, keep up with the team, and my hands won't stop bleeding. You and Tony didn't make the list."

"Oh, well, sorry," he said sarcastically.

"Look just take me to my place, okay?"

"Fine. You going to the party at Red Dogs tonight? Huge party, and he scored three kegs."

"Fuck yeah."

We drove speaking casually until we arrived at my small house.

"Come on," I told him.

We walked in the hot sun up the cement stairs and through my front door. I threw my board down on the steps; it landed with a dull clunk. Immediately, Ted walked up to me.

"Kimber, Kendall and I need to talk to you," Stacy looked at me apprehensively.

"Guys, go outside," my mother said to some of my siblings on the couch.

"But mom, its so hot-"

"Didn't you hear her? Outside!" Ted yelled. They all scurried out the backdoor, but turned to watch through the screen of our one window.

"I would leave if I were you, and maybe get a haircut," Ted snapped to Stacy, who had done nothing but stand there.

"No, he stays. You can't tell him that, you don't have any control over him," I growled.

"It's my house," he glared.

"Not for much longer."

"You are such an ungrateful bitch!"

"Ted! You better not talk to my daughter like that!" my mom interrupted.

There was silence.

"Look mom, it's fine. I'll leave."

"To hell you will."

"What's that mean?"

"You're staying. And working."

"No I'm not."

"If you want to live here you will."

"You're in luck. I'm out," I said while jogging away into my room, Ted in pursuit. I attempted to slam my door, but he caught it with one hand. I gave up and went to the corner where I left my duffel bag. I threw it onto my bed.

"You aren't going anywhere," he whispered. I pretended as though he was not speaking and bent over, scooping up all of the clothes on my ground. I was in the process of viciously shoving them into my duffel, when Ted grabbed my arm and swung me around. My clothes flew up into the air and fluttered down to the floor once again.

"I don't give a damn if you leave. Hell, it would make this easier. But you aren't taking your shit," he growled looking me in the eye. My mother darted into my room at that moment, and Ted let go of my arm roughly.

"Why? So you can pawn it? Your such a douche-bag," I said quietly with a nervous laugh. Then many things happened at once, his fist jabbed and hit me directly in the nose and I heard a crack; immediately I felt warm blood tricking out of my nostrils. The force of his punch threw me to the floor as my mouth filled with the blood from my nose. I looked up at him, my eyes welling up with water from the sting of the punch. Ted was shouting viciously at my mother, who was shrieking back at him. Stacy scurried over to my side, but I could only see his mouth moving; his words could not be heard over the screaming match in my doorway. Behind my parents were some of my younger siblings, tears falling down their cheeks. I looked at Stacy and he appeared blurry. I stuttered out,

"Stace, grab some shit and run. I'll meet you in the car," more blood seeped through my lips as I spoke, filling my mouth with its salty and appalling taste.

He looked as though he would rather not, but obeyed me. I stood slowly and swaggered on the spot; my parents took no notice of Stacy as he darted out of my doorway, carrying my duffel, freshly loaded with anything he found. I grabbed my surfboard fiercely and made to leave the room.

"Kimberly, stop," my mother said firmly. I looked at her, her stunning brown eyes and beautiful light brown hair, the woman who had always been my support and given me love, and in that moment in time, I hated every ounce of her. If my face had not been drenched in blood, the dirtiest look I could have mustered would have been engraved upon it.

"No, no, you let him do this to me," my voice was quiet, and yet everyone else's halted to listen. "What the fuck were you thinking?" it grew stronger, and before I knew it, I was yelling. "Your husband, your fucking asshole of a husband, hit me and you did nothing! God, I have been waiting so long to leave, and you know what? I'm out, you bitch! Now I get why Nick ran out!" I knew I had touched a nerve bringing Nick up. Her eyes filled with tears and her voice shook.

"I'm so sorry honey-"

"Don't be sorry Kendall," Ted cut her off. "She deserves it. Leave. Now," I walked through the gap between them, not daring to make eye contact with my mother. I hauled my board through my siblings until I reached the front door. But the one person I was hoping not to see was waiting for me there.

"Where are you going?" he asked, eyes full of sympathy.

"Get out of the way, Alex," I growled.

"No, I won't. Don't you remember telling me I'd always get off easy 'cause you'd be here? You can't fucking leave me, Kimber!" A knot formed in my throat and I had to clench my jaw shut to keep myself from breaking down. I could feel a tingling sting in my eyes, which were again filling with water.

"Please," he pleaded, sounding weak.

It took all my strength to utter, "Move," I vaguely saw him sidestep so that I could push the door open. As I flung myself against the door sunlight flooded in, and I looked sideways, chancing a glance at Alex. What I saw etched upon his face haunted me the rest of my life. He looked abandoned, forlorn, betrayed. There was sadness in his eyes, as though he was losing something vital to him. I realized I was letting him down, tearing away his stronghold and leaving him on his own. I could not bear it anymore; I whipped my head forward and grabbed my skateboard that was lying on the cement steps. With both boards in hand I rushed to Stacy's car and loaded them.

I opened the front door of his car, and sprung in, glancing back one more time. Alex was standing in the doorway, with my mother sobbing at his side. The sight wrenched at something deep inside of me, and I turned away saying,

"Get me the hell out of here."

The second he stepped on the pedal, I went to pieces. Hot tears gushed freely, intermingling with the blood still dripping from my nose. I had thought the look on Alex's face appeared as though he was losing something, but I was pathetic. I would never be vital to anyone, and it was ludicrous to think so. I felt my whole body shaking uncontrollably, and wished for nothing more than it to stop. The whole ordeal was incredibly embarrassing. But when I squinted up at Stacy, he was driving calmly. This made me cry harder, concluding I had just ruined his day.

The drive continued in silence, besides my sobs. The sunlight seemed to be mocking me; my nose now felt bruised and sore. I desired to only feel this pain, and to rid myself of whatever was occurring inside of me.

--

--

--

I had long since ceased my sobbing and closed my eyes when the car screeched to a halt.

"Kimber, come on, you need to wash up," Stacy's soothing voice said quietly.

I heard the shuffle of his clothes against the vinyl seat as he grabbed my bag from the back. I opened my eyes groggily and they stung from loss of wetness. The sunlight burned into my corneas and retinas. It was as though someone else had taken over my body and commanded it to go through the motions of departing from the car and walking up to Stacy's front door. He swung it open before me and strode in; I followed his gleaming hair.

"Dad?" he yelled. I heard a quieter shout from somewhere beyond the walls of his house. It was a one-story house with a lived-in look. But at the moment I couldn't appreciate it. Stacy closed the door behind me, because I appeared to be unable to do anything on my own, and beckoned me to follow him.

"Dad?" he said again, as he turned down his hall and into an adjoining room, where his father sat, watching television and sipping on whiskey. His face morphed into a look of shock when he saw me enter.

"My God, what happened to you sweetie?" he asked, concerned. I shrugged, not wanting to open my mouth.

"Look dad, can she hang here a while?"

"Sure, sure, honey, why don't you go clean that up?" I knew he was asking for two reasons: he wanted to ask Stacy what really happened, and to inquire how long I would be staying.

I made my way back into the hall and through the doorway on my left. The sight in the mirror shocked me. The blood had dried and was now caked onto my skin, covering half my nose and all of my jaw, the rest of the blood had fallen into my hair, matting it. The other half of my nose was swollen to twice its normal size and was a dark purple shade. My skin looked deathly white, further enhancing the deep red color of blood. My white shirt had also been drenched down the front. And my cutoffs were still stained from my scraped hands earlier that day. I looked like a victim from Shouldn't Play with Dead Things.

But none of this compared to how frightening my eyes looked. Because of my pale skin, my dark eye appeared darker, drawing out that my eye were two different shades of brown. There was a strangely hollow look accompanying them.

I turned on the faucets, letting the water first fall over the palms of my hands, stinging. I watched as the white sink turned a pale pink color from the dry blood. I continued to wash my face with the bar of soap sitting by the sink, rubbing gently on my nose and the area surrounding it; I cupped water a few times and rinsed out my mouth to rid it of the horrible taste. When I threw my head back up, I saw all of the black and blue upon my nose. I dried myself tenderly with the towel, threw up my bloodstained hair, and decided it wasn't pretty, but the best I could do.

I exited the bathroom, and found Stacy waiting for me outside.

"Jesus, it's fucking huge," he sighed, examining my nose.

"Yeah," I replied, forcing my mouth into a grin. I noticed he was holding my duffel and desired for him to hand it to me, but he appeared wrapped up in gazing at my swelled nose.

"Um, Stace? Can I have my shit? Just to change."

"What? Oh, yeah, and here, you'll be using my room," he gestured to the doorway directly behind us.

"No, man, I'll sleep on the couch. But I will use your room to change quickly," I snatched the bag out of his hands, and slammed myself in his bright yellow room. The walls were covered in surf posters, and a bed was placed directly in the center of his wooden floor. I stripped off my shirt and shirts, digging through the bag. I found my large Zeppelin shirt, and, to my utter joy, baggy black sweatpants. My mood slightly elated that Stacy took these items from my room, I left to join him and his dad in the television room.

"You will be taking my room," Stacy said, without looking up at me when I entered.

"No, I'm not. If anything I'll only be here a couple nights, and then I'll leave."

"And where are you gonna go?" I fell silent. "Exactly."

"You'll stay as long as you need," his father chimed in. "And here, you'll need these,"

He handed me four blue pills and a bottle of water. "They'll knock you out, and you could do with a little sleep anyway." I smiled and thanked him.

Stacy walked me back into his bedroom, watched me swallow the pills, then finish the water, before he spoke.

"You need anything else?"

"No, believe me, ya'll have done so much. Sorry for trashing your day man," I sat gingerly on his bed, not daring to move quickly because of the throbbing in my forehead.

"You didn't do anything to it. I wasn't planning anything," he said, and then went on in a rushed voice, "By the way I called Jay and told him what happened, so get to sleep, and I'll see you later."

"Stacy! What did he say?" I pleaded, suddenly anxious. He glanced at the door, back to me, and repeated the process one more time before sitting beside me.

"You know, the usual, at least for him," he moaned. "He's gonna come check on you later. That's all he said, then he hung up on me," I gazed at his bright blue eyes and was suddenly too drowsy to argue. I accepted this lie as truth, and nodded off right then.

I jolted back awake seconds later in Stacy's arms.

"Yeah you'd better sleep," he laughed. "My dad gave you four, and that's what he gives me, so you probably only needed two."

"What were they?" I slurred. "I need some of that shit on a daily basis."

"Yeah, makes all the pain go away," Stacy said, proceeding to place me underneath his comforter. "But sleep, or your gonna hurt yourself even worse."

He vanished through his doorway and I fell into a deep sleep soon after, my mouth hanging agape.

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Sorry it took me forever! You know how finals are.

Nest chapter will be up soon.

Review!

-lette.


	10. tequila, Parliaments, and Elton John

Chapter 10!

Hopefully, you've stuck with me.

Disclaimer: None is mine. You know that, though. Also, I did not write the song Tiny Dancer, duh.

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"Is she asleep?"

"Yeah, he gave her some painkillers, she should be out for a while…"

"Let me see her."

"I really think you should wait."

"Get your hand off of me."

"Fine, but I'm warning you man…"

"Oh my God…"

"It was worse, so much worse. If you would have seen her before, you would think it's an improvement."

"That asshole, that fucking bastard, how could he do that?"

"Look, dude, lets talk about this outside okay? Wait for her to wake up…"

Halfway between dreams and sleep, their voices penetrated my ears. But I rolled over and fell back into my sleep.

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A violent throbbing in my temples caused me to detangle myself from the comfortable sheets and comforter, and drag myself to the bathroom. I felt my throat begin to clog, and being very experienced with drunkenness and its side effects, knew I was about to hurl my insides out. My knees dropped to the side of the toilet, and vomit fiercely poured from my mouth. My back clenched into a semi-circle every time I heaved. Finally, when only blood would come up, I stood.

My dark hair cascaded down, still deeply matted by blood; the blue streaks appeared to be a deep purple shade that was barely visible. The swelling of my nose had gone down sufficiently, although still black and blue; my skin had returned to its natural olive color. But still, I had the hollow look in my eyes, one I hadn't seen before. It frightened me, and I turned away from the mirror, telling myself I was imagining it.

I exited the bathroom, coming face to face with a concerned looking Stacy.

"How much did you just throw up?"

"A hell of a lot."

"I knew my dad gave you too many. Feel better?"

"I guess."

"Do you need to sleep or something? Are you hungry?"

"Jesus, Stace, I just got hit. No big deal. Relax, okay? But food would be nice."

He led me into the kitchen and bustled around for a second, then presenting me with a huge bowl of cereal. I mumbled a quiet thanks, and began shoving my face with the sweetened breakfast food. He speculated me with a confused expression that lasted all throughout my cereal. Finally, when I finished, I stared back at him.

"What?" I snapped.

"It's nothing," he sighed, picking up the empty bowl and setting it in the sink.

"Stacy, what is it?"

"I just thought… nevermind."

"What?" I asked, more forcefully.

"I just thought, you'd be more angry, or something…" he said quickly and quietly. Then seeing the look on my face, he tried to cover it up. "Not that your violent, or anything like that, you know, just… Oh by the way, Jay stopped by. But then he went back to your place…"

Worry bubbled inside of me, and seemed to spread into every inch of my body and mind. What if Ted hurt him? I couldn't return to that piece of shit that was titled a house.

"I need to take a shower," I stated, striding, once again, into the now very familiar bathroom. I twisted the faucet all the way to the little red H, hoping the scalding water would burn my skin. Waiting for the water to heat, my desire for pot, or something stronger kicked in. I was not in the mood for acid; and I never really liked cocaine. I knew many people who snorted heroin, and had always been extremely curious, but wanted a drug I was accustomed to. If I took a short shower, I could try and sneak out of Stacy's house to score something, anything. With that pleasant thought in mind, I hurriedly entered the boiling shower, relishing every drop that scorched my skin.

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I closed the front door quietly, my feet landing lightly on the sidewalk, as I pulled the hood of a huge black sweatshirt over my damp hair. Despite the suns burning rays, I had donned Stacy's sweatshirt and white tank top, with my bloody cutoffs. The dream of acquiring drugs had vanished when I realized I was broke. So I made my way to the nearest corner store intending to pick up a pack of smokes and maybe some tequila, being my favorite liquor. I pulled the door open, and glided in. Locking eyes with the pudgy man at the counter, I gave him a coy smile, and he attempted to smooth out his balding hair. Of course, the shadow from the hood disguised my bruised nose.

"Need any help, hun?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh, you know, I'm just looking," I replied, in my most mysterious and sexy voice. I then spun and walked down one of the aisles. In the shining freezer doors, I noticed him turn away from me, to straighten his uniform. I hurriedly opened one of the doors, behind which was a wide selection of liquor. I grabbed one of the smaller, rounder bottles of tequila quickly, and shoved it down my shirt. I chanced a glance at the man, who was now inspecting his teeth in a handheld mirror. I moved silently to the shelf with cigarettes and grabbed my favorite brand, Parliaments, which I placed in the pocket of the sweatshirt.

Still, he had his back facing me. When I passed him, I flashed one of my perfected 'come hither' smiles, and was out. I strutted down to corner opposite the little store, and plopped myself down. I whipped out the Parliaments, and threw one in between my lips, only to realize, I had forgotten a lighter.

"Shit…" I murmured quietly. I observed the ground around me, as though hoping for one to fall from the sky.

"Need a light?" My head flew upwards, and my eyes fell upon the gleaming smile of Tony.

"Thank God," I sighed as he sat lightly next to me.

"Can I bum one off you?" he questioned, as he lit my cigarette and I inhaled.

"Sure," I responded, letting out a puff of smoke and handing him the pack. With my free hand I reached down my shirt pulling out the cold, circular bottle. Two Fingers Tequila, and under that there was the word 'Silver' etched upon the dark bottle.

"Sweet," I said aloud. Tony made a face at me as though he believed me to be insane. "No, no," I laughed. "I'm just glad it's not the brown tequila I took; I hate that shit."

He nodded soundlessly, taking a drag from his cigarette. I screwed off the cap, and took a swig of the burning liquid, making a face. I motioned the bottle to him, and he accepted, taking his own shot.

"So, no 'What happened?' or 'Why does your face look like shit?'" I inquired, while he handed me the bottle.

"I already heard, sorry man."

"Yeah…" I trailed off, staring at the street and smoking. Our cycle continued wordlessly, each of us becoming more besotted with each shot, and our throats growing blistered with each cigarette.

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"Ah, chica, I feel bad you were hurt," Tony slurred, laughing. The sky had turned a pale pink color, and the darkness was seen, overtaking the light. We had begun walking, drunkenly, down the street, trying to remember where exactly Red Dog's house was. A girl with shiny, flaming red hair walked past us.

"Hey, hey, Red! Ah, don't be like that Red!" Tony yelled out to the girl, to my amusement. He then locked me with a ferocious gaze. "Does Red Dog have a sister? If he does she can tell us where he lives! And she lives! Where they live, where there's a party!"

"Tony, no… no, I don't think so… when the hell did my shorts get so fucking dirty? I need a cigarette," I reached into my pocket and flicked out one.

"Light me bitch!" I yelled to Tony, who snickered, and flipped on the lighter. I watched the flame for a second before leaning in, and setting my smoke to life.

"Where's the bottle?" I questioned. He shoved it at me. I flung the container upside down, draining the remainders. "Empty!" I shrieked, disappointed.

"Damn you!"

"Hey, watch this man," I giggled, childishly. We had approached a clothing store with glass windows that displayed mannequins wearing bellbottoms and clogs. I dropped my cigarette and hurled the bottle at the window; there was a loud crash as the glass shattered into a million pieces and fell to the cement. In an odd way, I found the sight beautiful, but could not take any more time to absorb it, for the owner was angrily marching to the front of the store. We sprinted down a corner, into a street, through an alley, and ended up in a neighborhood.

"What the fuck Kimber?" Tony breathed, clutching a stitch in his side. I grinned devilishly. Down the line of houses, there was one that stood out. I could hear Jimi Hendrix's song Purple Haze blasting from the home.

"Dude, that has to be it! Come on!"

With every step, the music became louder, and we got closer. As we reached the doorway, Blanca, Tony's possessive girlfriend sprinted towards him. She was speaking in furious, fluent Spanish, so I staggered into the house, leaving Tony behind. It was crowded, hot, and reeked of the smell of pot. I inhaled deeply. I went further into the house, heading into the kitchen for a beer.

There was a keg sitting in the corner of the kitchen, with plastic clear cups beside it. In my haste to get to the keg, I tripped over my own foot and headed straight down. An arm flew out from behind me, seizing my waist and saving me from falling. It pulled me back to my feet, and spun me around.

"Jay!" I said excitedly. "Do you have a lighter?" I asked, forgetting all about my desire for a beer.

"'Course," he smiled. I fumbled in the pocket for a second, and pulled out the second to last cigarette.

"You want the other?" I offered.

"Yeah," I handed him the last one, and threw the box onto the floor. He took the cigarette from me, placed them in his mouth, and lit both. He then proceeded to remove one and deposited it into my mouth.

"Thanks," I said.

"Your nose looks better, are you oka-?"

"Fuck this sweatshirt man!" I cut him off. "Hold this," I transferred the cigarette to his hand, and ripped off the black sweatshirt viciously. I snatched my cigarette back and said in a calmer tone, "What were you saying?"

"Well, you aren't mad at me or anything, right?"

"No, why would I be?" I replied, not really paying attention. I glanced around the party again, and saw Kathy watching us. He opened his mouth to speak but I interrupted.

"Will you take me on a walk? I can't do this right now," I spoke clearly.

He raised his eyebrows. It was highly unlikely for me to leave a party, especially after just arriving. "Yeah, sure," he answered, blowing white rings of smoke around my face.

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I fiddled with the stereo.

"God, I hate the radio! They never play good shit," I moaned. We had taken Stacy's car for a spin, because I was too incredibly drunk to walk straight. I leaned back, giving up on the music, and leaving it to rest on some stupid pop station. I looked out the window; we were passing P.O.P.

"Stop, stop, stop!" Jay pulled into the parking lot, and I leapt out of the car before it had come to a full stop. He dashed around the vehicle to meet me on the other side, and our lips met. He tasted like weed, and beer, but there was a hint of something sweet I couldn't place. Our hands were roaming everywhere, thoroughly enjoying the moment we had alone. Then a familiar noise reached my ears.

_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, Seamstress for the band_

_Pretty eyed, Pirate smile, You'll marry a music man_

_Ballerina, you must have seen her, dancing in the sand_

_And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand_

I broke away from his soft lips with a mischievous look upon my face. In a swift movement, I leaned into the car, and turned the volume knob as loud as it would go. The parking lot at P.O.P. was directly on the beach, so I ran out into the deep sand and began dancing. To my delight, he followed me, laughing. When he reached me, he hoisted me onto his hips, and swung me slowly in a circle. Then, he allowed me to slide down his body, and connect with his tantalizing lips, his hands still tight around me.

_Jesus freaks, out in the street_

_Handing tickets out for God_

_Turning back, she just laughs_

_The boulevard is not that bad_

I backed away and started dancing, holding his hands on my revolving hips. His topaz eyes were gleaming in the moonlight as I sang the lyrics.

_Piano man, he makes his stand_

_In the auditorium_

_Looking on, she sings the songs_

_The words she knows, the tune she hums_

He pulled me closer, and kissed me passionately. Once again, out of my drunken foolishness, I disconnected, and took his hands in mine. I then proceeded to sprint to the shoreline, release him, strip off my white shirt and shorts, and throw my shoes into the sand. Standing there in only my blue bra and bright red underwear, I skipped into the freezing salt water.

_But, oh, how it feels so real_

_Lying here, with no one near_

_Only you, and you can hear me_

_When I say softly, slowly_

I frolicked in the icy, dark ocean, the waves crashing against my almost naked body. With each wave that hit, I would be knocked onto my knees in the sand. On the third time, I looked up to see Jay beside me, his shirt off. His face appeared to be glowing even brighter than the moon.

_Hold me closer tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today_

Throughout the repeat of the chorus we danced together, with each step getting closer and closer to each other.

_Blue jean baby, L.A, lady, seamstress for the band_

_Pretty eyed, Pirate smile, You'll marry a music man_

_Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand_

_And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand_

He dragged me into him, and kissed me with more fire than I had ever been touched with. Our bodies were sliding effortlessly together, with the slick feel of water in between us. His hands ran through my long hair, and his lips and tongue caressed mine softer, and yet harder than I could have imagined. It was too much to bear; I wanted him badly. I hitched myself onto his tanned hips, and from my elevated height, got even closer than I would have thought possible, our lips never ceasing. Playing with his golden hair, the music was still heard clearly over the waves.

_But, oh, how it feels so real_

_Lying here, no one near_

_Only you, and you can hear me_

_When I say softly, slowly_

Our passion continued as the melody faded into nothing; and the waves crashed upon our bodies. I could feel his notorious grin playing on his lips, and smell the sweet sandalwood-smoke scent of him. The moon and stars glimmered overhead like they were observing us. The wind whipped across our skin, making it sting, and yet we didn't notice. For the first time, I felt connected to another human, something I had never felt, and I was determined not to let it go.

_Hold me closer tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today_

_Hold me closer tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today…_

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A tanned, perfectly cut arm was holding me loosely. I was lying in soft sheets that smelled of sweet wood and pot smoke. I turned onto my other side and felt warm breath upon my face. At this, my eyes opened heavily. Jay's face was no more than three inches from my own. Before I had time to register this thought, my head began to pound violently against my skull and vomit rose into my throat. I freed myself from the sheets and Jay, stumbled into the hallway, and shut myself in the bathroom, kneeling by the toilet.

When I had finished, I brushed my teeth quickly and washed my face, which had been damp with sweat. It was then I realized I was wearing my bra and underwear. 'What the _fuck _happened last night?' I remembered stealing the tequila and drinking with Tony, and then… did we make it to Red Dogs? How had I ended up in Jay's house? I didn't recall going there. And where the hell were my clothes? For some reason Tiny Dancer by Elton John seemed to ring a bell… Why?

Head still pounding, whether it was from the hangover, my confused thoughts, or a combination of the two, I didn't know; I headed back into Jay's bedroom, where he was sleeping peacefully.

Despite my utter befuddlement, I had to admire him. His mouth hanging slightly agape, surrounded by his oh-so-soft lips; his bronze skin and long, dirty blond hair, which appeared to be golden in the sunlight that was peeking in through his window, fanned out around his face. His shirt also seemed to have found it's way off of his body, and his lean, honeyed muscles were moving up and down slowly with his intake and exhale of breath. Oh, he was gorgeous.

Bending down, I picked up a large black shirt, whose sleeves had been cut off, and the slit plummeted down to where my hips were. Sliding on the shirt, I crawled back into the warm bed.

I sat next to him, trying to summon last night's events, with no luck. Finally, after ten minutes of silent thought that brought me nowhere, I gazed back at Jay, only to find him staring right back at me.

"Morning," he said sleepily, propping himself up and kissing my neck gently. He breathed into my ear, "I like you in that shirt," chuckling he lay back down, dragging me next to him. I curled up against him, and rested my head on his bare chest. He played with my dark hair for a while, and I inhaled his sweet scent, never wanting to move. Finally, I opened my mouth, unable to stand the terrible pangs in my forehead.

"I have the worst headache."

"You need something?"

"Yeah," I breathed. Neither of us moved for another ten minutes, him still curling my hair around his fingers. Slowly, I maneuvered my way out of his comfortable bed and into the kitchen.

I toyed with the bottles of pills on the counter, knowing they would do nothing for this hangover. Peering into the Adams fridge, I found a carton of orange juice. After pouring myself a huge glass I wandered back into Jay's room. He stared at me in a dazed way when I entered.

"Do you have some pot? I could really do with a bowl," I asked, gulping some more juice.

"Course," he pointed to the little table next to his bed. I pulled the drawer open, finding a plastic bag full of weed, and his sea-foam, blue-green pipe. Next to them lied a neon green lighter, and a skateboarding magazine. I handed him the orange juice as I began to prepare the smoke session.

When I had finished loading the bowl, I took a gigantic hit and passed it to him. In the sunlight of his window, we watched our smoke swirl and curl, until we were happily high: the perfect hangover cure. I grinned dopily at him, and he returned it.

"So, your nose looks much better."

"I can barely feel it now."

"I went over there yesterday," he told me, looking away. I was too high to work up any emotion.

"And?" I said sharply.

"I got your shit," he gestured at a black bag in the corner of his room. "It's all your clothes, and your favorite feather pillow."

A smile, truer and bigger than I had produced in a while, formed on my face. "The one I stole when I was like, twelve? No you didn't! I love that pillow!" I scampered off the bed, ripping open the bag. A white pillow was jammed inside, on top of all my clothes (which wasn't many). A small shriek of glee emitted from myself. I yanked out the soft, feather pillow and leapt back into the bed, swinging it under me.

"Ah…" I sighed. It was like lying on a cloud. "How did you do it? Ted's a monster, and my mom can be a major bitch…" I trailed off, studying his face for signs of a bruise or gash.

"Well, I was pretty pissed, you know. And he tried to stop me, but I got to him eventually," he smirked maliciously. "Your mom was crying a lot, and I didn't even see Alex," he said softly, as he began stroking my head. I desired to know what exactly he had said or done, but I knew if I pushed the matter, he would never tell me. An annoying characteristic he possessed.

"Oh," I said lamely. He was eyeing as though he was going to tell me, but no sooner had that thought passed, when his face morphed into his famous half smile.

"You wanna go eat?" he asked.

I groaned. "Not at all, the thought of food makes me want to hurl more, but whatever… One question."

"What?"

"Um… what the hell happened last night?" I mumbled quickly.

"Are you serious?" he laughed dryly. "You don't remember anything?"

"Uh… tequila, Parliaments, and Elton John. You care to fill in the gaps?"

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I stared into the depths of my plastic water cup, wondering if I drowned in it, would the headache go away? The bright sunlight of the outdoor burger joint we had chosen was blinding, so I was wearing dark sunglasses. Sid, Tony, and Stacy met us there, and the food they had ordered was nauseating me. All of them were reliving last night.

"Dude, and then she went all in!"

"No shit? Who won that round?"

"I fucking did, man! You shoulda seen it, she was so hot."

"Yeah, Jayboy, where the hell did you run off to?"

Jay shifted in his seat slightly. I hadn't noticed they even realized we departed the party. "Ah, Kimber was smashed, so we left," he lied easily. Actually, it wasn't much of a lie, just not the whole truth.

"Did you get some?" Sid asked, jokingly. I knew he wanted a real answer though. Stacy's eyes suddenly became very interested in a pigeon and Tony scrutinized us, thoroughly enjoying the topic. Jay grinned, and glanced at me, begging for me to play along. But I was not in the mood for it, like I normally was, and glared through the tented lenses at him. I swept a piece of brown hair out of my face and said dully,

"Of course, I just can't resist," I then proceeded to take a long drag off my cigarette as the guys laughed. "Look. I was so plastered, I couldn't have fucked anything, alright?" I said with a slight smirk as the guy's laughter died down.

"You coulda done me, chica," Tony snapped, with a chuckle. We all laughed with him, causing my head to pound harder.

"Ugh," I sighed, placing my hand on my forehead.

"Front side, back side. Front side, back side, over the light!" Tony laughed, as he smashed a chip in a bowl. I couldn't work up the energy to laugh again. No sooner had he done this, Skip pulled up, honking. He stormed out of the car and slammed the door.

"Where ya been, huh?" he growled in his drunken voice. We all became silent and averted our eyes. We had skipped the practice today, due to the party last night.

"What, ya just forget about practice, or what?" Still, no one replied. I could see the ends of Jay and Tony's mouths curling up. "You think I like sitting on my ass waiting for you clowns, huh?" Tony could no longer restrain his laughter. "What you think this is funny? Is it funny, is it funny? Hahaha."

Skip grabbed Tony's burger and smacked it across his face. "How's this? That funny? Yeah?"

Everyone burst out in fits of laughter. Even I forgot about my headache and joined in.

"Hey! I'm serious man!" Skip clasped the back of Jay's neck and shook him roughly. "You guys need to keep pushing man!" He forcefully pointed a burger at us, then turned and walked back to his car, biting into the burger.

"He took my burger," Tony moaned. Jay, Sid, and I chortled.

"Hey, you think we should bring him to the pool tomorrow?" Stacy suggested.

"He's gotta run the shop," Tony replied.

"Dude," Jay choked out, "You just got patty slapped."

Once again my laughter caused pangs in my head, but I didn't care at the moment.

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Almost a pointless chapter, but I liked it. I thought it was sorta cute.

I have a little assignment for you guys… will you tell me who:

1. Is portrayed best.

2. Is portrayed totally far off.

That's all. Oh! And review! I won't upload until I get three reviews!

Love you all.

Lette.


	11. wallflower

Disclaimer: How else do I say this? I don't own it. Por favor se mio.

Actually, I just said please be mine. Not really the same, but I suck at other languages.

Oh, and to the kind reviews, I just have to say, that they put this huge, terribly embarrassing smile on my face. Thank you so much, all of you. And sorry I didn't upload sooner, I had a little case of writer's block.

Anyways, I'm sure you're bored with me, so I'll get on with it.

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A week later, I woke up early to catch a surf session. When I made it to the pier, I realized only Stacy was there. I hadn't heard him leave that morning, and wondered how much earlier he had gotten up before me. I sat in the sand, and looked at the dark sky. Pink and orange were peeking out, but I could still see the stars of the night before. I then focused my attention on Stacy, who was out in the water.

He was always much better when he thought no one was watching. It had always been the opposite with me; I had to show off, and when I was alone, I normally failed, either with riding a wave, or completing a trick. Even from a distance his long blond hair was clearly visible. He caught the next wave and rode it perfectly, swerving and cutting into it with unreal balance. I stood and paddled out to meet him.

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"So, I guess we're the only ones who remember this place, huh?" Stacy chuckled, shaking out his wet hair.

"God no. Everyone else is just dying from all the practices Skip is planning," I smiled.

"Yeah, and that you don't go to half the time," he replied, playfully pushing me.

"Whatever, can I ride with you back to your place?"

"Are you kidding? You're soaking! Hell no," he said, even though he was opening the passenger door.

"Thanks, Stace."

"Yeah, yeah," he rolled his eyes and loaded the two surfboards and my skateboard. We then piled into his car, and he asked, "You want to get some breakfast?"

"Sure, whatever man."

The small and dirty taco stand we drove to serves us, even though we were in wetsuits. Of course, it helped that Stacy had zipped his down and revealed his chest, which the girl at the register seemed to like. I inhaled my two bean tacos in less than five minutes, but Stacy beat me, finishing his tacos in three.

"Why don't you get bean and cheese?" he questioned.

"I hate cheese," I told him.

"Really? I never knew that."

"It's true."

After a second of silence I asked if we could get back to his place and nap. He agreed, and we cruised back in the rising sun. When we arrived, I threw myself upon the couch, which had a blanket and pillow on it.

"Your gonna get your own bed, Stacy. I've been taking it from you too long."

He looked exasperated, but nonetheless, went into his room. I closed my eyes, preparing myself for a relaxing nap. Then, I was hit in the head by something incredibly soft. My eyes flew open to see Stacy standing there.

"Couldn't let you sleep without your pillow, can I have the other?" I grinned and tossed him the one under me, replacing it with my fluffy pillow and shutting my eyes once more.

"Thanks," I breathed. He didn't answer, so I assumed he had left.

But I didn't know he was just contemplating how to respond, and could think of nothing.

--

--

--

"Babe, babe, you alive?" I stirred, hearing the laughter. "Ah, come on, you really died on me?" a gruff voice asked jokingly. I cracked my eyes open to behold Jay, who promptly planted a kiss on my lips.

"Mm, good wake up," I sighed, turning over and burying my face in the sofa.

"Alright, I didn't want to do this," he said, as though he was facing battle. But then, he wedged his arms under me, and lifted me up into the position one holds a child. I laced my hands around his neck and my face broke out into a huge smile. He began spinning slowly in a circle while I giggled, until he stopped and looked down at me. We shared an innocent, and yet passionate kiss, before the noise of a door opening reached my ears. We separated as Stacy and Tony walked in.

"You had to pick her up to wake her? Jesus," Tony sniggered. I untangled myself from Jay, and he led me to the couch, where he pulled me to perch on his knees. I looked up expectantly at Tony and Stacy.

"What are we doing?"

"We we're sorta hoping you'd answer that," Tony said, settling himself in the cushioned chair beside the couch.

"Any parties going on?"

"Not that we know of. And we know of them all," Stacy responded, from his spot on the floor.

"I say we smoke a bowl, and go eat."

They all complied.

--

--

--

"Fuck you."

"You totally sucked back then though! Dude, you were always cut up from falling so god damned much." We we're all feeling a bit nostalgic while eating, and Jay had just finished reminding everyone how much I used to fall off my skateboard when I was younger.

"You guys remember the first time we all got drunk?" Tony asked.

"Oh god yes. Best experience, there was absolutely no hangover," I smirked.

"We must have been, what eight, nine?" Stacy reminisced.

"It was around the time we all smoked that box of cigarettes," Jay said.

"'Course, after we had sneaked them from your mom," I laughed.

"Always be thanking your mom, dude, she's hot," Sid added. He had joined us at the diner. Jay punched Sid in the arm.

"Well can you blame him? She is man," I snorted. He grabbed my sides and pushed me onto my back in the booth, my hair falling everywhere. I shook it out of my face, only to see a familiar face outside the window. I gasped.

"Fuck," I growled. "Dudes, I have to go." They all looked at me, confused.

"Why?" Jay asked in a nonchalant manner, shoving a fry in his mouth, and then throwing one at me.

"Alex is about to walk in," I cried. All of their faces glanced at the window where he was standing with two girls and another guy.

"Looks like a double date," Jay responded, not caring. I glared at him. Didn't he get what I had gone through, leaving him at home on his own? After I had sworn to him I would be there?

"Kimber, I'll get you home," Stacy said quietly, getting up. He tossed five dollars on the table, and exited through the back entrance. Jay never looked up.

I climbed into Stacy's car, and immediately swept over what tracks he possessed. I saw John Lennon on one, and not caring which album it was, shoved it in.

"God he is suck a jackass, you know?" I ranted angrily. "I mean, he knew how much Alex meant to me, or I thought he did, who the hell knows," I faded out. My argument sounded weak.

"He didn't see it, so it's not like he really knows what happened. Unless you told him," he added quickly.

"No, I didn't," I moaned. "Whatever, he can be however he fucking wants. I don't give a shit."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Stacy grin slightly.

"What?" I accused.

"Whenever you say you don't give a shit, you always do."

I shot a look at him, and turned up John Lennon's 'Mind Games.'

--

--

--

"So, I'm staying with Stace right now. Or at least 'til I find somewhere else," I explained to Peggy.

"You can always stay with me," she offered kindly. I grinned.

"Thanks, but I'll probably try and find somewhere, where I'm not mooching off the people there."

"Understood," she nodded.

"Hey, ladies, could ya try and not talk so much? You're here to skate, right?" Skip growled.

"Yeah, man," I replied. We were sitting on the side of what I thought of as the 'bowl' while I told her why I was arriving everywhere with Stacy. I dropped in, sliding my turquoise board easily underneath me. I then succeeded in completing a perfect run, with Skip watching.

"Good enough?" I yelled out to him.

"It's because I've been ridin' ya so hard!" he shot back, before turning to watch Tony. I walked up the steep cement, coming upon flat ground, and throwing myself down, to bask in the sunlight; the sound of wheels speeding along cement were growing louder, and I opened my eyes to see them flying over my head. I shrieked, than began laughing loudly as Tony made a crude signal at me, yelling: "Bitch!"

I sat up, rubbing my eyes, with a smile plastered on my face.

"What'd you do to deserve that?" a boy I didn't know asked.

"No idea," I grinned, looking up at him. He had light brown hair that touched his shoulders and big brown eyes. He placed himself next to me.

"So, what's your name?" I questioned.

"Craig," he told me.

"I'm-"

"I know who you are," he smirked.

"Uh-huh," I responded. "How?"

"Hard not to know the name of a pretty girl," he said smoothly. I didn't buy a word of it.

"Hm… Okay then," I said, clearly not interested.

"So," he started, persistently. "What are you doing later tonight?" I opened my mouth to retort, but then saw Jay looking daggers at us from the other side of the bowl, while Sid was trying to discuss something with him. I closed my mouth, and locked eyes with the boy, whose name I had already forgotten.

"Nothing, yet," I said, giving him an open door to try for me.

"Wanna hang?" he smiled, stroking my shoulder. I chuckled tenderly.

"Maybe," I answered, not really knowing why I was trying to make Jay so angry. I inched closer, smiling shyly. Vaguely, I could see Jay gliding over to where we sat. When he approached, the boy's eyes shot upward at him. As Jay didn't walk away, the guy who's name I could not recall, stood swiftly and questioned,

"Do you have a problem or something, man?" At this, I rose too. All I wanted was to make him jealous, and not to wail on some kid I didn't know.

"Ah, nah, man," he said, in a raspy, low tone. "Just, your hitting on my girl," he turned his head slightly upward as he said this, indicating aggression.

"Really? She didn't say anything about a guy," he trailed off. With a malicious grin on my face I looked at Jay, and swept in between them.

"Look, both of you need to shut up. I don't think we're gonna be able to hang, but it was a nice offer," my face screwed up in concentration. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry, what was your name?"

He glared at me. "Never mind, you whore," he spit, viciously. A small smirk was playing upon my lips, but an arm shot out, pushing me to the side. I stumbled and fell to my knees. When I looked up, it was just in time to see Jay punch the boy in the jaw. He then jumped on him, pounding his face.

"Maggots, Stop!" Skip's voice rang out, as he pulled Jay off, who immediately stormed away. All of the team was looking confusedly at the scenario. I set myself back on my feet, and raced to Jay, not caring that the other male was breathing shallowly on the pavement.

"Jay!" I called out. He didn't turn around, so I sprinted behind him, grabbing his hand. "Jay," I said solidly, trying to lock eyes with him; it amazed me when he actually did meet my eyes.

"I say something you don't like, and suddenly you can go for other guys?"

"What? No, it's not like that. We were just talking, I don't even know him-"

"Bullshit. I'm just a pastime for you, and you know it," his eyes flashed. My head was spinning, a pastime? Didn't he know how completely smitten I had become with him? So much that it scared me. Did I really have to explain it to him?

"Look, Jay, you've got it all wrong. I was angry, you know how I get about Alex. Seeing

him today didn't help either. Sorry, if I made you feel like that, 'cause your not a pastime at all," I rushed out. When I finished the look on his face had softened in the slightest.

"Prove it. Move in with me," as he said this, a definite smirk had crept onto his face. He swept away a chunk of hair that had fallen into my face and looked into my eyes. For some odd reason I couldn't explain, it sounded like a challenge.

"Fine. The only reason I didn't was because you never asked."

"Shut up," he whispered, before our lips connected.

--

--

--

"Oh, darling, of course you can stay," Phalaine cooed.

I smiled. "Thank you. So much. I promise, you won't notice me."

"Hard not to," Jay said ever so softly, tickling my ear. I laughed. We had walked to Stacy's place, and with the help of Tony, acquired my belongings, which had become scattered among the house. Stacy wasn't there, so we hadn't had a chance to tell him. I thought he would figure it out though.

"Where can I put my stuff?" I asked as though I had never been in his house.

"I'll show you," he replied, grinning. I hauled my one bag and pillow, while he carried my skateboard to his bedroom. I looked around, seeing it in a whole new light. Living together would either tear us apart, or draw us closer. I set my bag on his dresser, and threw my pillow onto his bed. On top of the dresser was a surfing magazine. I picked it up and sat on the bed.

"Look at those waves," he said, admiringly. On the cover was a huge bright blue wave, with a bronze guy on a yellow surfboard riding it. "Hawaii," he sighed, dreamily.

"God, I would kill to go there," I groaned.

"It's almost not worth it, getting up so early to get good waves, when those are out there."

"But worth it at the same time."

"Always." He nuzzled into my neck, eventually reaching my lips. After a few moments of his sweet taste, I disconnected without changing the distance. I opened my eyes and smiled, taking in how I could be totally broke, a dropout, and kicked out of my house, but be so absolutely content.

"What?" he questioned, simpering.

"Nothing," I beamed. He gawked at me smugly.

"Come on. You didn't eat a lot at the diner, I'll make you something," he offered.

"'Kay," I responded, allowing him to drag me back into his kitchen. I placed myself on the couch as he bustled around. Before I knew it, there was a bright red apple flying at my face. I swiped out and hit it to the floor.

"Jackass," I muttered, as I picked it up. He was watching me with an amused look on his face.

"Nice reflexes."

"Shut up."

He plopped down next to me, looking like an excited child. I chortled, and took a huge bite out of the apple with a crunch.

"What?"

"I'm just so happy we're living together."

"It's insane. You ever think we'd end up like this?"

"I knew you'd get kicked out, if that's what you mean." I knocked his head the other way. He turned it back, running his lips directly into mine. A few short kisses later he wondered aloud,

"Do you want to hit Tony's party tonight?" For the first time, I didn't immediately desire to attend a party. I wanted to stay in, and keep Jay to myself. I looked deeply into his topaz eyes, which were awaiting my answer, and decided. I wanted to lose myself to him. We had only been together about month and a half, but had known each other all our lives. Besides, I would never find someone better.

"Let's stay in. Can we?" I asked, a glint in my eyes. He cocked one eyebrow, with his half grin.

"I guess," he said softly, leaning in for another embrace, when the front door opened noisily.

"Jay! Ki- Oh, hey! Just, came home, and you know, thought you had left…" he trailed off, blushing. I smiled despite my annoyance that he worried about me doing something rash. I knew that in our neighborhood it was rule of thumb to keep your door open for your friends, because they might end up in jail if they have nowhere to crash.

"Hey Stace, yeah I'm fine."

"Good, I was just making sure you didn't rob a store or something… you know."

I looked at him confused. Was he always so 'on edge' about me?

Then Kathy walked through the open door, and sat down on the couch next to me; my heart dropped. I sighed and positioned myself more comfortably in the padding.

"So, what are you two doing?" she questioned.

"I just moved in," I said, using a falsely cheery tone. I wanted her to know Jay was off-limits, after that warning Tony had given me I feared her. That warning, the one I had told Alex about… But I couldn't think about that. It was painful to think about Alex. Besides, she had Stacy.

"Yep," Jay said lamely. I stared at him with one of my perfected exasperated looks. His eyes plainly said, 'how can we throw them out?' I sighed again.

"You better have some seriously good weed," I compromised. Stacy walked over to the couch and swung Kathy off, bringing her back down into his lap. I grunted in disgust, and to hide it, shoved the fruit into my mouth.

Stacy whipped out a fat joint, as Jay went to turn on the television. When it flashed on, I immediately saw Farrah Fawcett's perfect face fly across the screen. I groaned on the inside. I hated watching Charlie's Angels with guys, because then they could compare me to the three, and next to them I looked terrible. I didn't have the bony body of those girls; instead I had boobs as big as theirs, but paired with an hourglass figure. Plus, my face was too round, hair too damaged, and eyes different shades of brown. I glanced at Kathy. She could have easily stood next to these girls untouched. Her perfect flowing hair, amazing skin, and small butt gave her an ideal look. I bit into the apple viciously.

"Light that bitch man. I'm getting impatient," I growled through chewing. Jay grinned.

"I'll still stay in, if you stay in," he whispered into my ear. I took a deep breath; what would happen? I knew Jay had been with plenty of girls, all of whom he had left. Would he do the same to me? Did I even have to do this? I mean, I guess it wasn't that big of a deal, just sex. For my reputation of being so fearless, I was suddenly scared of a million things. I turned my head slightly to the side, and stared into his piercing eyes. They were what made me decide.

"'Course," I replied. Thankfully, my voice portrayed none of the fear I was experiencing.

--

--

--

I ruffled my hair lightly. I then slid the strap over my shoulder, and examined myself in the mirror. I was wearing a black bra and underwear set. My body resembled one of a 50's pinup girl. Although, it wasn't very 'in' my thighs touched when walking. I had never noticed this before, and threw on my pair of faded jeans. I proceeded to slip into a gray v-neck, and dug around in Phalaine's makeup drawer. I swished a shadow across my lids, covered my lashes in mascara, and smeared some unopened vanilla gloss on my lips. To my utter surprise, I didn't look repulsive. Hell, I could see why girls like Kathy wore so much. But then again, I also found them incredibly ignorant.

I flounced out, and noticed Jay sitting on his porch steps. I walked into the darkness and sat next to him. He passed me a drink. I took a swig and immediately recognized it as tequila, rum, juice, and some seven up he must have found. It was sweet, and I knew I could get plastered off of it. From one of his neighbor's, I could hear Bob Dylan's voice softly playing.

"_Wallflower, wallflower, _

_Won't you dance with me? _

_I'm sad and lonely too. _

_Wallflower, wallflower,_

_Won't you dance with me?_

_I'm fallin' in love with you._

_Just like you I'm wondrin' what I'm doin' here. _

_Just like you I'm wondrin' what's goin' on._

_Wallflower, wallflower, _

_Won't you dance with me? _

_The night will soon be gone._

_I have seen you standing in the smoky haze, _

_And I know that you're gonna be mine one of these days, _

_Mine alone._

_Wallflower, wallflower, _

_Take a chance on me. _

_Please let me ride you home."_

The music slowly died down, as I thought about how ironic it was that that particular song had been playing. I polished off the drink quickly and hurried into the house, using the ingredients he had left out. But before I went back outside, I took three shots of tequila. When I rejoined him, the images of the night sky were blurry.

"We don't have to do this," he said, locking eyes with me.

"It's okay. I want to," I breathed, for at that moment, I truly did. I leaned in, giving him a fiery kiss, which became even more heated. We snapped off, and he surveyed my eyes. I nodded quickly and he drew me back into the house, and to his bedroom. He pulled me onto him, and we continued kissing as though there was no interruption. He slowly removed my shirt, reveling the lacy black bra. His eyes lit up. He took off his own shirt, showing his perfect abdomen.

Even though he was enjoying himself, I could tell that his motives were not selfish. He didn't go quickly, but relished the time. He never pushed, and asked before the actual act occurred.

--

--

--

I lay there, underneath the protection of his golden arm, in his shirt and the ridiculously skimpy underwear I had donned the night before. My eyes were wide as I recalled the night before. It was how almost everyone desired the first time to be. It had hurt, but Jay was gentle. There was hardly an awkward moment, and he muttered sweet nothings to me throughout it. Then he had lay with me until I dozed off.

I had to remind myself it wasn't a dream.

I curled closer to him, and flipped over to look at him. He looked like some Greek God whom had mistakenly landed on earth. A small smile crept onto my face. His eyes cracked open, and he grinned at me; my heart fluttered.

"I'm glad we stayed in," he said, that notorious glint in his eyes.

"Me too," I replied honestly.

--

--

--

The girl I had been seemed to be hiding. I had been a girl who would have never been with only one guy. She would have never gotten that flipping feeling when he touched her. Never felt so comfortable talking to him. And most importantly, she never would have moved in with someone, and then continue to have sex. The girl I knew wouldn't have trusted anyone enough to let that happen to her. But she got lost in Jay Adams.

The morning after, we walked down to Zephyr, and hung out with Sid, Stacy, and Tony. It was as though nothing had happened. He wasn't awkward, wasn't touchy, and didn't make any reference to it. It was too good to be true, and I should have realized it. But for some unexplainable reason, I had fallen for Jay, and had to hope he wouldn't hurt me.

Hope and trust have never come through for me. I should have thought of this before I let myself go too far.

--

--

--

Did you like this chapter? What do you think gonna happen?

Now, I'm not making up excuses, but this next chapter might take a little longer, because there's a lot to put in it.

Please review! You don't understand how good they make me feel.

-lette.


	12. yellow moon

Don't own the story, only my characters.

Thank you everyone for leaving me reviews that made me continue!!! You don't understand how amazing that feels.

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--

--

The days passed into weeks, and the weeks slipped into months, and before I realized it, it was August. A slight cringe shot through my spine when I realized it was already August 16th, and I hadn't recognized it. School would be starting soon, and as I had already considered myself a dropout, I still knew I was smart. Hell, when I applied myself, which was rare, I got near perfect scores. Also, we had ceased waking early and going to surf, which seemed logical, due to all of the skating, but I missed it. And strangest of all, we began getting recognized, or, at least, Zephyr and the Zephyr team. Skip was getting orders from other countries, like Australia or Brazil, and it was beginning to grow into stressful work. He morphed into a drunken version of a businessman, while Montoya and Chino, still desired to surf all day.

These changes didn't affect me, though, because Jay and I had been blissfully happy. After our rocky start, we grew into a pleasant relationship. Our decision to move in together had brought us closer, and I was relieved. The only problem we had was trust; it wasn't that I didn't trust him, but sometimes I felt inferior, which I didn't like. With the slight fame, or notoriety, girls were forming a line to be with Jay. It annoyed me.

On this August 16th, I was lying on my back, allowing those thoughts to wash over me with my eyes shut. My hair was damp and wavy, as I had just showered, and was staining Jay's bed with water. The motion coming from the foot of the bed told me Jay had sat down on the bed with me. I felt his warm hand caress my calf, and it slowly moved up my leg, until he reached my hip. He then softly felt the side of my ribcage, and found his way to my cheek. As he was stroking it, I opened my eyes.

"Oh, did I wake you up?" he asked gruffly.

"I wasn't sleeping," I responded.

"Hard to tell," he replied, flipping over to stare at the ceiling with me. "Are you tripping or something?" he questioned with a laugh.

"Ugh," I sighed, turning to look at his profile. I snuggled into his shoulder, and he lifted his arm to put around me. He nuzzled into my neck, and I laughed, having always been ticklish.

"What?"

"Nothing," I lied, smiling. He grinned and leapt on top of me, and began tickling me at every spot he could reach. I managed to choke out,

"Stop! Stop!"

He collapsed on top of me, giving me a surprisingly gentle kiss, which became rough and passionate. He ran his hands smoothly through my wet hair, continuing to cup my face in his palms. We then stripped off our shirts and pants, and he was about to remove my bra when we heard,

"Ow, ow!" Both of our heads snapped apart, and beheld Tony standing in the doorway, smirking. I immediately let my arms fall off of Jay, and groaned. Jay chuckled and said,

"What, you wanna pick up some new moves?"

"You know I taught you everything," he answered as he plopped onto the bed. He picked up my damp shirt, wringed it, and folded it.

"Uh, man, are you gonna watch?" Jay snapped from on top of me. Tony looked at us as if he hadn't realized we were still there.

"Well, I'm supposed to tell you two something," he informed us, and then said, "Kimber, nice ass."

"What did you need to tell us?" I asked, exasperated. I was totally out of the mood now.

"We're leaving to Del Mar tomorrow." When Jay and I were silent, he carried on, "Oh, I guess you two wouldn't have heard, you know, 'cause you can't hear over the sound of Kimber moaning, but the team's going to the Ocean Front Skate Festival."

"Seriously?" Jay perked up. "Damn, you couldn't have told us sooner!" he growled, knocking Tony on the back of the head. The sight was slightly comical, being as Jay was in his boxers. Tony sprung up, rubbing his head.

"You guys can continue now, but there's a thing at my place later."

This was when I perked up. "Do you have tequila? Or should I bring my own bottle?"

"Nah, nah, I got it," he winked. Jay threw his sheet over me, as I hadn't noticed Tony eyeing me.

"Stop looking at her," he whispered, as he got off the bed and bumped Tony's shoulder.

"What, you starting to get protective, Jayboy?" he leered, while Jay slid on his jeans.

"Whatever," I remarked, instead of Jay. I glided out from under the cloth he had thrown over me, and threw on my shirt. I then turned to Tony, "Is just the team coming?"

"Yeah, unless they bring other people," he shrugged.

"'Kay," I said, and brushed past Tony, entered the kitchen, and began to dig threw the fridge. I received a sharp slap to my butt, and heard Tony laugh,

"Damn, it's hard too!" I popped my head out of the icebox, with the carton of orange juice in hand.

"Yeah, and you better believe your never getting it," I grinned. Standing behind Tony, Jay smiled at me. His eyes sparkled at me, and he started to form words, but I gulped some juice at that point, blocking my view of him. I brought the carton down quickly, too quickly, and some orange liquid spilled down the front of my shirt.

"Shit," I moaned, as the guys cracked up. While, I was cleaning my shirt, I couldn't help but wonder what words Jay wanted me to silently understand.

--

--

--

I sucked deeply on the bong, taking a hit that made the neck solid white with smoke. I held it in, forcing my face to go red, and burning the back of my throat. When I finally blew out the smoke, I could hear Jay saying,

"Jesus, I still can't believe you only told us today."

"Hey man, I'm sorry about it. Does that make you feel better?" Tony replied, with Blanca sitting on his lap. Jay swiped the bong from in front of me, and took his own hit. The Rolling Stones were booming from Tony's house, and even though it was one of their slower songs, it echoed off the walls perfectly.

_It is the evening of the day_

_I sit and watch the children play_

_Smiling faces I can see_

_But not for me_

_I sit and watch as tears go by_

"So, chica, I hear Tony walked in on you two," I glared at Tony through the smoke. Jay choked on his hit, and began coughing. Blanca simply stared at me, so I said smartly,

"Yeah…" while in my head I was thinking, 'Do you really ask someone you barely know that?'

_My riches can't buy everything_

_I want to hear the children sing_

_All I hear is the sound_

_Of rain falling on the ground_

_I sit and watch_

_As tears go by_

I saw red hair bobbing above me, and shouted without thinking, "Red Dog!" The head immediately spun towards me, and he came striding over to the couch Jay and I were seated on. He flung himself upon the chair beside us, and across from Blanca and Tony.

"I've got some coke, if you want any," he offered. I shook my head, knowing when I was on cocaine I got angry extremely fast. Jay nodded, and I cocked my eyebrow. I had nothing against cocaine, as I had done it quite a lot, but his temper flared while on it too. _It is the evening of the day_

_I sit and watch the children play_

_Doin' things I used to do_

_They think are new_

_I sit and watch_

_As tears go by_

When Red Dog started to create the lines, I knew I wouldn't be able to resist, so I got up, yelling,

"Shots, anyone?"

In an instant, I was pouring five shots, for Peggy, Biniak, Shogo, Sid, and myself.

"Cheers," I called out, lifting my shot glass. We all knocked them back, making faces, and chasing them with beer. The process kept going, and before I knew it, I had done six shots. My vision was blurred, and feet unsteady. There was a slack smile on my face I couldn't wipe off.

"Another," I yelled. I only poured one, and gulped it down.

"Body shots!" someone hollered, pulling me forward. My grin became looser as I let a guy I couldn't recognize drag me forward. He picked me up and swung me onto a counter. I propped myself up onto my elbows shouting, "Who's first?"

A flock of guys surrounded me, but one raced to the front. I pulled up my shirt, revealing my navel, and allowed him to lick it, and then sprinkle salt on that area. He was handed a shot, and I picked up a lime that was lying by me, and placed it between my teeth. He slobbered up the salt on my stomach, swallowed the tequila, and took the lime from my mouth. As soon as my mouth was free, I said loudly,

"I need another fucking shot."

"Like hell you do!" I heard someone answer. I turned my head quickly and the rest of my weight went with it, crashing to the floor. Being as drunk as I was, this didn't hurt, so I popped up and saw Jay.

"Jayboy!" I cried, falling onto him, but catching myself around his neck.

"What the hell Kimber? You're letting other guys _lick _you? You fucking slut!" he laughed maliciously. I looked up into his face confusedly.

"Wh-What?" I hiccupped.

"You let guys do anything to you. I'm an idiot for thinking you actually cared about me."

"No, no, I didn't do that," I said, even though I had. I wasn't really sure of what I was saying.

"You did! I saw it!" he still wasn't yelling, but talking loudly.

"Why are you so mad at me?" I said softly, a tear leaking out of my eye. This surprised me, but I was always emotional when drunk. His face softened for a split second, but then the anger boiled back into his eyes.

"I'm in love with you, that's why! But you don't give a damn!" he spit, ripping my arms away from him. I stumbled, struggling to balance myself. When I finally had, Jay was nowhere to be seen.

"Jay," I whispered, staring at all of the people. In my drunken state, I clumsily led myself out of the house, tripping down the stairs outside of Tony's place, and falling on to the concrete. I pushed myself up and tottered down the dark sidewalk, not sure of what had just happened, or where I was. Though I knew I hadn't gotten far, as I could hear the opening notes of Jimi Hendrix's "Fire", and spun around, staring back at the direction I had just came. Before I could make up my mind on whether to go back or keep walking, my throat filled with vomit. I fell to my knees in a nearby bush, splattering everything in my stomach inside of the bush. It felt like I had been there an eternity, when lights flashed onto me. Fear bolted through me, thinking it was the police. I remained with my head down, spitting the traces the vomit left in my mouth.

"Kimber?" a familiar voice yelled.

"Stacy?" I bellowed.

"Yeah, do you need a ride home?" he trotted over to me with a concerned look.

"No," I shook my head three times. "I'm just gonna sleep here tonight…"

"Okay, come on," he said, dragging me to my feet.

"No, no, you don't have to," I said over and over again, thought letting him pick me up and set me in the passenger seat. When he slammed the car door, I let my head fall backwards, unsure if I was done puking. He hitched himself into the drivers seat and gasped,

"Jesus, what happened to your elbow?"

"Huh?"

"Your elbow, it's bleeding like crazy!"

"Oh," I said, taking a look at it. He was right; there was a deep gash I could see my bone through. There was dirt stained around the edge of the cut, and blood was trickling down my forearm. "Stace," I chuckled, "If I could lick me elbow, this wouldn't be bad! But I can't… I'm such a fucking failure!"

He started the car, and both of us stared ahead for about a minute before,

"No you're not."

"Yeah I am."

"Hey, I'm the failure. Me and Kathy just had a fight because I wouldn't have sex with her in front of Tony," he laughed dryly.

"That's nothing. I think me and Jay just had a fight because I was letting people do body shots, or something." I started giggling. "Then he called me a slut."

Stacy stiffened at this as my giggles broke into roaring laughter.

"He really called you that?"

"Well, it's not out of the ordinary," I said, swiping my hand across the air to prove I didn't mind. Tomorrow morning, I would wake up, and Jay and I would be fine; I was sure of it. "I'm always called a slut. Plus, he was on coke."

"You don't deserve that," he quietly said. Before I could absorb that statement, I leaned out of the window that was permanently stuck down, and threw up.

--

--

--

The next morning I woke up with a pounding headache. There was sunlight pouring in from a window, and it was hurting my head more, even though my eyes were shut. The bed I was lying in was incredibly soft, and I realized I was lying there alone. This fact wouldn't have bothered me normally, except it meant I wasn't in Jay's bed. Eyes still tightly closed, I attempted to remember if I had slept with someone else. Before I could retrace my steps far enough back to where I wasn't shitfaced, the sound of a door opening made me focus on keeping my body still. If it was another guy, I didn't want them to know I was up. I sensed that they were bustling around the room, and then drew closer to the bed I was using.

"Kimber, Kimber, wake up…" the voice drawled. 'I know that voice,' my beating head thought. "Come on. We gotta go meet at Sid's for the Ocean Front Festival. Wake up."

My eyes cracked open, and the pain in my head went to a higher level, but I breathed a sigh of relief. It was only Stacy.

"That's today?" I moaned. "But I'm so hungover…"

"I know. That's why I'm gonna get some weed in you, you'll be fine."

"Okay, okay, gimme some space."

He glanced at me suspiciously, as though he thought I was going to go back to sleep, and left the room. I climbed out of bed unwillingly, and saw my clothes had changed. As I had no recollection of putting on Stacy's shirt and a pair of his boxers, I wondered if he had stripped me down, or if I had done it myself. I began searching the room, and discovered a pair of cutoffs, and my Zephyr shirt. I didn't care to think of how they'd gotten there; I would simply ask Stacy later. I dismissed the fact that I might have pranced around naked in front of Stacy and tried to pick up the pieces of last night. While I was dressing, I started thinking hard. We had gotten to Tony's, and… did Jay do some lines? I vaguely remember coke coming into play. Jay and I had an argument, and somehow I ended up puking in some bushes. By the time I was thoroughly confused by how little I remembered I leaned back on the bed, only to experience a sharp stinging in my left elbow. I glanced down at it, and noticed it had a wad of gauze taped to my skin. As if I hadn't been confused enough.

'I need to talk to Stacy,' I decided, exiting the bedroom. I hated admitting defeat, but I needed to know why I went home with _Stacy_ and not_ Jay. _

"Hey… Stacy?"

"Hey," he said hurriedly, brushing by me and handing me a joint. "Here, that's some strong shit, so you'll feel better."

"Thanks," I responded, puffing on it. "So," I began again, after blowing out a steady stream of smoke. "Mind telling me what the hell happened last night?"

"Dude, I don't even know what happened to your elbow. I just cleaned it," he chuckled, taking the joint from me and throwing himself across the couch. I perched myself gently upon a chair.

"Okay… So, how did I end up at your place?" I really didn't care about my elbow.

"Well, I found you hurling in some bushes right around the corner from Tony's house."

"Was I alone?"

"Yeah, you said you and Jay got into a fight," he averted his eyes when he said this.

"About what?" I persisted.

"Something like, you were doing body shots, I guess, and he was on coke, and he said some things… I'm sure you're fine," he sighed.

"Body shots? Jesus, I'm ridiculous," I said quietly. "Wait, what did say?"

"You said he said he called you a slut, or something," he replied hastily. A slut? Hadn't it been just yesterday he was covering me up from Tony's view? I must have looked as though I was going to ask more questions, because Stacy said,

"Hey, we need to get to Sid's."

He stood up, smashed the joint in an ashtray, and straightened his Zephyr shirt. "Come on," he added, when I showed no signs of movement. I got up, my head spinning slightly, and followed him outside into the blazing heat.

--

--

--

"Rufus, you're so beautiful," I cooed to the giant headed brindle Pit-bull. He belonged to Sid, but this dog didn't act like a dog. He had beautiful brown eyes that stared into your soul. I had always loved going to Sid's amazing house, but mainly because of Rufus.

We were lounging by the pool, which would be ideal for draining. Jay had sent Sid inside to ask his dad. Stacy was lying on his stomach, gazing into the depths of the pool. Tony was sitting on a pool chair, and Jay was beside Stacy, but on his side, shoving his face with crackers. I was the only one talking, and it was all directed at Rufus. There was an awkward feeling in the air that I had never felt between us. Jay hadn't even pretended to be concerned about my elbow.

Tony kept glancing from Jay to me, me to Stacy, Stacy to Jay, and back again. Stacy seemed to be in his own world. And Jay was being shifty. He hadn't said a word to me all day, and couldn't even bear to look at me. As much as this tore me up, I pretended not to notice.

Suddenly Jay sprang up. Sid was approaching us.

"Hey, what'd your dad say?" Jay asked.

"What'd he say? Sid, are you high? The pool's for swimming," Sid responded. Jay wasn't done though.

"Just tell him we'll fill it back in when we're done," Jay pleaded.

"Yeah he said if you get hurt you'll sue him." When Sid said this, I laughed out loud.

"We won't sue him," Jay said through mouthfuls of crackers.

"He said you parents will," Sid replied simply.

"Dude, our parents can't even afford lawyers," Stacy piped up. So he had been listening, and made a really good point. Tony jumped from his chair and to Sid's side.

"Hey man, hey man, let me talk to your dad," he chimed in.

"Hey man, the only Mexicans my dad talks to push lawnmowers," Sid joked, swinging his arm around Tony's neck. Tony started playfully fighting him. Before they could get far, honking blared in the distance.

"Hey, you guys, it's Skip, come on," Tony said, pausing from the fight him and Sid were having.

Everyone leapt up and began sprinting in the general direction of the noise. Rufus ran beside me barking, while shouts of, "Hey shotgun!" and "No I get shotgun!" rang through the air.

--

--

--

Somehow, in the shuffle, I had ended up in the middle of Skip and Stacy in the front-seat. The smell of Skip's burger was nauseating me, and I was thinking about asking Stacy to switch seats with me, so that I could hurl some more. The conversation of the backseat floated up to reach my ears.

"Seriously, we should drain it when he goes on his next business trip," Jay was saying.

"Yeah, and have you all killed, good one though. Good idea, but no," Sid said sarcastically. As much as I wanted that pool drained, I was becoming increasingly annoyed with Jay, and chortled at Sid's remark. I could practically feel Jay's topaz eyes burning into the back of my head. Even though I wasn't facing him, I knew he was gnawing on his nail, because it was a habit of his. He only did it when he was preoccupied or nervous. I couldn't tell which one. Suddenly, Jay leaned out the window, shouting on the top of his lungs,

"Kiss me granny, love to get me some of the gray beaver!" Despite my indignation with Jay, I spun around in time to see two elderly women in long fur coats standing on a street corner. A smirk crept onto my face, turning into a burst of laughter, along with the rest of the guys.

"Come back when your balls drop!" one of the ladies yelled back. This only made everyone laugh so hard our stomachs hurt.

"Ooh yeah, you lookin' good!" he jeered, shaking his fist. He emitted some short cheers as we passed the two.

"Go back! Go back!" Sid commanded leaning forward and bellowing in Skip and my ears. By now all of us were cracking up, and for a second, we forgot what had come between us.

It was then I realized something was between all of us. I glanced in the backseat, and caught Tony's eye. He appeared to be studying me. He snapped his head away as soon as he registered I was staring back.

Something had definitely found it's way in the middle of us. I wasn't sure if it was anything to worry about, or how it involved all of us, but it scared me. A sharp honk from behind made me jump. I turned around in my seat and saw Red Dog driving Peggy, Biniak, and Shogo. I grinned slightly, the thought still plaguing my mind.

When we finally pulled into the parking lot, Jay had hopped out, hanging onto the bumper while riding his skateboard. For once that day, the thought of what was going on with Jay and I was chased from my mind. There were so many teams there, and shockingly, fans. My mouth dropped open and Stacy lightly pushed me smirking,

"Snap out of it." I followed him out of the car, and blinked in the sunlight. We were in Huntington Beach, and it I was surprised how _clean _it was. The sounds of girls shrieking "I love you Tony!" made me stare at him. He was taking it all surprisingly well, signing boards, and smiling at all of the girls. Skip was striding through all of the different companies, ignoring them. Stacy stayed by my side, and I had already loss track of Jay.

"Come on," Stacy whispered into my ear, his breath tickling it.

We approached the throng of people surrounding the area all the teams were to skate on. Tony was already preparing himself, so I pushed to the front of the crowd, with Stacy right behind me.

"Oh I'm sorry," a gray-eyed boy apologized as he bumped into me.

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine," I said nonchalantly. He then did a double-take.

"Whoa, you're on the Zephyr team?"

"Yeah," I snapped, knowing it was because I was a girl. No one ever treated Peggy like she didn't deserve it; why did I always get that? "Why?"

"Well, I mean-"

"Hey man," Stacy interrupted, stepping in front of me. "She's a great skater who could probably kick your ass. Not to mention, she's better looking. So lay off."

I was shocked. Stacy noticed I caught hell for being a girl? The guy looked a little offended, and stalked off.

"Whoa, dude, thanks," I said lamely. He contemplated me briefly before we both heard the screams of "Tony! Tony!" and focused our attention on him.

He went over the ramp, sliding in front of some loud girls, who appeared honored by his presence; I rolled my eyes. The crowd had started chanting, "Tony. Tony. Tony." He finished his run with another slide, where he remained basking in the attention with an enormous smile plastered on his face.

Out of nowhere, I saw Jay's face, contorted in concentration. He flew off the ramp landing it, slid in a circle, touching his hands to the ground, while the crowd sang his own name. For some unexplainable reason, it ripped at my insides to watch Jay. So instead, I studied the crowd. I found Tony, who was examining Jay as though he was thinking how he could do everything better. Maybe this was only my imagination though.

After Jay had finished his run, I gave Stacy a reassuring smile. He then tucked his shining hair behind his ear, a girls voice cried, "Stacy!" and he pushed off. He slid, accomplished two full spins, and continued with a zig-zagging motion. I noted that Tony was still watching intently. Stacy completed with a double slide, his hair flying everywhere. He stood up and moved off of the area, when no sooner, Tony came flying from off of the top of a lighthouse, landing his jump perfectly. The entire crowd was screaming as he yelled, "Alva!" while flipping his hair, and fiddled his tongue out if his mouth. The photographers were going crazy, and a mob of girls flocked around him. He somehow got a hold of a marker and was signing the girl's thighs, stomachs, and chests. I caught a glimpse of Stacy and Jay, who looked both proud and baffled.

My stomach gave an uneasy flip. I couldn't compete, not today. I walked away from the mass of people, and noticed Skip was selling Zephyr gear for unreasonable amounts. I had to grin a little. I moved over to where he was sitting, and stood next to him.

"Thought I needed a model, baby?" he said sarcastically, eyeing me through his sunglasses.

"She certainly could be one," a male voice said. "Hi, Marvin Perez, from Time Magazine. I was wondering if you'd consider posing for a cover, and then maybe doing a spread inside? Of course, an interview would be ideal also," He told me. My mouth dropped open, as Skip laughed out loud. "You have a beautiful face," he went on, "And a very nice shape," he seemed to believe compliments might push me to say yes. I stared blankly.

"You're serious?"

"Why, of course. You and this team are getting big, fast. It'd be amazing to have such a gorgeous girl who is also a part of skateboarding in Time."

When I still appeared to not be able to grasp what he was saying, he hurriedly said,

"No exposure, of course. I mean, a swimsuit, if your comfortable, and your Zephyr shirt, if that's why you're worried. Here, let me give you my card, and you call me when you've made up your mind, okay? Nice meeting you," he finished, handing me a glossy card with his name, number, and Time Magazine printed on it. I looked at Skip, stunned, and he grinned up at me.

"Ooh, gonna leave the team and strip down now, are you? Make some quick cash?" he drawled jokingly.

"Shut up," I groaned. Of course the guy's would get other skateboarding companies offers, and I was stuck with a magazine. I shoved the card forcefully inside the back pocket of my shorts, not planning on taking it out.

Eventually, the festival drew to a close. Stacy, Tony, Jay and I decided to ride back with Skip; Sid drove home with Red Dog. Jay had yet to make direct conversation with me, or even look me in the eye. By this point in time, it was killing me. I honestly didn't think something so trivial as me being a drunken slut, that he knew I could be, would tear us apart.

On the way back, we stopped at a gas station. I was gazing out the window of the store, watching as Jay set back the price while the employee washed the car. This upset me even more, for I had taught him that trick. When Jay had finished, he headed into the store. Skip, whom had been surprisingly quiet, spoke,

"Tell me about Larry man, huh?" he directed this at Tony, as they were squeezing cheese and chili out of the tubs. I cast my gaze to Stacy, who was asking questions to the man at the register. He was the only one who would talk to me. I didn't dwell on this, and went back to eavesdropping. I observed that Jay was watching intently from behind them.

"What about him?" Tony questioned.

"Well you tell me," Skip countered. It was at that point Jay cut in the middle of the two, roughly punching cheese into a small bag.

"That dude told me some shit about how great I was, dude, 'you may be the best skater in the world someday, fact is, I think you are the greatest,' he said, in a mocking tone as he slouched outside. I caught the back of Tony's head droop in the slightest after Jay walked out, before he rushed out. Stacy left the counter, and was cornered by Skip in the doorway, with me right behind them.

"So, what'd he say to you Peralta?"

"Well, I guess, uh, we're all the best skaters in the world," Stacy laughed, smiling at me, prior to joining the other two guys outside.

"Yeah…" I knew Skip was trying to see whether or not a company had bought the guys out, and hadn't gotten an absolute answer.

When Skip and I strolled out, Jay was sitting on the huge gas tank, with Tony and Stacy leaning against the wall. Tony was eyeing his half eaten hot dog with a look of disgust.

"Well it's all working out for you boys," Skip said, with a hint of anger in his voice. "And girl. Kimber here's gonna be a fancy model," Skip sneered. The looks of bewilderment on Tony and Stacy's faces seemed like they would ask a question, but Jay was already on a new topic. It was as though he hadn't heard that ludicrous statement.

"You know what I'm thinking bro's? We're gonna be on summer vacation for the next twenty years," Jay mused.

Stacy turned to Tony, a look of excitement on his face. "Yeah," he chuckled. Tony threw a piece of his hot dog at Stacy. I could tell I wasn't the only one in a bad mood.

"Oh! Dude, that's nasty man!" Stacy snorted, shaking it out of his hair.

Without warning, Jay leapt off the gas tank, slamming his skateboard onto the bad filled with cheese, splattering a car nearby. The man who owned the car was talking with a girl, but immediately halted, darting at us, yelling. We sprinted to Skip's car amidst several screams.

It was odd to me that only yesterday Jay was kissing me, holding me, _speaking _with me.

I had no idea what had happened.

--

--

--

The car rolled to a halt.

"I'm not taking all of you punks to your houses. You can walk. I'm gonna go sleep. Later maggots," Skip stated waving us goodbye.

We all stood there, on some sidewalk, and started walking in the general direction of our homes. No one was skating, as our legs had fallen asleep on the way home. I didn't actually remember too much of the drive, as I had passed out on Stacy's shoulder. Once again that day, a barrier seemed to have grown between us as we were walking.

"Hey, dude," Tony broke the silence. "Can we all just hang at your place, Stace? He dropped us near it."

"Yeah, whatever man." I didn't mind that we would be sleeping at Stacy's, considering that's what I had done last night. And then it hit me.

Did Jay think I had done something with Stacy? If I wouldn't have felt so lousy, I might have laughed. 'When we get there,' I thought, 'I'll set him straight. Everything will go back to normal.'

--

--

--

"I'm gonna go shower," Tony sighed, leaving Stacy's front room. I was spread on the couch, with Stacy propped up against it, and Jay on the chair.

"Kay," Stacy yawned. He then pushed himself off the floor. "I'm gonna crash. Jay, hope you have enough room in that recliner, and tell Tony to come into mine for pillows."

Jay nodded.

"'Night," I called to Stacy, as he departed the room. Immediately, there was tension. I rested myself on my elbows, so as to face Jay.

"Jay," I started, not really knowing how to say what I wanted to. "Look, about last night," there, that was a good place to start. I took a deep breath. "I was wasted, and I know being a whore, but I didn't do anything with anyone. Unless you count a body shot. But nothing happened between me and anyone."

He had finally turned my way, but his face was sullen.

"I'm sorry," he sighed, moving over to peck me on the lips. "I knew nothing happened, I guess I was… overreacting," he locked my mismatched brown eyes with his shocking topaz ones. I smiled; I hadn't expected my apologizing to work so quickly, but was relieved, nonetheless.

--

--

--

"Holy shit," I said, awed. The next day we skated to an empty pool the team told us about, and we're stunned to find reporters and photographers present. They told us they were from Skateboard Magazine, and I grew excited. That was a magazine I wanted to be in. The woman first took Tony aside, then Jay, and then Stacy. Surprisingly, they also wanted a short bit with me too.

"What do you think about Venice?"

"It's my home," I grinned. When I was younger I rehearsed this millions of times.

"What's it like being around so many guys?"

"They're like my brothers, I've known them so long."

"How do you look like you do, and do what you do?" I hadn't been prepared for this question.

"Huh?"

"Well, you are stunning, and yet you just hang out with your friends and skate! How?"

"Um… I don't know," great, now I sounded like a bimbo.

"Okay, great, we just need a few shots."

She told me to stand on the outside of the pool, while the photographer shot me from inside of the pool. We had only snapped a few, when she yelled,

"Can we get some shorts? And a small, black shirt? And some makeup?"

These supplies in hand, she ran over to me, telling me to change, while a makeup artist smeared things on my lips, dabbed my face, and drew on my eyes.

"But, this isn't my Zephyr shirt," I protested, when I regained use of my face.

"We'll be shooting you from the front, no one will be the wiser."

--

--

--

"I can't believe we're gonna be in Skateboard magazine!" I shrieked. We had headed to Jay's after all the chaos, but it was only Tony and I there, at the time. He had sent Stacy and Jay to go get us something to eat. It was almost as if he was trying to get me on my own, but I was on such a high from being recognized, I didn't care.

"Yeah, it's unreal, huh?" he grinned weakly. "Look, Kimber, I gotta tell you something… I was going to tell you yesterday, but Jay told me he would, and then ya'll are all fine today…" he trailed off. When he mentioned Jay, he had received my full attention. What had Jay not told me?

"What Tony? Tell me."

"Okay, well at my party, you know, you and Jay got into a fight, and well, he was out of his mind high and drunk. And really pissed at you, 'cause he was doing coke…" once again, Tony paused. I was becoming frustrated by now, and was looking daggers at him.

"And?" I pressed.

"Well, my sister was there, and I saw it, I just didn't say anything," Tony moped.

"Tony? What the fuck, are you trying to tell me?"

"Jay cheated on you," he finished. My insides went cold.

"Wh-What?" I stuttered.

"Look, I wouldn't have said anything, but it didn't seem like he was going to."

I felt as though everything in my body was screaming. My eyes became blurry, but I blinked the tears away. There was a lump building in the back of my throat, that I tried swallowing with no success.

How could he? How dare he? And here I was thinking it was my fault. That motherfucker.

"Tony," I was shaking, but luckily no sobs had been released. "I need you to help me get my shit."

"Kimber, shouldn't you wait for Jay to get back, you know, so you can talk about it?"

"Hell no, come on," I forcefully said. When in Jay's room, I began rummaging through everything, snatching up anything that was mine. This didn't take longer than fifteen minutes. I zipped my duffel, and stared at Tony.

"Thanks for helping," I said coldly. I knew better than to trust anyone, and I fell into a trap. But I sure as hell wasn't gonna give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. I stormed out his front door, only to run straight into Jay. The look on his face was one of pure shock, but I kept moving, determined to let no one see me cry.

I began running as soon as I was down his stairs. When I thought I'd gone far enough I cut into an alley, throwing my duffel and falling to my knees. I would head over to Stacy's when it got dark, after I had finished my sobbing.

Hot tears seeped from my eyes and stained my face, but I didn't mind. How could I have been so naïve to trust him? To think, I thought there was something there… Something beyond anything I'd ever felt…

The worst part was, there was. And I couldn't let it go.

I stayed in that alley long past nightfall, underneath the yellow moon, wishing more than anything that the one person who I thought cared about me, hadn't betrayed me.

--

--

--

AUTHOUR'S NOTE. PLEASE READ:

I will be leaving for the month of August on vacation! I realize I finished with a cliffhanger, but I was about to give too much information, and make people hate me for leaving on vacation with that in mind.

My next update will be in the first week of September. I'm so sorry! If there's a computer where I'm going, it will be soon.

Don't give up on me! Please.

And review! Because, those will push me to write in August.

I love you guys!

-lette.


	13. the crazy diamond, saying goodbye 1

I'm back, and with a tan! Wow, you would not believe how many ideas I had flowing while there, and nowhere to update!

Disclaimer: I do not own this/or any of the music in it.

--

--

--

When I surfaced from my damp and salty palms, it was to find a scraggly man hovering over me. If I had been feeling well, the sight might have scared me a little, but I had no emotion to spare for the stranger.

"Hey honey, you holding?" the toothless junkie asked.

"No."

"Well, you got any money?" he persisted.

"Sorry."

"Shit, man, come on, what's in the bag?"

"Nothing."

"Then why the hell are you back here?" he questioned angrily. I stared up into his dark, bloodshot eyes, and thought about what had led me to this alley, with my eyes stinging from lack of moisture.

I guess I could trace this back to my overnight prison visit. Maybe it started when I was kicked out; or living with Jay. Hell, the reason I was in this certain alley could be blamed on my mother getting knocked up. Instead of trying to understand how exactly I ended up where I was, I simply said,

"My boyfriend cheated on me, that's all," as I spoke, I pushed my numb body into standing position, and grabbed my duffel. "Nice meeting you," I sighed tonelessly, turning out of the alley with the man watching my retreating back.

I couldn't go to Tony's, because that was also Kathy's. Sid lived all the way on the cusp of Venice and the edges of the Valley. Home was out of the question. I would feel too awkward at Stacy's.

It was then I realized, I didn't know where to go. All I could think was to not break down and cry, not break down and think about him.

The answer hit me with a cold blast of air conditioning as a bar door swung shut. I strutted through the same door, and was shot with the same cool air. The bar itself was filled with smoke, and contained two pool tables, and a few barstools that were thrown around lazily. There were two big tattooed guys playing pool, three elderly men, sipping on whiskey at the bar, the bartender, who smiled at me upon my entry, and gestured me forward, and a girl who looked my age, clad in bellbottoms and leaning against the wall, swaying gently to the music.

She had wilted flowers tangled in her light brown hair, feathers tied around her skinny upper arm, and thousands of rings on each tiny finger. There were no shoes on her dirty feet, and had a thin gray shirt over the high waist of her jeans. Her eyes were closed, but I knew she was stunning.

I walked to a barstool, shoving my bag into the seat beside me, as the bartender came my way.

"Rough night?" he grinned. His green eyes scanned my tearstained face, and then asked, "Whatever you want, on the house."

"Some whiskey and rum, any kind you got. Where's the bathroom?"

"Just the whiskey and rum?" he sized me up critically.

"Yeah," I replied, a note of defiance in my answer.

"Bathrooms over there," he pointed to the side with the two pool tables, and behind them, a door.

"Thanks," I smiled.

I entered the bathroom slowly, the smile falling from my face. My blue streaks were sticking out in my dark hair, and I toyed with the idea of just dying all my hair a different color: bright red, electric blue, or even deep purple. It was frizzing, and especially thick tonight; the tangles looked impossible. My eyes were blank, just a little red around the rims. I was still wearing my Zephyr shirt and jeans, and at the moment felt incredibly stupid about every decision or thing I had ever said. I needed to change, and it would begin with my clothes. Then I remembered I left my bag unwatched, and hurried out of the bathroom.

Through the haze, I saw the angelic girl laughing with the bartender, my duffel untouched between them.

I sat back down on my stool, and he set the glass in front of me. I took a sip, and immediately wanted to vomit; the two liquors were so strong they burned. It was perfect.

"Cig?" the girl offered me.

"Thanks," I answered, trying to grin. She handed me a lighter and a cigarette. After I had puffed on it once, I noticed her eyes. They were gray flecked with turquoise, like a peaceful storm was occurring inside of her, and only added to her beauty.

"We we're just saying what an amazing piece of art this song is," she informed me. I listened for a second, and realized it was Pink Floyd.

_Remember when you were young,_

_You shone like the sun._

_Shine on you crazy diamond._

_Now there's a look in your eyes,_

_Like black holes in the sky._

_Shine on you crazy diamond._

"I'd have to agree with you," I nodded, dragging on my cigarette.

"I heard you when you came in," she said casually. I froze for a second, then spoke,

"Uh, thanks."

"I couldn't see you, but I could sense your worries so strongly, it was like they were yelling to me," she drawled. I glanced at the bartender to help me respond, but he had gone to attend to the three other men at the bar. So, I took a swig of my drink.

"I felt your problems, and I'm sorry for whatever you have experienced, or may experience. Because I can sense your trials are far from over."

I slowly moved my head in a circle, hoping it was the correct way to respond.

_You were caught in the crossfire,_

_Of childhood and stardom,_

_Blown on the steel breeze._

_Come on you target for faraway laughter, _

_Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!_

"What's your name?" I popped out randomly. She beamed at me.

"Hazel."

"Are you from here?"

"We drift around. We're never bound."

"We?"

"Yeah, you should come with us," she told me. I cocked my head to the side.

"I've sorta got some stuff that I have to do here before I leave," when she looked confused, I pinched my shirt and explained, "I'm on a skate team, and can't really leave right now," I began to feel embarrassed and a little irritated. I was bound, not free. Hazel was free, and I wanted that.

"Well, we're gonna hang here a while, if you get that shit settled down."

_You reached for the secret too soon,_

_You cried for the moon._

_Shin on you crazy diamond._

_Threatened by shadows at night,_

_And exposed in the light._

_Shine on you crazy diamond._

I hadn't realized that she was muttering the lyrics to the song randomly.

"So, you have any family?" I questioned, trying to make conversation.

"'Course," she laughed. "Everyone is a family member."

"Right," I agreed confusedly, and gulped the remainder of my drink. "Anyways, it was great meeting you."

"A pleasure talking with you, Azure," she glowed at me. I halted in the process of grabbing my bag, and surveyed her perfect face.

_Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,_

_Rode on the steel breeze._

_Come on you raver, you seer of visions, _

_Come on you painter, you prisoner, and shine!_

"Wh-What did you just call me?"

"Azure. That's your name, right?"

"How'd you know?"

"I could tell," she said simply.

"Well, I'll see you around," I stated, throwing my bag over my shoulder and heading for the door.

"I bet you will," she sighed mystically. I waved at the bartender, and walked out onto the dark sidewalk, turning left, towards Stacy's house.

The way Hazel had guessed my middle name both scared me and fascinated me. Although, the way it rolled off her tongue so beautifully made me proud of it, for the first time.

--

--

--

I lightly tapped on Stacy's small bedroom window, and waited, swaying back and forth. A few seconds later, his blue eyes appeared through the glass. He fidgeted with the lock, and the pulled the window upward. I placed my foot on a particularly large rock, which was there for these exact purposes, and shoved my bag through the hole. I then put my head in and squeezed my shoulders through. He took my hands in his, while I wiggled my hips and legs through, landing directly on his bed, which was underneath the window.

We stared at each other for a little while, before I said,

"Can I sleep on the couch?"

"Take the bed," he responded, his shining hair flashing as he shook his head.

"No, I'll be fine," I protested.

"Seriously Kimber," he groaned, attempting to leave the bed, but I reached out and caught his arm, holding him to the bed.

"Look, let's just both sleep here," I negotiated. "It's late, and I don't want to argue."  
"Okay, understood," he shrugged, lying back and sliding the comforter over himself. His platinum hair fanned about his face, and his penetrating blue eyes locked on me, as I got under the covers.

Suddenly, I was overcome by emotion, wishing to be in Jay's bed, with his arm around me. I could feel a lump forming in the back of my throat, and swallowed tasting traces of the liquor I had digested.

"So, I went to this bar, and met this girl named Hazel-" I started, but Stacy cut me off.

"You know, me and Tony are totally angry with Jay about this thing too. I can't believe he did that to you!" his face flipped over to look at mine, which had a tear seeping out of one of its eyes. His hand brushed away the tear softly, and where his fingered touched my face burned. It occurred to me how close our faces were, when he whispered, "You're too good for that. You're beautiful, funny, smart," he inched closer, "and better than that," he finished, now so close I could smell the peppermint scent of his hair, and feel his cool breath on my face.

I could sense something was about to happen between us, and a little voice inside of my head continued to repeat, 'This is Stacy. This is Stacy. This is STACY.'

But I think that was what appealed to me most, when his gentle lips connected with my own. It wasn't natural, like with Jay, but it was sincere and felt right. Before I knew it, my hands were running through his smooth hair, and his were rubbing my back. When these thoughts registered, I stopped, and so did he. We broke away, staring at each other.

"Are we doing this?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, instantly, wanting anyone to replace Jay. Then we began again, and he flipped himself on top of me, removing his shirt and revealing his toned body. I grinned, not thinking of anything except Stacy at that moment.

--

--

--

I started at the sound of pots and pans banging. My eyes flew open, and I realized I was alone in Stacy's bed, completely naked. My heart rate rocketed, and my breathing became fast and shallow. I had thought it was all a dream, and I would wake up engulfed in sandalwood. I threw my hands to my head, cursing my impulses. I sprang out of the sheets, putting a pair of his boxers and his shirt on. How would I ever be able to hang out with Jay or Stacy again?

I entered the kitchen to see Stacy cooking breakfast. When he saw me, his face lit up.

"I'm making pancakes," he told me, pouring some batter into a pan. I tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace.

"Morning," I greeted, sitting gingerly in a chair, and dragging my hand through my hair. The sweet scent of the food wafted towards me, and I pondered how awkward I was feeling, but how at peace he was. "So, Stace, just to be clear, last night was…" I trailed off. He looked at me quizzically.

"I mean," I started over. "Kathy and Jay cheated on us, and we cheated back, so it's over now, right?"

"Um, Kimber-" he began, but was interrupted by a loud knock. "Hang on."

"Yeah, yeah," I said quietly. I heard him open the door, and then a voice I hadn't heard in a while shriek,

"Where is she? I know she's here! I checked the other two shitholes, so she has to be here!"

"Um-"

"Do you know what the fuck she did?" after this yell, I ran to the door to find Nicole's perfect face tearstained and red with anger.

"There you are! You fucking bitch!" she darted at me, but Stacy took hold of her two arms, as she struggled to brake free.

"What the hell?" I screamed at her. She ripped her arms from Stacy's grip and glared at me, shaking with sobs or anger.

"You wanna know? I'll tell you. You killed her!"

When I looked befuddled, she continued.

"Mom," she sobbed. "She died, because of you!"

Something inside of me crumpled. Was Nicole actually telling the truth? Was my mother dead?

"Wh-What? You're lying," I choked out, not daring to believe my ears.

"Oh, yeah, I'm lying," she laughed mockingly, waving her hands. "Oh, this'll make you care, Alex was in the accident too, you fucking whore."

"What are you saying?" I bellowed, advancing on her. A new wave of tears washed over her.

"She was driving him home, and-and, they were in a wreck," she bawled. "But before that, it was like she had already lost the desire to live. Two of her children abandoned her!"

I sprang towards her, but Stacy intercepted me, and caught my waist.

"That's not true!" I roared, over Stacy's shoulder. "They're not dead!"

Nicole's eyeballs bore into me, and she said softly,

"They are. They're gone. The service is this tomorrow at 10, and the burial at 12," with that, she spun on her heel, and slammed the door behind her.

When the door shut, I broke down. My legs could no longer hold my weight, and my weeping was noisy and uncontrollable. Things were racing through my mind quickly, as though I was reliving them.

"_But I don't want to go!"_

"_Honey, I know, but you have to," her kind brown eyes smiled at me._

"_But what if he makes fun of me again! He's so mean, and then I get in trouble for hitting him!" I protested._

"_He just likes you sweetie, that's all," she laughed._

"_No, Jay doesn't like anyone."_

"_Well, you have to go to school, and then after I'll take you out for dinner. Anywhere you want," she bargained._

"_Fine."_

_She took my hand, and led me to my classroom._

_--_

"_Mom, why do all the other kids dads go to the school to pick them up?" I wondered one day, coming home from second grade._

"_Because their daddies are the ones who got left."_

_I ogled at her._

"_Why? Can't two people be happy?"_

_A small droplet leaked from her eye. "Yes, honey, they can. You keep believing that."_

_--_

"_I'm so stupid! I'm never riding a skateboard again!" I cried, staring at the deep and painful gash in my knee._

"_You always have to keep trying."_

"_You gave up," I countered, being too young to know she didn't, and she kept going for her children._

_--_

"_God, mom, must you take in more kids?" I wailed stubbornly, now twelve. "We're already poor enough, without more people eating our food."_

"_Yes, we will live with them Kimberly! They are good kids, who you'll love. Ones about two years younger than you."_

"_Great," I groaned sarcastically. "Hey, if you stop calling me Kimberly, I'll do it," I tried._

"_Really?" she looked hopeful. "And what will I call you? Since the beautiful name I gave you at birth obviously means nothing."_

"_What about… Kimber." _

"_I could deal with that," she agreed._

_--_

_It was the evening that Nick left. Nick was her firstborn, and she loved him. People say there's no greater love than a mother for her children, and I believed it._

_She sat alone, sniveling at the table. I speculated from a doorway, with tears falling down my own cheeks._

_--_

_The small brown-haired boy entered my room._

"_Hi, I'm Alex."_

"_I'm Nicole," she said, sitting next to me on the bed. I popped off, sizing him up._

"_How old are you?" I asked immediately._

"_Ten," he answered, nervously._

"_Well, I'm twelve, so I'm in charge," I said proudly._

"_No! I'm fourteen," Nicole corrected._

"_Whatever," I replied, waving my hand to dismiss this fact. "Have you ever surfed?" _

"_No…"_

"_Come on!" I dragged him out of my room, and directly to my mother._

"_Mom, will you take me to the pier? The guys are gonna be there, so it'll be fine."_

_--_

"_Shit!" I growled, slipping on the window ledge and falling into the dry grass. Alex lent me a hand and lifted me up._

"_You okay?" he smirked._

"_Hey, I am sneaking you out for the first time. You gotta give me something."_

_--_

"_Kimber? Are you awake?" his voice broke through the silence and darkness._

"_Hmm?"_

"_I'm scared."_

"_Why?" I moaned. "You can sleep with me."_

_He maneuvered himself into my bed and whimpered, "Kendall and Ted are at it again. Ted just threw a lamp at her."_

"_Hey."_

"_What?"_

"_Promise me, you'll never be like either of them. They are both crazy and our only chance of survival is to stick together."_

_--_

"_Kimberly, stop."_

"_No, no, you let him do this to me. What the fuck were you thinking? Your husband, your fucking asshole of a husband, hit me and you did nothing! God, I have been waiting so long to leave, and you know what? I'm out, you bitch! Now I get why Nick ran out!"_

"_I'm so sorry honey-"_

_--_

"_Where are you going?"_

"_Get out of the way, Alex."_

"_No, I won't. Don't you remember telling me I'd always get off easy 'cause you'd be here? You can't fucking leave me Kimber!"_

_Tears almost escaped, and I said nothing._

"_Please," he pleaded._

"_Move," was all I had to spare for the boy I had come to think of as a brother._

_--_

Stacy had to carry me to his bed, where these memories haunted me. Those were my last words to both of them, the only ones they heard from me before they were taken from the planet. I never told my mother I loved her, but instead yelled at her, calling her a bitch. And I acted as though I didn't have the time to spare for Alex.

I held onto Stacy for dear life, as he was sitting on the couch next to me, stroking my hair out of my wet cheeks.

"The last thing I-I said to-to them, wa-was so mean," I sobbed. He had no response and continued looking at me sadly. Suddenly, my head cleared, and I knew where I had to go. I sat, wobbling.

"I need to leave."

"No, Kimber, stay, you need to calm down," he tried, but I had already ripped myself away from him.

"I'll see you later," I said softly.

--

--

--

I banged loudly on the door three times.

"Red Dog! Wake up!" I screamed through the wooden barrier.

"I'm coming! I'm coming, Jesus…" I heard him moan, and then saw him appear in front of me, disheveled and confused, his flaming hair in his face.

"Hey, man, let me in real quick," I pleaded. He obliged, and opened the door wider, retreating back into his home.

"What's up babe? Why are you knocking so damn early?" he asked, turning to face me.

"I was wondering if you could sell me some heroin," I questioned, bluntly. He cocked his red eyebrow at me, but said,

"Yeah, 'course. How much you need?"

"Uh," I groaned, stumped. "Not sure."

"Well, why don't we snort a little real quick, and I'll see how you take it," he offered.

I nodded, and he rummaged through some drawers, eventually pulling out a small bag, filled with brown powder. He sat down on his couch, and began ordering it into lines.

Red Dog had moved out at fifteen, and was able to pay his rent by selling almost every kind of drug. Business was always steady, because all of his friends desired his products.

All I knew was that he would have heroin, and heroin might give me relief. The way I saw it, there was no other option.

"Alright," he drawled, leaning back and patting the cushion next to him. I took the seat, and stared at him.

"Go ahead," he said, impatiently, tilting his head towards the coffee table. "Ladies first."

I leaned over the table, and picked up the small straw next to the lines. I then inhaled hard, and felt the powder sting my nose. I flipped my head backward sniffling, and rubbing my nose. I then sat stunned for a moment, waiting.

Immediately, vomit rose in my throat. I threw my hand over my mouth and ran to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door. Puke poured hard and steady out of my mouth, and I wondered why anyone would want to do this. Finally, when I spit out the last trace of vomit, I leaned back on my knees, staring at the ceiling. Red Dog was standing in the doorway, smiling at me.

"Newbie," he mocked. Before I could respond, I was hit with the most amazing sensation I had ever felt. All of my problems and worries flew away, and I felt like the most important person in the world. I grinned devilishly back at Red Dog.

"How much will fifty bucks get me?" I wondered, hoping for a deal.

"For you honey, as much as you'd like."

I was on top of the world, with my new best friend, a little brown powder.

--

--

--

With the heroin in my system, and a baggie in my pocket, my head cleared and I knew what I had to do. I settled down, and decided that I would not let one more tear fall, for I realized the world held no good, and never to get my hopes up again.

I dazedly walked to Tony's house, planning my speech in my mind.

When I knocked on the door, I could hear someone run into something from behind the door. I stared up into the sun, letting it burn into my eyes, staining them with neon purple streaks. The front door opened, only to reveal Tony's bouncing curls and sleepy eyes.

"You look like shit," he greeted me, allowing me in. I slowly moved into his house, gazing at all of his furniture in a new light. This would be the last time I saw it.

"What's up, man?" he asked.

"Just coming over, is that okay?"

"Uh, totally. Is this about… yesterday?" he said tentatively.

"No, no, 'course not," I lied. "So, something came up, and I'm leaving."

"Leaving? What, out of Jay's? That was expected," he sighed, throwing himself onto the couch. I remained standing.

"I'm getting out of town, idiot," I stated clearly. His eyes became more alert when I said this, and he focused all of his attention upon me.

"You're, you're leaving Dogtown?" he questioned, shocked. "You're kidding."

When I didn't reply, he continued.

"Is this about Jay? 'Cause that's not worth it, man. You know it's not."

"It's not about that at all dude. I just need to leave, so I'm just saying bye, because I'm gonna get out tomorrow."

"No, no…"

"Yes, Tony," I growled, becoming irritable. As he opened his mouth to respond, Kathy glided into the room, stroking her flowing hair.

"Oh… hey, Kimber," she mocked. My hand balled up into a fist, and my jaw locked. Tony obviously noticed, for he interrupted,

"Let's go out on the porch," he suggested, venturing out there, with me at his heels.

We stood in the sunlight, blinking at each other for a few minutes, before he caved.

"You're really going."

"Yes."

"I can't believe it. But, I guess I can't stop you, but please, stay for the big Zephyr bash tomorrow night. Your in the magazine too."

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

I paused for a moment, contemplating this thought. Before I could think up an answer, Kathy strode outside and onto the porch. Rage pulsed through my veins, and I stopped thinking.

"Look, Kimber, you were just too much of a… what's the word… slut, yes that's it, for Jay. He needs a stable woman," she smiled. "No hard feelings, right?"

My fist swung out and connected with the underside of her nose, feeling it break underneath my force. Blood poured from her nose as she dropped to her knees, cradling her face. I sprung onto her, knocking her upon her back, yelling,

"Look bitch! You don't know shit about me, and if you think I'm leaving because of you and that fucker, you're flattering yourself. So don't come near me ever again, got it?" I thundered, shaking her roughly.

"Kimber, come on," Tony said soothingly, prying me off of her. "Kathy get in the house," he directed, and she obeyed his orders. As soon as she closed the door, Tony freed me. Where Kathy had fallen, there was a puddle of dark blood.

"Look, I won't say anything about that if you stay for the party at least."

I gazed up at him. "Fine, but after that, I'm gone."

"Tell me, what happened that makes you wanna leave this place?"

"Long story. You'll hear it one day," I told him, standing on my toes and pecking him on the cheek. I then jumped down the wooden stairs, searching for an alley to snort some Heroin in, and relieve myself of the emotions I was feeling. While he screamed at me,

"Does this have anything to do with your sister coming to my house and shrieking at me?"

--

--

--

Sorry it took forever!

Review, tell me what you think, I'm very curious.

Hope you liked it.

Love, lette.


	14. the crazy diamond, saying goodbye 2

So, so, so sorry about the longest wait ever. My computer had been down, so I haven't been able to upload until today! Hopefully, you don't hate me.

Also, nothing is mine, Bob Dylan or the Z-boys.

--

--

--

The overwhelming sense of relief dope brought me canceled out my pain. The fact that my mother and brother had died was no longer relevant; I couldn't feel while high.

The sky was now transforming into a deep shade of purple, and in the west the sun had set, tingeing the horizon with oranges and pinks. I strolled along a sidewalk, attracting many looks, paying no attention to where I was going. It didn't matter. The dilemma of where I would sleep tonight was not important; I could crash in an alley.

I ran my fingers over the knuckles that had collided with Kathy's face and grinned slightly. It was comforting to think tomorrow I could leave everything behind and be free, with no ties or commitments. I had severed my friendships with Stacy and Jay, having slept with them, and already informed Tony I was leaving. Everyone on the team might be surprised at my departure, but overall, they would not mind. I was just another girl. The only two that may spare a few minutes to think of me were Sid and Peggy, but they would recover quickly.

As this thought passed my mind, I looked up, and noticed I was near Peggy's house. Deciding to cut off my ties to her now, I directed myself toward her front door. I slowly raised my finger, pushing lightly on the doorbell. After a minute, the sound of scuffling occurred behind the door, and Peggy's mother's shiny black hair appeared.

"Oh, hey Kimber. I haven't seen you around in a while," she smiled at me, before seeing the red rim framing my eyes. "Are you okay?"

I vaguely nodded before asking, quieter than I expected, "Is Peggs home?"

"Yes, come in," she replied, moving to the side to allow my entrance. She closed the door behind me, before yelling, "Peggy!"

"What?" came Peggy's answer, sounding annoyed.

"Kimber's here!" her mother screeched back, then turned to me and smiled one last time, before she entered her own bedroom. I stood waiting in the living room, taking in how nice and peaceful it all looked.

"Kimber, hey man, what's going on?" Peggy greeted me, motioning me to follow her. We walked down her tight hallway, and into her small red bedroom. She flung herself onto the bed with a thud.

"How's it been going?"

"Ah, same shit Kimber. So what's with you? I haven't heard from you in a while… But I heard about what happened with Jay. The piece of shit."

Something cold and hard hit me like a punch, but I swallowed, not daring to let it out.

"Oh yeah, that," I laughed nervously. "But, I just need a place to crash for the night, if that's cool."

"'Course. When isn't it dude?"

I stared down at my feet, and kicked off my shoes. I then climbed into Peggy's small bed, and buried my head into a pillow.

"If you only knew," I muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

I pushed off my jeans, and lay there in my underwear. When I set my pants on the floor, I made sure that my baggie was safe and secure in my back pocket.

"Wow, it's only one and you're off to bed?" she mocked.

"Just sleepy," I moaned, closing my eyes. I heard her grunt, before she too got under the covers. The click of her lamp and the darkness that followed told me I wasn't the only one desiring rest.

Long after Peggy's gentle snores began, I opened my eyes.

I glanced at her face, which was so calm while she slept. She appeared much younger while asleep, but maybe everyone did, because when people sleep, their wall goes down.

Then, I snuggled deep into her sheets, and forced my eyes shut.

--

--

--

The sun was peeking through a window, burning the blanket I lay under, and making me throw my legs out from under it. There was a hard pulsing in the back of my head, and when I parted my eyelids they ached.

I turned onto my side and noticed Peggy was no longer asleep. I flipped myself out of the bed, and pulled on my jeans, feeling the crumple of my bag. My gaze landed upon a clock in her bedroom that read 11:32.

My heart raced, and breath got caught in my throat. I had missed the funeral. I ran out of the room, and straight into Peggy.

"Whoa, man, chill. Where are you going?"

"Peggy, I missed it, I missed it, how the fuck did I do that?" I stuttered frantically.

"Missed what?"

"The god damned funeral!"

"What are you talking about?"

"My mom, and Alex. Their funeral, the burial's in like thirty minutes though, I can make that…"

"What? You're mom and Alex?"

"Yes! We just went over that!" her face looked shocked, and disbelieving. "Just let me borrow something black at least, and then I'll be out."

"Fine…fine," she said tonelessly, going into her room. She emerged seconds later, carrying a long, strapless black dress. I accepted it, and entered the bathroom, across the hall. The dress fell to my feet, and it was satin, hugging my curves perfectly. There was a tiny black bow right below my breasts, but otherwise it was just a normal dress. I slid on my dirty shoes, and stared at my reflection. I shook my hair in front of my face, and picked up my jeans. Taking out the heroin, I arranged a small line, and rolled a piece of paper into a cylinder. When I had finished, my eyes were glassy, but I no longer felt the pain. I gathered up my previous clothes, and exited the bathroom.

She was still there, looking at the floor. I passed her in the hallway, but she didn't look up, so I kept moving.

--

The weather was mocking the mood of the burial. It was somber, and there were tears pouring from almost every eye. The sun shone brightly, and there was not a cloud in the bright blue sky.

I surveyed the proceedings from a safe distance at first, tossing my jeans and shirt into a dried patch of grass. Ted was there, not showing any expression. Nicole was sobbing, along with the rest of the siblings. Surprisingly, Tony, Jay, and Stacy were all present, which intimidated me. Others in the crowd did not mean anything to me. As I began to approach, the heads turned towards me. Some glared at my interruption, others looked on sadly, and still more didn't take in my presence. Tony grinned mournfully at me, dressed in a clean shirt and jeans; Stacy motioned for me to stand with them, his blond hair shining; and Jay stared at me apologetically, his eyes communicating the sorrow he felt for me. Phalaine was nearby, and she shook her head in my direction, as though saying she couldn't believe it. Despite all of these reactions, one face I hadn't seen for years stood out to me.

His brown hair was as dirty as it used to be, and his eyes still had a glow to them. I strode straight to his side, admiring my older brother.

The little man who was speaking above the two coffins did not matter to me; all of the things he said were meaningless, and I already knew what good people they were.

Nick shuffled his feet, and stared ahead, past the man and into the deep blue ocean, which the cemetery overlooked. Suddenly, the short man halted in his speech, and stepped down. The sea of black all began whispering, and comforting each other.

"Nice to see you, sis."

He hugged me, and I inhaled the old scent of Egyptian musk. "Look at you, you look great in a dress," he sighed, wiping a tear from his cheek. Then, he chuckled, "You just had to keep the shoes though, huh?"

"How are you?"

He tossed his head from side to side, and grunted slightly. "I can't believe the last time I saw mom, I was screaming at her."

A hard twist occurred in my stomach, and I averted my eyes. "Wait… Why are your eyes all fucked up? You sick? What the fuck are you on?" he growled angrily, shaking my face. I ripped myself away, and put on my abused face.

"That's from crying, you asshole," I lied easily. At that moment, Tony came up to us.

"Kimber, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Mmhmm…" I made a noise in my throat, not daring to give a true answer, for I wasn't even sure why I didn't tell him. Nick was still speculating me, and I knew I had to change the subject.

"Tony, you remember Nick, right?"

"'Course. Hey man, I'm real sorry about this," Tony said, shaking Nick's hand. The topic had once again turned to the deaths, and I couldn't think about it.

"I'm gonna take a walk," I stated, departing from the burial, and down the barren sidewalk, which lead to the pier.

As I walked, I watched the black satin flash back and forth, contrasting my black and white filthy shoes. I admired the ocean, running my hands through my hair, and thinking of all the memories I had in the water: the salty taste and sting of the salt, and the rhythm of the crashing of waves. My first wave was in that ocean, when I was only six. It was Nick who taught me.

I hadn't thought about Nick in such a long time, it frightened me to realize he helped form the person I was becoming. I was following in his footsteps, and abandoning my life in Venice.

The only comfort I could find in these facts was that I had reasons. I had lost everyone who mattered to me, while Nick still had people who loved him when he left.

I gently sat myself down on a patch of grass by the sidewalk, lay down, and gaped at the sky. My mind was blank, and completely at peace. I could only thank Red Dog.

"Hey," a gruff voice said. I positioned my head so that I could see who was interrupting my time alone, only to have my eyes connect with topaz ones that I had been avoiding. I didn't say anything, allowing him to continue. Instead he plopped himself beside me, and watched the sky also.

Finally, when I could bare it no more, I accused, "What do you want?"

"To talk."

"Then talk. I'm not listening to your shit."

"I've never seen you in a dress like that," he said, disregarding my previous statement.

"It's not mine, dillhole."

"I'm really sorry about Alex and your mom."

"Everyone's saying that. I don't think anyone fucking gets that it does nothing."

"You're just pissed off right now," he snarled.

"I have so many rights to be." He then propped himself up on his elbows and bore down at me. I concentrated on not looking him in the eye.

"You were late," he declared.

"No way," I said sarcastically.

"You know what? I don't care anymore," he bellowed at me, jumping up roughly.

Facing his retreating back, I moaned slowly, "I beat you to that."

Sitting up, I toyed with the ends of Peggy's dress, which had acquired dirt upon it. I swung myself onto my feet, and gazed down at the ocean, one last time.

"Kimber," Tony's voice called, followed by a tight embrace. My arms remained at my side, and I allowed Tony to squeeze me, although I felt no wave of compassion towards him.

"I'm surprised by you," he said. "I thought you'd be taking it harder."

I nodded, unconcerned.

"I'll see you tonight, right? Because, you can't leave, I've thought about it. Without you, fuck, where would we be?"

Despite the kindness in his words, it merely inspired me to push him further away.  
--

--

--

_Knock, knock, knock. _

Stacy's front door swung open, with him staring at me puzzled.

"I saw you were at the funeral," I stated, gliding over the threshold.

"I called Jay and Tony to tell them. Then I broke up with Kathy. You really fucked her nose up."

"Yeah."

"Look, Kimber, you can talk to me about this. You know that right?" he asked sincerely.

"There's nothing to talk about," I said, stepping back. He groaned.

"Look, I'm just here to grab my stuff. Then I'll leave," I informed him, striding in the direction of his room.

"Tony told me you were thinking about doing something like that," Stacy sighed, following me into his room.

"What else has he been telling you?" I questioned vaguely, my eyes roving over his bed, where only two nights ago, things had seemed as though they could get no more complicated.

"It's not like he's talking about you or anything. I think he's just… worried. I am too. You have to stay, especially after what just happened. I'd never forgive myself if you did something, and I didn't stop it."

It was then, that I snapped.

"Why is it, Stace, that whenever something happens to me, you think I'll go crazy? Huh? Can you ever stop fucking freaking out that I'm gonna end up in jail, or whoring it up? Or robbing some place? God, the way you talk about me, you'd think I was some psychopath!"

His eyes widened, and his hands shot up, waving my statements away hurriedly.

"No, no, no, it's not like that at all, I just care about you-"

"Oh!" I cut him off. "You _care _about me," I mocked. "You just want me to stay, that way you can show me off to Jay and Kathy!"

He looked utterly confused. "Wh-what? Kimber, what the fuck are you talking about?"

My mouth gaped open in frustration. Even I did not know what I was talking about. Sometimes, I could work myself up so violently, I forgot what I was saying, and just began screaming. Instead of answering, I spun around, searching for my bag, which I had left there.

It was sitting in a corner of his room, and I raced to it, throwing it over my shoulder, and storming past Stacy.

He chased me to the door, which had been left open, and caught my arm.

"Kimber, you're not serious?" he hoped.

I shook my head, tearing my arm from his grip, and once again, shoving away a person who cared about me.

--

I was still carrying my bag, when I approached Zephyr. The music was loud enough to hear for miles, and the tiny shop seemed to contain about fifty more people than it's capacity. They were spilling outside, dancing drunkenly, without a care.

I had not noticed the darkness that had pressed down upon the town, and gazing at the surf shop, dreaded entering. The only motive I had was that Red Dog was in there, and I had finished my supply after my fight with Stacy.

I strode into the sea of people, once again clad in my spider web designed shirt Ted had yelled at me for. That seemed like an eternity ago.

I spotted Skip, staggering around, yelling about the magazine, which I had lost interest in. He was dancing, and giving Montoya a copy. But as quickly as I found him, he disappeared.

I weaved through many people, eventually lounging against an open space of wall.

"Jayboy!" a girl voice shrieked. I turned my head to see Tony, Jay, and Stacy running in, basking in the glory. Jay and Stacy admired the magazine, and Tony's arms had found his way around two girls.

"Hey, Skipper, when are we doin' that spread for People magazine? Tuesday?" he called.

"Yeah, and Stacy's gonna be on Charlie's Angels," Skip slurred, as he suddenly appeared. This was new information to me, and I wondered why he had not mentioned it. Stacy blushed, as I watched in awe.

Chino was yelling, trying to prove to onlookers that he made the Z-boys who they had become. Jay, who was wearing a black bandana, glared. Then, Chino's beautiful girlfriend said something, obviously angering him. I could not hear over the music, but Chino grabbed her arm roughly, dragging her outside.

"Look who showed," Tony greeted from beside me.

"Well, you asked me to," I replied, still searching for Red Dog.

"It makes you not wanna leave, huh?" he grinned.

"Look, I already told you what's happening. Okay?"

His face contorted into one of exasperation, before he spun away from me, and straight into girls desiring autographs.

"Are you Kimber? Kimber Wolffe?" a green eyed boy asked. I nodded.

"Wow, I just wanted to say you look absolutely gorgeous in these pictures," he complimented, holding them out for me to see. In one, I was sitting on the edge of the pool, with my hands behind me, and face turned upward. It was a profile shot, and the sun was shining behind me, making my hair glow. Another, I was halfway bent, smirking at the camera, while simultaneously flipping it off. There were more, but they simply confused me. How could I have been so happy?

"Thanks," I sighed, breathlessly. He appeared bored with me, and waved goodbye, leaving me standing alone once again.

Then, Kathy, Blanca, and Thunder Monkey pranced in, wearing Indian costumes and holding a cake. They began chanting,

"Halfbreed! That's all we ever heard. Halfbreed! How I learned to hate the word. Z-boys on the cover of Skateboard Magazine!" They finished, whipping out fake guns and shooting them. The cake was a replica of the cover shot on the magazine, and Kathy was wearing several layers of makeup to hide the bruising I had inflicted. The sight sickened me. A hand reached out, snatching part of the cake and shoving it in his mouth. It was Red Dog.

I maneuvered myself to him, tapping him on the back.

"Red Dog! I gotta talk to you!" I screamed.

He climbed down off of the table he was perched on, and I led him to a back room with less people.

"I need some more," I stated, not caring to make small talk.

"Already?" he questioned, amazed.

"Yes, do you have any on you?" I rushed.

"Oh, yeah, yeah," he mumbled, searching in his back pocket. Before he pulled his hand back out of his pocket, he glanced around our surroundings, making sure no one was watching. He passed me the baggie, and mouthed, "Pay me later, kay?"

I nodded vigorously, though I knew I was scamming him. He wobbly went back into the open area of Zephyr, as I stuffed the bag into my duffel. My mission completed, I walked through the store, and out into the back, where many were smoking, drinking, and dancing. It was no less crowded.

Somehow, my eyes managed to find Kathy's braided hair, and Jay nuzzling her neck. Suddenly, my breath was caught in my throat, and I halted. That was almost exactly the way he had been with me, although there was something different, something I couldn't place. I stood there, staring with my mouth wide open, when I noticed Stacy watching from right beside them at the drinks table. He had paused halfway through grabbing a cup, and his eyes flickered from hurt, to anger.

It was then I weaved closer, so that I could eavesdrop on the conversation about to ensue. They broke apart, Kathy looking nervous, and Jay bored.

"Hey Stacy," she said shyly. An awkward silence passed, before Kathy left the two. She passed me, and we locked eyes briefly, while she whispered,

"Why would you even bother to show?"

"To see the look on your face when you saw the bitch who fucked your face," I snapped. She raised her eyebrows, but continued moving.

I returned my attention back to the two blonds, who were eyeing each other up, as though they had never been like brothers to one another.

"What's up bro?" Jay asked, purposefully trying to annoy Stacy.

"You couldn't even tell me?" Stacy snarled, taking the bait.

"Dude, I was gonna tell you," Jay brushed it off.

"When? You're my friend," he said sincerely.

"Dude I know and, I love you bro, but… you couldn't handle her."

"And you can?"

"Apparently so," he replied, leaving Stacy alone by the table. For some reason I couldn't explain, I approached Stacy. His back was toward me, so I spoke first.

"Stacy, look, I know I'm not the person you want to see, bu-"

Before I could finish, he whipped around, and for the first time, I witnessed Stacy truly angry.

"So then why are you here?" he growled.

"Um, well, I was gonna s-say," I stuttered, taken off guard. In one swift movement, he grabbed the back of my head, locking our lips in a passionate kiss. He broke off unexpectedly, my mouth still tingling from the contact.

"You don't care about me, Kimber. _You're _here to show me off to Jay and Kathy," he barked, racing away from me, while I stayed there, stunned.

My brain finally sent messages to my legs, and I set off, and out of Zephyr. I realized that was it; my run in Venice had ended, and Stacy was just alerting me.

To my dismay, I wandered straight to the bench Jay was sitting on. Both of us gazed deeply into each other's eyes, relishing the few seconds we had alone. I noticed the specks of regret in the topaz of his eyes. Chino's girlfriend came striding up to Jay, and I slithered into the shadows, his eyes still watching my every movement, until the moment she leaned down upon him. She set herself on his lap, but I didn't care enough to listen to her words. I continued to gape at Jay before the second came, and I knew I had to leave. With one last look at the sparkling topaz, I slinked away.

I didn't know he glanced up, only to receive a sharp pain in his heart, understanding I was really gone.

--

I was never a good driver. At the age of fourteen, when I was only learning how to drive, I totaled a car, ramming it into a basketball pole. Ever since then, my confidence was severely damaged, and my driving suffered, causing me to quit, for fear of hurting anyone.

As I stared at the orange Chevy Blazer in the driveway, I wondered if it would be safer to walk. I had returned, one last time, to my house to steal the truck. Now, standing there, I didn't think I would be able to follow through.

In the back of my mind, it registered that my mother and Alex must have been driving the shabby Toyota when they had died. Not wanting to dwell on that, I clicked open the driver's side door, and threw my bag into the backseat.

Slamming the door, and praying that Ted would not wake, I put the truck in reverse. Nicole always left the key in the ignition, and never locked the door. Her carelessness had finally helped me. I backed away from my home, and slowly drove down the street. Attempting to calm my nerves, I rummaged around for music. Upon seeing my favorite Dylan album, I popped it in.

_It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe._

_Even if you don't know by now._

_And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe._

_It'll never do, somehow. _

_When your rooster crows at the break of dawn,_

_Look out your window and, I'll be gone,_

_You're the reason I'm a travelin' on._

_But don't think twice, it's all right._

A lump formed in my throat, and a burning sensation crept into my eyes as I rumbled down the hill by P.O.P. The memories there were too plentiful, and I vividly recalled Jay and I dancing to Elton John. It was peculiar, because I couldn't remember the day after, but at that moment, the minutes on the beach fell into place.

_It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe,_

_The light I never knowed._

_And it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe,_

_I'm on the dark side of the road._

_But I wish there was something you would do or say,_

_To try and make me change my mind and stay,_

_But we never did too much talkin' anyway._

_But don't think twice, it's all right. _

I was shocked by how quickly I approached the city limits, and a damage old sign that read, 'Come back soon!'

_It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal._

_Like you never done before._

_And it ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal,_

_I can't hear you anymore. _

_I'm a-thinkin' and a-wonderin', walkin' down the road,_

_I once loved a woman, a child I am told,_

_I give her my heart, but she wanted my soul,_

_But don't think twice, it's all right._

The instant I exited the town, I felt something leave me. I almost broke down, but took a deep breath and told myself I couldn't cry. There was no purpose, for no one cared. I vowed to find Hazel, whom couldn't have gotten far, and start a new life; maybe even start going by Azure. I would create a new person, and leave behind this broken girl I had become.

_So long, honeybee._

_Where I'm bound, I can't tell._

_Goodbye is too good a word, babe._

_So I'll just say, fare thee well._

_I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind, _

_You could have done better but I don't mind._

_You just kinda wasted my precious time._

_But don't think twice, it's all right. _

I kept driving long past midnight, until I felt I had gotten far enough. I pulled into an empty parking lot, and carefully parked the Blazer. Killing the engine, I locked the doors and climbed into the back. I prepared a small line for myself, and after I had snorted it, I sprawled out in the back, using my duffel for a pillow.

--

--

--

It doesn't end like that or anything, I've still got a lot to go! Thanks to my three faithful readers, or the three that continually review, xxkpxx, Dawnie-7, and madelineex3!

Next chapter will hopefully not take forever, because I was just stressed, and my dumbass computer sucks!


	15. new faces, same masochist

I had traveled from Venice, to Moss Beach, through Montara, out of Pacifica, and had finally reached Southern San Francisco. I reasoned that Hazel, or people who would know her, would reside there.

It had taken two weeks to make it, and what I did to get there would not be looked on with pride.

After I left that first parking lot, I realized just how far I had to go, and how expensive gas was. Whenever possible, I would only go to the gas stations where I could manually rewind the price. For food, I would scope out a diner that appeared friendly, and play upon the little bit of good nature humanity possessed. But, the one time I had run out of money, and needed a fix, I sunk to the level of selling sex for dope money. It was not intentional, and happened on accident. The night this occurred, I could not sleep. It was the night I lost all my dignity, and every detail was burned into my mind. It was the Monday of the second week, and I had pulled into a parking lot next to a bar called 'Mohawk.'

I sat on a stool, staring fixated at the wooden bar.

"This seat taken?" a rough voice asked. I slowly turned to look at him. He had dark hair, and dark eyes. His hair was shorter than most of the guys I had known, but still attractive. He had broad shoulders, and tan skin. I smiled the first smile in days, it feeling fake and foreign upon my lips. He took this as a yes, and I examined his movements. He seemed confident, and like he had hit on several girls in bars before. This unsettled me, and the thought of him being older, much older, occurred to me.

"You gonna buy me a drink?" I asked, my voice hoarse from not talking in so long.

He chuckled, and eyed me up. I reasoned he was probably trying to guess my exact age, which always had been a problem, for I appeared older. Without removing his gaze, he called, his voice rich in a Boston accent,

"Bartender, two shots of tequila."

"What are you doing on the West Coast?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

He paused, before saying, "My job involves me traveling. You probably know about this skateboarding phenomenon, right?"

As he said this, the bartender placed two shots, filled to the brim with tequila, in front of us. I took this opportunity to take it, not wanting to respond. He smirked when I didn't flinch.

"Go on."

"Anyways, I write for this magazine, and am supposed to publish an article on them. So I'm headed to this 'Venice Beach' or whatever, where it's supposed to have become a really big thing."

"Are you looking for a certain team?"

"Uh, not a team, moreso some key skaters, or whatever the fuck they're called. I really don't wanna interview some punkass kids."

"I wouldn't either."

"And what brings you here?"

"I grew up… well, I'm originally from here," I lied.

"Never left?"

"Sort of."

Somehow, our conversation continued on with meaningless flirts, and I became more entranced with his accent by the second. After our fourth shot, things were starting to spin, and I was beginning to open up. I caught myself laughing at his comments, and he was now more openly admiring my lips. We would touch each other like we had known each other our whole lives, but had yet to kiss. I learned he grew up in a very Jewish home in Boston, but still could not get an exact age. It didn't matter much to me though. I made up some ridiculous tale about how I grew up in San Francisco, and loved it too much to leave. Somewhere after the sixth shot, we both halted.

"What?" I questioned, a smirk on my lips.

"I just realized I don't even know your name," he stated, gazing at me.

"Kimber," I told him, not bothering to lie. "Yours?"

"Eli," he smiled.

"You wanna get out of here?" I asked coyly. He chuckled, and threw some money on the bar, waving to the bartender, who nodded.

We strolled out of the bar, clumsily, and to his car. I had no idea what it was, but even in the moonlight, it was sleek and shiny.

He unlocked it, and I jumped in the passenger seat. The second he got in the car, a fire erupted in both of us. I don't know if it was because of the lack of human contact, or my drunken foolishness, but I wanted him badly. It was passionate, and insanely rough. For some reason, I found this sexy. When he took off his shirt, I realized I would go crazy over a guy with nice arms.

A little over an hour later, we lay in the backseat of the car, with his arms around me.

"Come with me to Venice," he stated, staring at me. "Then after that, you can come back to Boston with me, and I can quit, and we can just travel. Wouldn't that be nice?"

I laughed, "Eli, you don't even know me."

"I could get to know you," he countered, pecking me on the lips.

"I can't," I sighed, and began moving to put on my clothes. I had slid on my underwear and fastened my bra when he said,

"Why?"

"I have a life, and as of now, no money."

He looked at me sympathetically. "So that's a no?"

"That's a no."

We dressed in silence. When we had finished, I turned my face to him, and kissed him gently.

"Here," he gasped, handing me a wad of money.

"What's this for?"

"Well, you said you're broke, so I figured you'd need a little something."

My eyes widened as I flipped through it. He had handed me 700 dollars.

--

--

In retrospect, he might not have been paying me for the sex, but that's what I saw it as.

That night, I hit up a Dope shop with some of the money.

The next morning, I headed further into San Francisco. After three days of no Hazel, I began to think I had missed her. I was only spending my money on alcohol, weed, and heroin, but was forgetting to eat. Finally, I stopped being so selective with my cash, and entered a small diner one night. I sat down at a booth by myself, and ordered a sandwich. The waitress looked annoyed with me, as though I had caused her harm by sitting down. When she left, my head swarmed with thoughts of Jay, Tony, Kathy, Stacy, Peggy, Alex, my mother, Sid, and Eli. All of their faces were fresh and painful in my mind. I ran my hands through my dirty hair, and glanced in the window.

It was dark outside, so I could see my reflection. My hair was greasy and hung around my face. My eyes seemed bigger, as though they were half of my face, and I barely noticed anything else about me. I disgusted myself. While I was gazing at the window, a face I couldn't distinguish popped up against the glass, making me jump. As quickly as it came, the person left the window, and entered the diner.

It was a young boy, with sun streaked brown hair, and bright green eyes. He hit my table as he passed, and slid into the booth opposite me. I raised my eyebrows at his confidence.

"Yes?"

"Sorry I scared you," he smirked, leaning back in the booth.

At that moment, the young and blond waitress, whom was so annoyed with me, sidled up to the table, throwing down my plate, and smiling at the boy.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked flirtatiously.

"Nah I'm good," he replied, glancing at her, and looking back at me. She rolled her eyes, and stomped away.

I immediately shoved the sandwich into my mouth, chewing loudly.

"What do you want?" I said, the food still in my mouth.

"Your name."

"Kimber," I told him. I inwardly cursed myself at that moment, and stuttered out, "I-I mean… Azure."

"What?"

"Azure."

"No shit, my friend knows an Azure."

"Really?"

"Yep," he grinned, leaning towards me. "My name is Alex."

I nearly choked. My eyes began to water, and my face became red, as I forced the enormous bite I so regretted down my throat. When I finished, I gasped for air. He stared at me, clearly amused.

"What? My name makes you choke up?" he slurred. It was then I realized he had been drinking, for I caught a waft of whiskey.

"No, I just can't handle how much you reek," I snapped. His eyebrows furrowed.

Just then, the diner door opened again. A group of people danced inside, and approached Alex.

"Hey, we wondered where you went," a pretty red haired girl said, sliding in next to him, and pecking him on the cheek.

"Yeah man. We thought you'd been arrested," a raven-haired boy laughed.

"We hoped," a blue-eyed boy, who was slouching, and had a mean face, snickered.

"Azure?" a tinkling voice asked. I couldn't see the source, until she pushed aside the two boys. Her grey eyes were dancing in the light, and my heart skipped a beat.

"Hazel?"

"I knew you would find me," she said, smiling at me, and gracefully sitting down next to me. Her frail body barely made an impact upon the hard plastic of the booth.

"This is Opal," she indicated the red haired girl, who was grinning at me. "Ryvre," she chimed, pointing at the black haired boy, who waved devilishly at me. "Dylan," the hard looking guy tilted his head upward at me. "And you've met Alex."

"Everyone, this is Azure. I've told you about her."

Dylan sat on the opposite booth, and Ryvre slid in next to Hazel, stretching his arm around her.

"Where have you been?" she questioned.

"Around," I sighed, glad to have finally found a familiar face.

"I knew someone would find you. You like her, right Alex?"

"'Course."

"You better not have been flirting with her," Opal growled.

"I wasn't babe."

The blond waitress strode up to the table once again, and handed the check to me. Ryvre intercepted it, and gave the waitress ten dollars, winking at her. Everyone slowly stood, and Hazel tugged lightly on my arm. We walked outside, into the crisp and cold air, to a Volkswagen van.

"Oh, my cars over there," I informed them.

Hazel glanced at Dylan, and sweetly said,

"Will you drive her? I have to tell Alex where to go."

I noticed as she said this, that Ryvre's arm slinked around her tiny waist, and wondered what they were to each other. Dylan looked at me, his icy blue eyes sizing me up, and responded,

"Sure. To the park?"

"Yes." Hazel then freed herself from Ryvre, and whispered in my ear, "Dylan's a little rough, but you'll love him." She then backed away, and disappeared into the van. The van spun out of the lot, with the Beatles blasting.

I led Dylan to my truck, and he hopped in the drivers seat. I slid in the passenger seat, and rested my head. I was fed, had found Hazel, and would scope out a Dope shop later. It had been a successful night.

He started the engine, and 'Corrina, Corrina' immediately began playing.

_Corrina, Corrina,_

_Gal, where you been so long?_

_Corrina, Corrina, Gal, where you been so long?_

_I been worr'in' 'bout you, baby,_

_Baby, please come home._

_I got a bird that whistles,_

_I got a bird that sings._

_I got a bird that whistles,_

_I got a bird that sings._

_But I ain' a-got Corrina,_

_Life don't mean a thing._

_Corrina, Corrina,_

_Gal, you're on my mind._

_Corrina, Corrina,_

_Gal, you're on my mind._

_I'mma sittin down thinkin of you, baby,_

_I just can't keep from crying._

We drove in silence for a while, and I wondered if he was tired, or just didn't want to talk.

"So…" I tried. "Where are you from?"

"New York," he grunted.

"I've never been there."

A moment passed, then he said,

"I was named after Bob Dylan."

I nodded. Suddenly, he chuckled.

"Ah, we've got a copper on our ass. They've got a record on me a mile long. Those bastards." It was the first time I saw him smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. It occurred to me how odd it was that the people in the car and Dylan were close. They appeared so very different. I absorbed his clothes. He was wearing a worn leather jacket, and jeans.

The others had worn clothes embedded with flowers and peace signs.

"Where are you from?" he asked, taking his attention off of the cop that had turned.

"Venice."

"How'd you meet Hazel?"

"In a bar… Lemme ask you a question." I stated, tucking my legs underneath my body, and turning to face him. "What's going on between everyone? Are Opal and Alex together?"

"Yeah, they've been together for a while now."

"And Ryvre and Hazel?"

"They're in love, not together."

"Huh?" I wondered, confused.

"They can leave at any time, but choose to not label their relationship. It's weird, but you'll catch on."

"And you?"

He grinned. "I don't believe in relationships." A second passed, and then, "What about yourself?"

"I believe in fucking."

He laughed.

"What's your poison?"

"Dope."

"Damn, bitch. That's some serious shit."

"Do you know where a shop is? I'm out," I said hurriedly, hoping he wouldn't label me a junkie.

He turned to me and nodded.

"Yours?" I asked him.

"The same."

"Then why'd you tell me it's serious?"

"Because it is. Are you shooting?"

"Nah," I replied. "Are you?"

He didn't respond, and I took it as a yes. I had never injected heroin, and had no desire to. Needles had always been a fear of mine.

"Your lucky, because I have some at the place, so you can use it," he offered. I grinned broadly.

"Thanks."

He set his stare on the road once again, but I couldn't stop talking. "How much farther?"

"Not long."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-one."

"Do you have siblings?"

"Do you shut up?"

"Sorry," I apologized. I was a nervous, and overly excited wreck.

We reached the park, and drove around it, to what seemed to be an abandoned neighborhood. We swerved down one street, and at the end of it was a house. On the outside hung a peace sign, and it was a mess. He stopped the car in front of it, and grabbed my duffel from the backseat. I followed him down the sidewalk and into the beaten down commune.

--

Months passed, and I had become a member of the family. They accepted me. I fit in well with Hazel and Opal, and Ryvre and Alex loved me. I figured out their relationships, and appreciated them, for their lack of fighting. The house always reeked of pot, and I was surprised we hadn't been arrested. Many people came in and out of the house, and I always enjoyed their company. There was no responsibility, or call to do anything. They were the most peaceful months of my life.

Dylan was in and out of the house. When I first arrived, he had taken off for three weeks. Then, he returned for a month, and left again. On this certain day, he was at the house.

I awoke to find a shirtless boy in my bed, his light brown hair messy. I climbed out of the sheets, and slid into my sweatpants and a shirt lying on the ground. I wandered into the kitchen, where Opal and Hazel were sitting, smoking a bowl.

"Who was the lucky guy last night?" Opal greeted me.

"Don't remember his name," I grinned, taking a hit.

"Tell her," Hazel urged Opal.

"Dylan's back," she gave in. I blew out a stream of smoke.

"So?" I choked.

"We're all going out for his return," Hazel informed me, standing up and moving to record player.

The boy who was sleeping in my bed suddenly darted from the room, and out the door.

"I didn't pick up a good vibe from him," Hazel said to no one in particular, as Janis Joplin's cover of A Woman Left Lonely began to play.

_A woman left lonely will soon grow tired of waiting,_

_She'll do crazy things, yeah, on lonely occasions._

_A simple conversation for the new men now and again,_

_Makes a touchy situation when a good face come into your head._

_And when she gets lonely, she's thinking 'bout her man, _

_She knows he's taking her for granted, yeah yeah,_

_Honey, she doesn't understand, no, no, no!_

Ryvre and Alex entered the kitchen, accompanied by Dylan. I sat myself down on the floor and leaned my head back, adoring Janis' raspy voice.

_Well, the fevers of the night, they burn an unloved woman, _

_Yeah, those red-hot flames try to push old love aside._

_A woman left lonely, she's the victim of her man, yes she is._

_When he can't keep up his own way, good Lord,_

_She's got to do the best that she can, yeah!_

_A woman left lonely, Lord, that lonely girl,_

_Lord, Lord, Lord!_

As the song drifted off, I positioned myself upon my feet, and walked to the room I slept in. Clothes were strewn about the floor, and I could not decipher which were mine, and which weren't. As I was standing there, three knocks resounded in the room.

"Can I come in?" Dylan asked, leaning on the doorway.

"Yeah, sure."

While he was walking in, he said slyly, "Now I know where I knew you from." He then plopped himself on the bed, crossing his legs.

"Huh?" I wondered.

"You were in skateboard magazine a while back, right?" he growled, his blue eyes glinting.

I turned my face to the ground, and didn't answer.

"I knew it!" he cheered, triumphantly. "Those were hot pictures, babe."

"Ah, fuck that."

--

Hours later, our small group had grown sufficiently, and we were heading down the sidewalk to our favorite club. It was a colorful, psychedelic place, which consistently played good music. Also, they had never carded me, a fact I prided myself on, for I was only sixteen.

Dylan had scored some Heroin, and before leaving he had shot up, and let me do a line. Happily high, I pranced into the club, and allowed many guys to dance with me. After a few beers and four shots, I was a little drunk, and when Girl came on, I squealed. Opal slid her arms around my waist, and we began dancing very rambunctiously, which was rare, and didn't fit with the songs pace.

Dylan came out of nowhere, and smiled,

"Do you mind if I steal her for a second?" The dopey smile on his face told me he was as tipsy as I.

"Not at all," Opal slurred. He took me by the hands, and wrapped them around his neck, as his own arms snaked around my waist.

_Is there anybody going to listen to my story,_

_About the girl who came to stay?_

_She's the kind of girl you want so much,_

_It makes you sorry,_

_Still you don't regret a single day._

_A girl._

_Girl._

_Girl._

"I don't understand you at all. Who are you, Azure?" he slowly said, leaning his forehead against my own.

"I'm no one," I ginned. "Who are you Dylan? I don't even know your last name."

"I don't either," he smirked.

_When I think of all the times I've tried so hard to leave her,_

_She will turn to me and start to cry._

_And she promises the earth to me,_

_And I believe her._

_After all this time, _

_I don't know why._

_A girl._

_Girl._

_Girl._

"Maybe it's best we don't know each other," I purred.

"You wouldn't like the real me."

"I could say the same.

_She's the kind of girl who puts you down,_

_When friends are there,_

_You feel like a fool._

_When you say she's looking good,_

_She acts as if it's understood._

_She's cool, cool, cool, cool._

_A girl._

_Girl._

_Girl._

I stroked his brown hair, and gazed into his icy eyes. They so reminded me of miniscule glaciers floating, with a black hole in the middle.

The bottom half of his face was moving closer to mine, and before I knew it, his soft lips were touching mine, and I was enjoying it.

_Was she told when she was young that pain would lead to pleasure?_

_Did she understand it when they said,_

_That a man must break his back to earn his day of leisure?_

_Will she still believe it when he's dead?_

_A girl._

_Girl._

_Girl._

We broke apart, and the song ended. We remained standing there, staring into each other's eyes, until I grabbed his hand, and led him out of the club, and back to the commune.

--

When I awoke the next morning, I felt an extreme instance of déjà vu. Toned arms were wrapped around my naked body as golden sunlight poured into the messy room. I immediately thought I was dreaming, and I would spin around to see Jay's sleeping face. Then, all the painful thoughts surged back, and I pushed them to the back of my mind as I climbed out of bed.

Sliding on a floor length skirt and tank top, I glanced at Dylan, and couldn't believe I might have been falling for some one, yet again.

--

--

--

Sorry this one is so short, and took so long! But with school and everything, I've been hard pressed to find time to write.

Review, pretty please!

-lette.


	16. a ghost of the past

Dawnie-7, Pacifica is close to my heart too! My mother was from there, so I spent some childhood years there.

Anyways, thanks for the reviews, I know I say it every time, but they really just make my life.

By the way, down in this chapter is NOT the bar fight scene from the movie. This one is different.

--

--

--

There is that great urban myth that suicide rates increase over the holidays. In reality, they decrease.

Christmas time was approaching alarmingly fast, and I found myself severely depressed. I was snorting more dope each day, and Dylan was beginning to pick up on my distant persona.

I had never known a person like Dylan. He never wanted to speak about his past, yet was always trying to get me to talk about my own. He had been abandoned his whole life, and clung to me with surprising force. If I so much as went off with Hazel for a few days, he would do everything in his power to get in touch with me. He was intense and passionate, and always had weed, heroin, or mushrooms on him. I had never noticed, but he had tattoos on his forearms, wrists, and one stretching down his back. They all stood for something I soon found out; each possessed it's own depressing story. He had no family, wasn't sure what his name really was, and always looked upon everyone in a cynical matter.

We enjoyed being cynics together.

We began spending every second together, and he was very possessive of me. We could get into raging arguments about the fact that I wouldn't let him know the 'real me' and somehow, end up having crazy sex afterwards.

The day of Christmas Eve, a group of us had all gone camping. I awoke in the bright sunlight to a chilly day, with wet dew soaking through my dress. Dylan was right next to me, shivering. I examined the intricate design on his upper arm, which I had discovered symbolized his friend who had committed suicide by overdosing.

Crawling out from under his grasp and out into the brisk morning light, I blinked several times. Wasn't it supposed to be a 'white Christmas?' I had never seen one. The wooded area we had slept in stretched around a small beautiful pond that we had swam in the previous night. Bending down and throwing on Dylan's long black jacket and my scarf, I set off on a walk around the pond.

All I could think about was my gate shot I had yet to retrieve. My head pounded from last night, and my feet were freezing. Glancing back at the area where we had fallen asleep I saw Opal and Alex lying in a huddle, while Ryvre and Hazel had snuck off into the woods. Dylan's eyes were open, and he was watching me, watching him, from across the pond that glinted with the golden color of the sunlight. He stood up, put on his leather jacket, and walked to the edge of the pond, across from me. We stared at each other for a long time, until Opal woke up, and the moment was tarnished. I made my way back to them, and we decided to go to the commune and rest.

--

--

When our van pulled up to the commune, there was a wreath hanging upon the door that someone had weaved.

"What, another admirer of Hazel's?" Opal joked, fingering the red bow upon it.

"Well, if it is, they should know I'm a theist," Hazel replied simply.

We strode inside, and I went straight to the bed in the front room, which was just a lot of pillows in a pile, and set myself down. Immediately, I noticed my heavenly pillow. I bent over and inhaled deeply: sandalwood.

"_And?"_

"_I got your shit. It's all your clothes, and your favorite feather pillow."_

"Azure," Dylan's rough voice entered my uncharacteristic flashback. My eyes shot open, and my head flew away from the pillow.

"What?"

He gently took my hand and led me to our room. He began to prepare himself a shot of dope, and threw me the bag so I could snort some. I lifted it up to eyesight, and looked at Dylan.

"How different is it?" I asked.

"What, sleeping on heroin? It's nice, but sorta pointless," he laughed.

"No, no… I mean, shooting than snorting."

He paused, and scrutinized me. "Azure, this isn't a fucking joke."

"Is it amazing?"

"Look-"

"Is it worth it?"

"Why do you get like this? I don't want you rashly deciding to do this! Jesus, I wish you would stop being so fucking curious! It makes me feel weird even shooting up in front of you!" he yelled.

"You can't talk to me about that, you fucking hypocrite! If I wanna shoot up, I'm gonna shoot up!" I screamed back.

"You don't understand!"

"Really? I don't understand? You can go to hell!" I was grumpy from the long drive home, and lack of heroin in my system.

"Real mature, real mature," he mumbled, inserting the heroin into a syringe. I watched in awe as he did this, and he noticed. Not bothering to tell me to look away, as he normally did, he pulled up his jacket sleeve, tied a shoestring above the bend of his elbow, and pushed the needle into the clearly visible vein. A small dot of blood appeared as his eyes rolled in satisfaction. Removing the needle and the shoestring, he wiped off the blood without realizing it was even there. He admired me with loving eyes, and I craved to know what the experience was like. Gliding over to me, he wrapped his arms around my lower back and kissed me.

"I don't wanna fight," he murmured into my neck. I shoved him away.

"Well, I don't either. But you can't pretend like it'll never happen," I snarled, exiting the room. Storming through the place and out the front door, I thundered down the sidewalk, not sure where I was going. I heard Dylan chasing after me, which forced me to start sprinting.

"Azure, Azure! Wait!" he yelled from behind me. The cold was whipping my hair around my face and stinging every inch of my skin. I cut through many alleys, and dove down different streets, until I came upon a bar with neon signs. I slowed my pace, and stared into the window. It seemed as though the people inside were ones who despised the movement I was with. They were the ones who wore all black, and hated peace and love. It was not the bar I should have entered, but decided to push the door open and head to the bar.

The bartender glared at me.

"What the fuck you doing in here, flower child?"

"I just need a drink."

"We don't serve hippie freaks."

"Man, I would never say something like that about you," I stated, not really knowing how to respond. He rolled his eyes, and turned away from me.

I didn't recognize the music at all; I could only decipher screaming. I remained where I was standing, examining all the fast movements and mohawks. For the first time in several months, I felt awkward. I became very aware of my hands hanging lamely at my sides. I was receiving very odd looks, and a lot of middle fingers.

"Hey, beatnik, what you doing here?" a raspy voice hissed in my ear. I slowly turned around and saw an enormous man with a shaved head two inches from my face. It sent chills down my spine that he was so close to me. I averted my eyes from him, and locked them on a television in the corner of the bar. Without really watching, I stared. Then, familiar pictures began to register in my head. Moving closer, I realized it was the news report, and P.O.P. was being reported on. Listening carefully, I strained to hear what the newscaster was saying.

"Last night, Pacific Ocean Pier Park burned to the ground. This is one of many fires of the park that have occurred since it's opening in 1967. In other news-"

I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't think. This was too much. The photographs that had been shown were of the pier lying in ruins and ashes. My body froze. Somebody shoved me, and I tripped and fell to the cold floor. I wanted to lie there forever; P.O.P. was gone, and was nothing but a memory. Tony, Jay, Stacy, and I would never walk that pier again. A hot tear leaked out of my eye and hit the stone floor.

Suddenly, a sharp kick to my ribcage jolted me out of my thoughts. I lost my breath, and rolled over to my back, gasping for air, and trying not to focus on the pangs in my side.

"Get the hell away from her," I heard Dylan hiss.

"What you gonna do, huh?"

I then picked myself up, only to see Dylan tackle the huge bald man, and begin punching him fiercely. Blood ran down the strangers face, and covered Dylan's fists.

"Stop! Stop!" I shrieked, trying to pull Dylan off. The shaven man's friends pushed me back to the floor, and were more successful in ripping Dylan away. They then proceeded to forcibly remove him from the bar and out into the streets, where they then threw him to the ground and started kicking him in the face, stomach, and sides. I followed, and started panicking. They would kill him.

"No! No, please stop! Fuck, stop it!" I screeched. I leaped through a gap between the three men, and hovered over Dylan's limp body. The blows were now hitting me. I hoped I would die, and allow this pain to be over with; I could not stand it. My eyes fluttered open and close, between consciousness and unconsciousness. My breath was coming out in short breaths, but I could feel Dylan stirring underneath me. I felt my body hit the pavement, and witnessed Dylan's blurry image stand up, and whip out a blade. It was long, and glinted in the light of the neon signs. The three men retreated, swearing and yelling at us.

His strong arms slid under my back and legs, and hoisted me close to his chest. I knew we were moving, but did not have the willpower to open my eyes. It seemed like seconds later when he laid my down in a soft patch of grass. I then opened my eyes wide, and took in his wounds.

His beautiful face was smeared with blood, and his nose seemed to have been broken again. His lower lip was busted, and his shirt was ripped in several spots.

"Azure, I need to take you somewhere. You look bad," he told me softly, touching my cheek, which immediately stung.

"No, no, Dylan, I am so sorry," I choked out. "If I wasn't so god damned stupid, you wouldn't be hurt!"

He grinned, but it did not reach his eyes. "I've seen people bleed to death. Don't think I don't know my injuries aren't as severe."

I let this fact soak in as I looked at him sympathetically.

--

After our conversation, Dylan and I had walked home in the setting sun, saying nothing.

When we returned to the house, everyone began to fuss over us. Hazel and Opal tried to clean our wounds, while Ryvre and Alex convinced us to smoke three bowls for the pain. Dylan and I didn't speak much, but allowed them to do whatever they felt necessary.

Finally, we entered our room and collapsed on the bed. His arms were wrapped around my bruised body. After a while, I spoke.

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry I let you run away."

"That's not your fault."

He paused. "Why were you on the floor?"

"I fell."

"It didn't have anything to do with whatever you were watching?" he asked.

"How-how did you know that?"

"I saw you."

"Well, the news always freaks me out," I lied.

"Stop making things up," he growled, his eyes bright with fire. "It was about the fire, right?" I blinked, which he took as a yes. "Why was that important to you?"

I sighed, and waited. "I learned how to surf there," I mumbled quickly.

He nodded, and stopped questioning me.

"Wh-who did you see… die?" I stuttered.

He didn't respond. "Get some sleep, Azure."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. His face had moved closer to mine, when he quietly said, "I love you," and shut his sparkling eyes.

My chest clenched up, and heart began to race. Love was such a strong word, one I had never used.

--

The next morning, my entire body ached. Dylan was no longer in the bed with me. I tried to sit up, but a gasp escaped my lips and the pain was too intense. Turning my head to the side, I noticed a card with three mermaids on the front. I picked it up, and stared at the beautiful sketch. Two of the mermaids were propped on rocks, ahead of the third, which they were staring at, obscuring their faces from view; both had long dark hair. The third mermaid they were looking at had long brown hair also, and my facial features. Her body was even the same shape as mine. He had drawn me. Flipping it over, I saw Dylan's untidy scrawl:

"_To be alone with you, _

_Just you and me, _

_Now won't you tell me true, _

_Ain't that the way it oughta be? _

_To hold each other tight. _

_The whole night through, _

_Ev'rything is always right, _

_When I'm alone with you._

_To be alone with you,_

_At the close of the day, _

_With only you in view, _

_While evening slips away, _

_It only goes to show, _

_That while life's pleasures be few, _

_The only one I know, _

_Is when I'm alone with you._

_They say that nighttime is the right time. _

_To be with the one you love, _

_Too many thoughts get in the way in the day. _

_But you're always what I'm thinkin' of. _

_I wish the night were here, _

_Bringin' me all of your charms, _

_When only you are near, _

_To hold me in your arms._

_I'll always thank the Lord, _

_When my working day's through,_

_I get my sweet reward. _

_To be alone with you."_

_Azure, I don't have the talent to actually write this piece of art, but I hope you can appreciate it. Your eyes are capable of melting my heart away, and I could play with your long hair all day. Please, don't ever leave me._

_I love you, Dylan._

Glancing up from the card, I saw the rose lying on the pillow also. I took it gently, and inhaled the sweet smell of a rose. Shutting my eyes, I decided I would never remark on the card, for I would not know what to say.

--

I awoke very late that day, and remembered it was Christmas. Loud noises were echoing into the room I slept in from the front room, and I forced myself to wander outside. I saw a gathering of people, all obviously tripping. Dylan was not among them. Going into the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of him, bruised and cut up, speaking with Alex in hushed voices. A lump formed in my throat, and I ran back to my room, grabbed a jacket, and pulled the hood over my face.

As quietly as possible, I opened the front door, and headed out into the cold night. Everything hurt, and with every step, a sharp pang was sent through my body. I was walking for a long time, until I found the area we had been beaten last night. Staring at the spot on the cement, I could almost feel the kicks to my side again. Glancing up, I caught my reflection. It looked terrible; I had a black eye, large gashes on my cheeks, and my lip was busted. Not being able to look at myself any longer, I leaned against a wall and pulled a cigarette out from the coat. After I lit it, my nerves began to calm.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash, and the window of the bar shattered, as men poured through, engaged in a vicious battle. From the left ran some younger guys, about my age, who joined in the fight. It disgusted me, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. The band was still playing, loving every second of it.

Then, a boy with dirty blond hair crawled out of the crowd and to the sidewalk I was watching from. He was wearing a black bandana, and looked as though he had been shaken up.

"Man, this is why war is a hideous business," I moaned, not really caring if he listened or not.

"You don't know shit, hippie," he grunted, standing up and facing me. "What the fuck happened to your face?"

"Some of these guys decided it would be fun to bash it in," I told him, still not looking at him. He was silent for a while, and I thought it would be safe to take a look at him. My heart skipped a beat, and my breath got caught somewhere in my throat. It was Jay: the dirty blond hair, the olive skin, and those topaz eyes.

"Jay?" I exclaimed. He speculated me for a moment, and then gasped in shock.

"Kimber?" I nodded once, slowly. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"I already told you what happened. What are you doing here?"

He chose not to answer. "Did you hear about the pier?"

"Yeah," I sighed. He shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"Sid's got brain cancer. A tumor. The doctors are gonna operate soon." He said gruffly, not looking me in the eye.

"No…" I groaned. "You're serious?"

"Yeah."

We stood there silently.

"How's Tony? And Stacy?" I said, changing the subject.

"Famous."

"And Kathy?" I asked. He didn't seem amused.

"We're still together."

"Haven't cheated on her with a skanky whore yet, huh?" I snapped. He stared at his feet.

"I hear you're a junkie," he countered. It was my turn to look at the sidewalk. But then, I regained my dignity, and picked my head up.

"Well, it was nice seeing you." I said. He looked startled, as though he didn't expect me to leave so soon.

"Where are you going?"

"Dylan will be worried if I'm gone too long, especially after last night."

"Who?" He questioned.

"Dylan. My boyfriend. I'd invite you to meet him, but I don't want to," I growled.

"Merry Christmas," I then said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Spinning around and throwing my cigarette butt down, I allowed the tears to fall silently and freely. A ghost from my past reappearing, only to bring horrible news about Sid, and to inform me I was still madly in love with him.

As I walked away from Jay that night, I would never know he came looking for me. After all, Dylan had been perfect to me; there was no reason to give Jay a second thought.

--

Sorry this was short, I wanted to get it up around this time of year!

Review please!!!

-lette.


	17. home

Hello again! If I even still have any readers, I wouldn't blame you for not coming back to read this chapter. I'm incredibly sorry it took about a YEAR to write again. Let me explain: I had this journal I wrote the next two chapters in and I had lost it. I'm so lazy I actually waited around for it to show up again, instead of rewriting the chapters. So I finally came upon the ambition to just rewrite them.

* * *

I needed a couple lines. That's all I could think about after my run in with Jay. I strode down the darkened streets alone, until I reached the house. Pausing to wipe my tears before I entered, I inhaled deeply. I wanted my mother; all I had was dope.

As I walked into the house, I tried not to think about Sid. Sid, the boy with the most sincere heart I would ever know. He didn't deserve this. Out of the group of friends, I deserved to have a deadly disease. I shut the bedroom door behind me, and crawled under the blankets of Dylan's bed.

I missed my old friends. I missed Peggy, with her soft eyes and nice smile; I missed Skip and his drunken swagger; I missed Tony's wild expressions and bouncy curls; I missed Stacy's honesty and pure heart. I missed Jay.

I could almost smell the salty air of the pier and feel the hot sand beneath my feet. I could see the blue hues of the ocean, and hear the peaceful crashing of the waves. Then I remembered that the pier had burned down. Everything I used to know had been ripped apart. I had pushed my friends away, lost my mother and brother, and the only place I had called home had burned down.

I heard the creak of the door, and shut my eyes quickly.

"Azure," Dylan's rough voice said. I felt him join me on the bed. His hand grazed my cheek. "Goodnight," he whispered, kissing my forehead and putting his arms around me.

I was revolted. I wished he wouldn't kiss me, and treat me like I mattered.

I was more revolted with myself though. Dylan had been great to me, and all I wanted was Jay.

* * *

I lay in that bed for three days following. I didn't have the energy to move. I could hear everyone in the house, and their conversations. Hazel would bring me bowls to smoke in bed, and Dylan prepared my lines. On the third afternoon I was in the bed, Dylan announced to me he was leaving for a while.

"What?" I croaked. My voice was hoarse from lack of use.

"I gotta go see someone. I'll be back soon."

"Fine," I sighed. He slid on his jacket, gave me a kiss goodbye, and was off. This didn't matter to me; I had stopped caring. I closed my eyes, and fell into a light slumber.

* * *

A week later, I was still in that same bed. Dylan hadn't returned yet, and I spent almost all of my time sleeping. There had been a lack of heroin around the house lately, due to Dylan's absence. I awoke one day to a loud knocking on our door.

_Bang, Bang, Bang._

"Come in!" Opals voice chimed.

My eyes cracked open. I cursed whoever decided to knock on our door so loudly and awake me from my nap. I rolled over, trying to block out the noise.

"Um… Hi," a nervous voice said. It was a startling familiar voice. I sat up.

"Hello," Opal replied. "What's your name?"

"Uh… I'm Stacy. I was wondering if you knew if Kimber Wolffe was here?"

My heart skipped a beat. I slowly got out of the bed, and tip-toed to the door. I peeked out to watch their conversation. Opal was sitting in Alex's lap, and watching Stacy curiously, who was standing awkwardly far away.

"I'm sorry, there's no Kimber here," Alex smiled.

"Oh okay… Well, thanks anyway," Stacy responded, and turned around with a quick wave. I slowly walked out of my room, and reached the front room as he shut the door. I glided out after him. He was already out of our yard. At the sound of me closing the door he glanced back, and did a double take. He froze in the middle of the street, as we both stared at each other.

"Kimber?" he asked. I nodded. I didn't think I could open my mouth; I was clenching my jaw so I wouldn't cry.

"You look… different," he told me, while walking to me. I looked down at the ground, until he reached me. He touched my arm gently, as if he was making sure I was real. I swallowed the lump in my throat and regained myself.

"Hi," I said quietly, looking up at him. His eyes were just as blue as I remembered them. I threw my arms around his neck and he swung his around me. I'll never know how long we stood there, holding each other tightly.

"Come inside," I finally said, pulling him into the house.

I led him into my bedroom, and sat on the bed. He awkwardly hovered over the bed, and I laughed silently.

"Dude, you can sit down."

He obeyed, and then spoke, "What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I don't know Kimber, you take off without telling anyone where you're going, you didn't even resign from the team, and we didn't know whether you were dead or alive…"

I sat in shocked silence. "Stace, I-I couldn't tell anyone. I didn't want anyone finding me."

"You shoulda known you could've came to me, or any of the team. We all love you, you know that right?"

"Look, man, it just… I had to leave. It was my time. Besides, you've all moved on. And you guys woulda moved on even if I was still there," I muttered.

He paused, and then replied, "I wouldn't have. I would've stayed with you, or gone with you, just been with you. Kimber, I-I… nevermind." His blue eyes frantically looked around the room to distract him, and landed on the mouse that scampered across the floor and under the bed. His face turned to one of disgust. I had grown used to the mice that resided with us, and forgot that they were typically unwelcome.

"Yeah, they like it here," I said, changing the subject.

"I'm surprised you let them," he responded, smirking.

"Is it true about Sid?" I asked quickly.

"Yeah…" he sighed. "I can't believe it." His eyes appeared to be welling up, but he swallowed and pressed on. "I thought you would've come back for Sid, if not for anyone else. He needs us. All of us." Stacy's blue eyes locked with mine, and immediately I felt guilty. "You know how I found you?" he continued, smiling. "Jay told me where you were. The bastard won't have a real conversation with me, but he'll find the time to drop a hint about where you are, just so I'll come see you and try to talk you into coming back. Manipulative son of a bitch," he chuckled.

"Always has been," I whispered.

"He came looking for you. I think he always knew that you went north. It was just a matter of time before he found you." When I didn't speak, Stacy sighed again.

"Kimber, you gotta listen to me. Jay's gone… insane. I don't know how to explain this."

"What are you talking about Stacy?"

"I mean… he's different, darker. You need to come back, if only for a visit."

I discarded that piece of information. "Tony? How's Tony?"

"Kimber, I can't describe to you what's happened. Everyone's changed. And I know that's unstoppable, but the people they've become are so hard to recognize."

"I need a minute," I said, getting up and heading to a bathroom. Shutting the door behind me, I began to hyperventilate. The room was spinning so incredibly fast I had to sit down. I closed my eyes tightly, and tried to concentrate on breathing. It seemed as though every time I felt as though I was calming down, a violent image of a funeral like my mother and Alex's would fly across my mind. The funeral in my head was for Sid.

I gave up trying to breathe slowly, and started rummaging through my jeans for some dope. When my pockets came back empty, I lost it. My breathing became rough and ragged, and I began sweating violently. I was thrashing around on the floor, crying out for heroin. It was as though my insides were being stabbed repeatedly, and I felt something begin to rise in my throat. Crawling to the toilet, I threw up the little bit of nourishment in my system.

I was experiencing withdrawal, and I didn't like it. Suddenly the bathroom door opened, and revealed a terrified Stacy.

"Fuck, Kimber, what the fuck is wrong?"

"Get someone," I stuttered. He nodded vigorously, and sprinted out. Seconds later, he returned with Alex.

Alex knelt down beside me, and I grabbed the collar of his shirt. As quietly as possible, I directed him to go into Dylan's room, and check under the mattress.

* * *

Stacy knew that something was going on, but he didn't know exactly what. I didn't let him see the dope, and when he asked if I was okay, I told him I hadn't eaten in a while. He looked at me, concerned.

"Fine, whatever," he said.

When everything had calmed down, Stacy told me he had to go.

"Why? Stay a little longer?" I pleaded.

"No I gotta go, I have to get home and pack."  
"Pack?" I asked.

"Yeah, I've gotta go to Florida," he informed me, with a sad smirk. "The Kona Bowl," he laughed.

"So, you're leaving."

"Yeah, just for a little while though."

"What about Sid?" I questioned. He pretended to take interest in the wreath that still hung on our front door. He finally answered,

"Kimber, look, you have to go see Sid. Promise me?" I stared at Stacy's sad eyes.

"I'll try. I can't promise anything," I stated. "So, in case I don't make it out there, you need to swear to me that you'll visit."

He looked at me exasperatedly. "I can't promise anything," he mocked, turning and walking out of the yard. I watched his retreating back, when suddenly it spun around.

"That night? That night me and you… I just thought you should know, it wasn't meaningless for me," he said. I silently stared at the ground, as he waited for a response. When he realized none was coming, he continued his walk to his car.

* * *

I zipped my duffel bag, and glanced around the room.

It didn't look much different. I was surprised by how little was actually mine. Hazel had given me some of her dresses and skirts, while Dylan had let me have many of his shirts. Despite these additions, it all still fit in my bag comfortably. I walked out of the room, and into the front room, where they were smoking a bowl.

"Hey, guys, I'm gonna be gone for a little while," I told them. All of them grinned and nodded, except for Dylan. He stood up and walked me to the front door.

"How long are you gonna be gone?" he asked gruffly.

"I don't know Dylan. I have to figure some shit out." I looked him in the eyes. "You know, until I get everything together, it's not fair for you to be in this relationship."

He was quiet.

"Look, this has nothing to do with you. It's me okay?"

"So we're over."

"Yes," I sighed.

"Here," he thrust a baggie into my hand. "I love you Azure. I'll see you around," he said, giving me a soft kiss. I tried to speak, but my throat was dry. Instead I looked up into his icy eyes one last time, and turned and walked out the door.

* * *

In the bright sunlight, I made my way into the beautiful yard of Sid's. I passed a white metal table, and was approaching a gardener.

"Um, hi," I said to him. He glanced at me and nodded. "Uh, do you know where Sid is?" I asked him. He pointed in the direction of the pool without saying anything. "Thanks."

I slowly walked down the stone pathway, and I began to hear the sound of wheels against concrete. I picked my head up, and only saw the pool. I moved forward, and tried to see into the pool without getting too close. It was then I heard their voices. It sounded like they were laughing. I forgot about not wanting to be seen. My feet were moving, and my brain made no effort to stop them.

There they were. They were inside Sid's dried out pool. Sid sat in a wheelchair, while the other three skated around him. Sid was smiling, but he looked weak. He was pale, and even from a distance I could see his scar. Tony was grinning; it was one of those notorious Alva grins I hadn't seen in so long. Stacy seemed to be himself. He was laughing, and it seemed sincere. Jay had shaved his hair, and in place of it was a tattoo of a zipper.

I inched nearer, until I was standing on the edge of the pool. Tony noticed me first. He did a double take, paused, and then yelled,

"Kimber?"

Stacy and Jay stopped moving as well. Sid's head snapped around to see me. They all stared blankly, wondering how to react to my return.

"Welcome back, stranger," Sid smiled, gesturing for me to come in. I stumbled down the steps and into the pool. I immediately went to Sid and hugged him. Hot tears were forming in my eyes as I gripped him tightly.

"Sid," I whispered. I released him from my hold, and spun around to face Stacy.

"Good to see you here," he said.

"Nice to see you too," I grinned, embracing him.

"Look who's back!" Tony exclaimed, hugging me next. When he let me go, I turned to Jay.

"Hey," I greeted him, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"Hey," he responded.

"Nice head."

"Right," he said quietly.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked. His topaz eyes widened.

"Fine," he replied, leading me out of the pool. I could feel the other's eyes watching us, but followed in Jay's wake anyway. He led me to a swing hanging from a huge oak tree, which was out of earshot. He plopped himself down, and I sat next to him, careful not to touch him with my hands.

"You came back."

"Yep."

"I didn't know if you would," he muttered, staring at the ground. I began kicking the swing back and forth. In the background, I could hear a radio playing. It sounded like the Rolling Stones.

"What did you need to talk to me about?"

"I wanted to clear things up between us. I want to be friends again."

"I wish we could be Kimber. I really do," he said quickly, looking me in the eye. "But there are some things that happened between us… We'll never be the same, and you know it," he finished, turning back to the ground. Once again, I felt a lump rise in my throat. Trying to distract myself, I watched a squirrel dart across the yard.

"Why'd you shave your head?" I wondered.

"I don't know," he trailed off, as his back stiffened. He clenched his jaw, and shut his eyes tightly. I then heard it.

_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, Seamstress for the band…_

I pushed myself off of the swing, and took his hand in mine.

_Pretty eyed, Pirate smile, You'll marry a music man_

I pulled him off of the swing, and wrapped his arms around my neck.

_Ballerina, you must have seen her, dancing in the sand_

He stared at me, completely bewildered. "Ah come on man, this is our song and you know it," I laughed sadly, letting a tear fall down my cheek.

_And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand_

He pulled me close, and we rocked back and forth to the song.

_Jesus freaks, out in the street_

_Handing tickets out for God_

_Turning back, she just laughs,_

_The boulevard is not that bad_

Suddenly, I was crying into Jay's neck. I could smell the sandalwood, and it was the most comforting scent I had ever smelled.

_Piano man, he makes his stand_

_In the auditorium_

_Looking on, she sings the songs_

_The words she knows, the tune she hums_

When Jay held me it was the most natural feeling in the world. I felt safe in his arms.

_But, oh, how it feels so real_

_Lying here, with no one near_

_Only you, and you can hear me_

_When I say softly, slowly_

He ran his hands through my hair. I remembered frolicking in the ocean with him while listening to this song, and it made my heart ache. I wondered if he was thinking of that night as well.

_Hold me closer tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today_

As the chorus repeated, I looked up at him. We were glowing orange in the setting sun, and his eyes met mine. I raised my hand, and stroked the back of his neck. Then I lost all control: I pulled his head gently down to mine, and met his lips.

_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, Seamstress for the band_

_Pretty eyed, Pirate smile, You'll marry a music man_

_Ballerina, you must have seen her, dancing in the sand_

_And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand_

His grip around my waist tightened as the kiss grew more passionate.

_But, oh, how it feels so real_

_Lying here, no one near_

_Only you, and you can hear me_

_When I say softly, slowly_

We separated, both transfixed on the other's face. He took his thumb and wiped away the tears from my cheeks.

"What do we do?" he asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. He pulled me in, and kissed my forehead.

"I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you too."

At that moment, we both held each other until the music faded out, and we returned to the pool. Before the music ended, nothing else mattered. There was only Jay and I. All of the unresolved problems were forgotten, and we swayed to the piano.

_Hold me closer tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today_

_Hold me closer tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today…_

_

* * *

_

What did you think? Sorry it took 7 fucking months to get it! Please review! The nest chapter will be up soon, I swear.


	18. love or confusion

This chapter might be a bit shorter. But it covers a lot I think.

* * *

The rest of the day felt so perfect. If we all forced ourselves not to think about what would happen the next day, or what had happened in the past, it was almost like the times when we were younger. We skated in the empty pool, cracked jokes about each other, and smoked many joints that made our lame jokes seem even funnier. As the sky darkened, we slowly made our way inside of Sid's enormous house. I don't remember which one of us discovered the bottle of whiskey, but soon enough we were sitting at a table passing it around. There was only one lamp on in Sid's pristine kitchen, which cast a glow upon all our faces and made the whiskey bottle glisten with every movement.

Sid insisted upon sharing his medication with all of us, and his pure joy of the five of us being together conquered his pale and weak state. He no longer spoke quietly, or held his eyes half open. Instead, his laughs were loud, and his eyes were attentive and wide, dancing with happiness. Although he didn't drink with us, he was having a good time.

While we had been sober, we had avoided the questions we all wanted answered. We didn't acknowledge Sid's illness, or the black eye Tony had received because of his fame. There was no talk of Stacy's upcoming career plans, or what I had done in all the time we had been apart. What I most wanted to know was what Jay had gone through, and why in the hell he shaved the golden hair I loved.

With whiskey in our system, we could no longer control our curiosity and began to speak more freely.

I opened my drunken mouth first.

"So, what are you two _celebrities_ doing drinking out of a bottle of whiskey with a bunch of degenerates?" I laughed at my own question.

"Now that you point it out, I have no fucking clue," Tony teased.

"Ah, come on, were not famous," Stacy mumbled, leaning back in his chair with a smirk.

"Oh whatever, this random guy totally knew who you guys were. It was so embarrassing," I said, talking about Eli, the man who had believed me to be a hooker.

"Some random guy?" Jay said gruffly. "God you're such a slut."

Even though I pretended to laugh at the joke, I felt a spark of anger towards Jay.

"Shut up, cue ball."

"You're so clever," he grinned. "So Kimber, what have you been doing?"

"Nothing man, nothing. Just roaming around."

"Where were you?" Sid asked.

"I drove up to San Francisco and pretty much hung out around there."

"You live outta your car?" Tony questioned. I realized Stacy had not told them anything about his visit.

"Nah, I sorta stayed with some friends."

"I can't imagine you having other friends," Tony mocked.

"Fuck you Alva. I just wanna know who inked this baldie up."

Jay paused for a moment, "What, you scared to get one?"

"Not at all."

"You would never. You'd regret it or some shit."

"You wanna bet?"

"Lets go to the shop right now," he challenged.

"Lets do it," I stated, standing from my chair.

"I'll drive," he replied, smirking at my drunken boldness.

* * *

Jay opened the door to the tattoo parlor for me as I tried not to wobble in. Tony, Stacy and Sid had stayed at the house, all saying they wanted the tattoo to be a surprise in the morning. The man at the counter of the shop glanced at us as we walked in, and then said, "How can I help you?"

"She's gonna get a tattoo," Jay told him with a nod in my direction.

"You know what you want?"

"Uh… Not really," I admitted.

"Well, you can look through that book over there for ideas," he said, pointing at a black leather book. "Man, what's your ink say?" he asked Jay.

"Menace to society," Jay said proudly.

"Badass."

I snorted. I knew whatever one I got would be much better. Flipping through the book, not paying attention to the designs, I listened to the music they were playing in the shop. I recognized it as Leonard Cohen.

"I want you to get one too," I said to Jay.

"No, idiot, it's your turn."

"I'll let you pick what I get, if I get to pick what you get," I bargained. He grinned.

"Deal."

* * *

I awoke the next morning face first in a leather couch. I cracked my eyes open, and remembered I was in Sid's house. There was a terrible aching pain on my upper back, and I cringed. I then realized I was holding Jay's hand, as he was sleeping on the floor by the couch. He grunted at the squeeze of my hand, and I immediately released. I didn't remember us falling asleep like that.

I arched my back slightly, and a bolt of pain shot down my ribcage. I then realized it wasn't only my upper back in pain, but the entire right side of my back.

"Fuck," I whispered.

The image of the tattoo parlor burst into my head. I leaped off the couch and ignored the spins of the room. It felt like I was sprinting to the bathroom, but I was only stumbling around, running into furniture. One of the family's maids glared at me, but I couldn't think about that. I hit the bathroom door, and lifted my shirt immediately. Jay had made me get a long black passage down the right side of my ribcage. It was swollen and red, but I tried to make out what it said. It was in small black cursive, and had many loopy letters.

"_For now, I need your hidden love._

_I'm cold as a new razor blade._

_You left when I told you I was curious, _

_I never said that I was brave._

_So long, Marianne, it's time that we began,_

_To laugh and cry, _

_And cry and laugh, about it all again._

_Oh, you are really such a pretty woman, _

_I see you've gone and changed your names again._

_And just when I climbed this whole mountainside,_

_To wash my eyelids in the rain."_

I was shocked at the largeness of the tattoo, but not as much as I was confused by the lyrics it possessed.

That was the song playing in the parlor last night, and Jay had made it my tattoo. It was extremely noticeable, for it took up a good part of the back of my ribcage.

I exited the bathroom, and headed to the kitchen, where Jay was sitting drinking orange juice.

"What do you think?" he asked, not meeting my eyes. In truth, I was confused. Had he simply picked that verse because it was playing in the shop, or did he feel that way about me? There was also the possibility that he didn't remember what he had made me get. I didn't like not knowing, but I didn't have the nerve to ask exactly what it meant.

"I like it, good job asshole. So we both decided on lyrics for each other. How do you like yours?"

"It's badass, you know I love Hendrix."

His was much smaller, in tiny black print on his upper left forearm.

"_Must there be all these colors without names, without sounds?_

_My heart burns with feeling, but my mind is cold and reeling._

_Is this love baby,_

_Or is it confusion?"_

_

* * *

_A couple weeks passed and I never discovered what the tattoo meant, but I cherished it. I hung around Venice long enough to visit the remains of the pier, and ran into Skip there.

"Heard you were back," he growled. I smiled, hugging him.

"So it's really gone," I muttered, staring at the wood, ashes and sand that were strewn across the beach.

"Left with you, kid."

We were quiet for a while, simply watching the water.

"Why'd you go?" he finally asked.

I sighed. "I couldn't… I didn't know how to handle what was going on here."

"That doesn't mean you leave. That doesn't fix shit," he slurred.

I now knew that. Ignoring his statement, I changed the subject, "Can I have a job Skip?"

He looked at me puzzled. "Yeah, sure maggot. Why do you need it?"

"Oh you know, living outta my car. Some cash would be nice."

"Makes sense. But if you fuck up, I'm not scared to fire you. You can do what Sid used to do."

"Yeah, guess he's not working anymore," I replied.

"It's minimum wage kid. No more."

* * *

I didn't know what made me ask for a job, but I think I wanted to be able to try and make this visit more than a visit. I wanted to be able to pay for an apartment to live in, and more dope to shoot.

I had been working about a month when I found a tiny apartment I could afford to rent with Jay as my roommate.

I had resisted a roommate for the longest time, trying to save enough money for my own place; but the amount I used for dope was draining the amount I could use for rent. After caving in to the idea of a roommate, I had to figure out who would live with me. I personally considered Tony the best choice, but he seemed to push for Jay and I living together.

The day after I had seen the apartment two people could afford, Jay and Tony walked into Skip's shop during my shift.

"Hey fuckers," I greeted, lounging on the counter.

"How's the house hunt?" Tony asked. I sighed. I hadn't told anyone except Tony and Skip I was looking for a place to live.

"House hunt?" Jay questioned.

"I found this little apartment, but I'd need a roommate to pay for it," I informed them.

"Well, you know I can't, I'm famous," Tony smirked. He used the cover that he needed to travel for work instead of actually saying he wanted to force Jay and I together again.

"Yeah right, shithead."

"Why are you looking for a place to stay?" Jay said.

"Because I'll probably be here for a while," I replied, and Jay cocked an eyebrow. "Don't flatter yourself, it's for Sid."

"Right," he muttered.

"Where are you living Jay?" I asked.

"I crash at my mom's sometimes," he told me, setting his left hand on the counter. I stared at the tattoo I had made him get, and finally spat out what Tony wanted me to say.

"Then help me pay the rent."

"What, live together?"

"Yeah. I need a roommate, you need your own place."

Jay looked at me, puzzled. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why not."

* * *

Jay and I were not classified as anything. We had avoided any physical contact since the kiss. We didn't talk about it, and tried not to think about it.

Despite this, we moved into the apartment relatively quickly. Neither of us had much to move in, so it was quite a quick process. There was one huge problem though: the apartment had only one bedroom.

We didn't address this until it actually came time to move in Jay's bed. Both of us sat down on the mattress, and looked at each other.

"We only have one bed," he stated.

"I know," I sighed, and that was the end of that discussion.

Luckily, we did not have to spend much time alone. The apartment became a place where our friends floated in and out. In our first month, we never had a night alone. The chaos also provided a cover for my heroin addiction. With the constant movement of the bodies, I could quietly slip into the bathroom for a couple of minutes to shoot up. I could see the looks Jay gave me though, as though he knew something was wrong. I knew I must have looked a little crazy around that time, but had been avoiding all mirrors. I didn't want to see myself.

The first night we were completely alone was a terrible night. It began around four o'clock in the afternoon. I had just returned from work, and Jay was just rolling out of the bed when we heard the knock at the door. I opened it to reveal a frantic looking Stacy.

"Come on, we're going to the hospital," he rushed, grabbing my arm roughly and pulling me across the threshold.

Jay, Stacy and I sped to the hospital in silence. Stacy did not have to explain to us what was happening. It felt like we were in the car forever, and finally pulled up to the hospital. The boys jumped out of the car, and were practically sprinting to the front doors. On the other hand, I was moving in slow motion. I slowly put once foot in front of the other, and was mesmerized by the many windows lining the hospital. I thought about the possibility that people were actually slipping away, meeting death, behind several of the windows I looked at. I reached the doors, and leaned into one to open it. I stared at the patients in the waiting room, some actually injured or sick, and some just as frightened as us. Jay and Stacy were harassing the middle-aged woman at the front desk, but she would not let them see Sid. I turned my attention away from them, and my eyes fell upon Tony and Skip sitting quietly in a corner. Next to them was an aging couple holding hands, and tears running down their faces. I assumed they were Sid's family.

I was standing in the middle of all the chaos, not moving. I knew that Sid would not make it. It was the end. There was no point in trying to see him, or even asking what was going on. There was no point in moving either, so I stayed there, completely still, in the middle of the waiting room, gazing down the hospital hallway. No one asked me to move, no one bothered me, and no one seemed to notice me. Everyone understood.

* * *

I stumbled into our small apartment, and immediately went to lie down on the bed. Jay followed behind me, not speaking. He got into bed with me, neither of us bothering to take off our clothes. We didn't have to talk, or even look at each other. There was nothing we could say to change anything. I gathered the energy to go prepare myself some dope. When I returned to the bed, he didn't acknowledge my entrance. I got under the covers, and turned on my side away from him. I didn't cry, I didn't move, but his arm found its way around my waist, and he buried his face in my hair.

He wasn't sobbing or shaking, but the back of my neck did become damp as he shed silent tears. We laid there, in the dark, finally drifting off to sleep in the early hours of the morning.

* * *

Whadya think? Review. I don't wanna upload unless I get reviews.


	19. how to disappear completely

With the passing of Sid, came the passing of the bonds I believed were once again forming. I saw Tony and Stacy at the funeral, but other than that, they continued on with their careers. I was not sure when they were in town, or had left to go traveling. I quit my job at Zephyr, as I could not find the strength to actually work. Jay and I rarely spoke to each other, and never mentioned the passing of Sid. We slept together one night after Sid's passing, and I believed it was just for the comfort of another person. He never brought it up, so I tried to forget about it.

It was beginning to feel like I was completely fading. I was not sure when this transformation had begun, but I knew I was a completely different person. I used to laugh and joke, smile and cry. With each person who had departed from my life, it was as though a piece of myself had departed alongside them. One night, I was lying on the couch in the apartment, staring at the ceiling and smoking a cigarette. I had no idea what day it was, nor did I care. I was blasting Pink Floyd through the tiny space, and did not glance at Jay when he walked in and sat down next to me.

"I'm gonna go out for a little bit," he told me. I nodded.

I still loved Jay. I always would. I just had no more room for emotion. I was dying inside. I stared at his hair, which was beginning to grow back. It reminded me of the many times I ran my hands through it, or saw it glint in the sun. It occurred to me how long it had been since I had actually touched him, or anyone for that matter. I felt contagious.

_Us, and them,_

_And after all, were only ordinary men._

_Me, and you._

_God only knows its not what we would choose to do._

_Forward he cried from the rear,_

_And the front rank died._

_And the general sat, and the lines on the map moved from side to side. _

My skin on my left arm was scabbing and scaring, so I lived in a hoodie. I was ashamed of anyone seeing me, and would not go near mirrors. Jay was staring at me in an odd way, but I did not think much of it. I wanted him to leave. I wanted to be alone, and be allowed to wallow in my thoughts without distractions. He touched my thigh to push his weight off the couch, and I grimaced at the contact. Hearing the door close, I remained motionless, as I shut my eyes.

_Black and blue, _

_And who knows which is which, and who is who._

_Up and down._

_But in the end, it's only round and round._

_Haven't you heard it's a battle of words, the poster bearer cried._

_Listen son, said the man with the gun,_

_There's room for you inside._

I thought back to the times when we would wake up early, and go to the pier. We simply went to surf and see one another. There was no money thrown at us, or deaths to tear us apart. I wondered if any of the others remembered the days when we were broke, living with our dysfunctional families, and all best friends. Those were the best times of my life. I swung my legs off the couch, and began to robotically prepare my dope, which was in the pocket of my hoodie.

_I mean, they're not gonna kill ya, so if you give 'em a quick, short, sharp, shock, they won't do it again, dig it?_

_I mean, he get off lightly, 'cause I would've given him a thrashing- I only hit him once!_

_It was only a difference of opinion, but really, I mean good manners,_

_Don't cost nothing do they, eh?_

I injected the needle into my arm, and with it came a burning emotion. I realized this needle was dirty, but was too distracted to clean it. I felt the heroin begin pulsing through my system, but for some reason, it refused to cease my thoughts.

I saw Jay, Tony, and Stacy, all out in the ocean surfing. They were laughing, and appeared so much younger. I could not tell if I was hallucinating, or if this was a real memory. I saw Sid, sweeping in the Zephyr store, playfully being shoved by Jay and laughing. I saw my mother, crying at the round table in our kitchen. I saw Alex through a cloud of smoke, grinning sheepishly. I had the vision of an old photograph with Nicole, Nick and I, standing by the pier with forced smiles in place. I saw Dylan's icy blue eyes, which penetrated my soul.

My head fell to the side, crashing against the table. I felt hot blood trickle down my face. The room was spinning.

I saw Tony, passing me a joint and hitting me against my shoulder. I saw Kathy's face when she saw Jay, and the look of lust in her eyes. I saw Stacy's face when he saw Kathy's, and how much he wanted to love her. I saw my mother dancing vigorously at a party, looking beautiful in a long, flowing dress. I saw Sid's dog Rufus, running in his yard and barking at us all.

I couldn't hold my eyes open. My throat was constricting. Somehow, I knew what was happening. I tried to pick my head up, but ended up falling backwards onto the couch again. I was staring at the blank ceiling, but saw so much more.

There was Jay, his topaz eyes staring into mine, and a smirk on his face. His golden hair hung around his face, and he brushed it back with a swift move of his hand. He was lying in bed with me, the sun wrapping us both in its warm embrace. Then, his face morphed into his current appearance. His hair short, eyes wide and panicking. Was he really there? Back at the apartment? It was so real I could even hear him yelling my name, but it sounded muffled and distant.

_Down, and out,_

_It can't be helped, but there's a lot of it about._

_With, without._

_And who'll deny, it's what the fighting's all about?_

_Out of the way, it's a busy day,_

_I've got things on my mind._

_For the want of the price of tea and a slice,_

_The old man died._

Vomit rose in my throat, and it slithered down my neck. His rough hands were grabbing my face, shaking me, screaming for me to live. Then, he departed from my side. I felt lost. Where had he gone? Why did he leave me?

The last thing I saw was the pier. The wind was blowing softly, ruffling our hair. Skip was there, with his friends, and we were watching them surf in awe. Suddenly, Sid was standing in the ocean, beckoning me to join him. I slowly walked towards him, and stopped before reaching the water. I turned back to look at Tony, Stacy and Jay, all standing there watching. Tony waved at me. Stacy looked sadly at me. Jay stared at me, one last time, with his entrancing eyes that I loved more than anything. The wind blew his scent of sandalwood in my direction, and I wished to run into his arms. I turned to Sid to tell him this, but when I looked at Sid, he was standing with my mother and Alex on either side of him. I realized what I was supposed to so, and stepped into the water. It was warm and comforting.

When I looked back to where my friends had been standing, I could no longer see them. They had disappeared. Or I had disappeared. I would never know. Then, Alex tugged on my arm to follow him into the ocean, and I allowed him to pull me under.

* * *

He couldn't help but think how different she looked. She no longer possessed the curves of an hourglass, but had lost all her weight and appeared skeletal. Her hair was falling out, and was so much thinner than the thick locks he had once played with. Her skin was no longer tan, but pale, and her eyes had a sunken look to them.

Despite all of this, she was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He wanted to save her, but he knew she would never let him in again. He had to prove his devotion to her, and that's why he knew he was doing the right thing. He sat down on the couch next to her frail figure and spoke,

"I'm gonna go out for a little bit."

She nodded slowly, and he wondered if she even noticed when he was around. She had changed so much, but he could still see flashes of the old Kimber, the one he had fallen in love with. The way she held her cigarette and blew her smoke out had remained the same, and her lips were still full and pink. He pushed himself off the couch, and noticed her cringe when he touched her.

As he strode along the street to his mother's house, he couldn't help but remember when they had lived there together. He could see her sitting on the steps of the house, listening to Bob Dylan's Wallflower play in the distance. When he pushed open the door, he saw his mother had left the small velvet box on the counter in the kitchen.

Opening it revealed the ring his father had given his mother when they were to be married. It was a small diamond, and even though he knew nothing about jewelry, knew that it was beautiful. He pocketed it, and walked home quickly. He was actually excited about what he was about to do. It had been so long since he felt excitement. He would be Kimber's husband. She would be Kimber Adams. Although, he smiled, she might want to keep her own last name. She had always prided herself on being a Wolffe.

He returned to the apartment surprisingly fast. As he opened the door, he realized she hadn't locked it, and was about to say something until he saw what was happening.

She was motionless on the couch, making the most horrible noises and twitching. There was blood running down the side of her face. He stood frozen in place, and then dashed over to her.

He gazed into her face, her eyes, those mismatched shades of brown that he loved. He did not think she could see him. She was stuttering, and he didn't think she could control her body at all. Vomit fell out of her mouth and seeped down her neck, but he didn't care. He held her face tightly, and tried to get her attention.

"Kimber! Kimber! What the fuck? Can you hear me? What's happening?"

He desperately sprinted to the phone and dialed 911. It was then he saw the bloody syringe on the table next to her.

"911, what is your emergency?" a female voice on the other end of the receiver asked.

"Yeah, m-my girlfriend, she just o-overdosed, I need someone out here quick," he cried into the phone. She looked like the twitching was slowing, and he couldn't tell if that meant she was slipping away or regaining consciousness.

"Where are you, sir?"

He proceeded to give her the address and hang up the phone after she instructed him to keep her upright. He knew it was too late by the time he hung up, but ran to her side anyway. She was still breathing, but very lightly. Surprisingly, she looked at peace. Even with the vomit and blood, he thought she was beautiful.

He kissed her forehead gently, and whispered, "I love you. I'm so sorry."

He stayed by her side, quietly sobbing until the paramedics arrived. They rushed in and roughly pushed him aside, away from her. He watched as they grabbed her wrist and searched for a pulse, a pulse that had been gone for much longer than that night. Everything was moving in slow motion for Jay, and as they placed her on the stretcher, he heard one of the men say, "Fucking junkies."

Jay's anger boiled to the surface, and he snapped, "What the fuck did you just say? You didn't know her at all!"

The man turned around, shocked to see that Jay was listening. He shrugged, and proceeded to take her out of the room. Jay sprinted after, and found her hand underneath the blanket they had covered her with. He walked with the paramedics, holding her cold hand, and receiving some of the oddest looks.

Later that night at the hospital, the doctors discovered that Kimber had been pregnant.

* * *

Tell me what you think? This isn't how I'm ending it, I'm gonna carry on with Jay's POV.


End file.
